I'd like to meet:
The Nut Shell View... Name: Chris.
Age: 17.
Height: 5'8".
Weight: 139 lbs.
Ethnicity: Caucasian/White.
Location: Sewell, NJ.
Orientation: Gay.
Status: Seul.
Religion: Spiritual.
Heroes: The Queen Supreme Miss Brandy Alexander.
The Long-Winded Version...
® If I was put in a situation in which I had to tell you where I envision my life going in x amount of years, I would honestly tell you I don't know. Most of the time I feel like I'm drowning under some sort of complexity, and other times it's as though I'm sleepwalking my way through life in general, from one plateau to the next. I'm very fleetingly optimistic and am a "glass half empty" kind of guy, who is rarely "in love with life." I love to shut down and block people out and I'm learning as time goes on that I'm never satisfied with anything. I am sick of the constant cycle of anything that is unrequited, considering I am always the one giving it. I inadvertently set myself up to be led on and let down in every single situation I ever get into and it really is quite sad. And very tolling. In short, I'm living life in a painful free-fall. "I'm weightless, I'm bare. I'm faithless, I'm scared."
® I'm full of contradictions and hypocrisies (but who isn't nowadays?). I'm a mixture of emotions from completely different ends of whatever spectrum you may use as a vantage point. So that should clear up everything thus follows.
® Most of what I say drips with sarcasm. I'm not skilled in giving advice, but I'm always there to provide you with your daily dose of a sarcastic comment or two. As you can see, I don't have a filter from my mind to my mouth, so I tend to dig my own grave. But then again it comes in handy because I'm the one who will say something that everyone else is too afraid to say. I'm vulgar, opinionated and abrasive, but my saving grace is my ability to make people laugh constantly via the things I say or do. I can be worldly, sophisticated and polite, or just downright rude, brash and offensive. Ironically enough though, I don't enjoy confrontation and I will only talk about things when I'm good and ready.
® It would then be plausible for you to assume that I have trouble establishing long-lasting relationships with certain types of people. I may have friends, yes, but I never feel like I have enough, and the ones I have I don't feel are quite that adequate a lot of the time. Friendships aren't just that to me, they are a process of recycling and separating the good stuff from the trash. And yes, I do realize that [on myspace] I am friends with more bands than actual people; I don't need anyone to point that out. I've grown accustomed to this revelation and this is me dealing with it. The lack of consistency in any male presence in my life (be it familial, friendly, or romantic) is by and large underwhelming: establishing any sort of bond with them truly is not worth any effort or time I am so willing to put forth. Once again, back to me being the defintion of unrequited interest and the poster child for the rag doll of romance, cliche aside. Trust issues are very prevalent in my life, regardless of how much I try to remedy them; I can't help myself from being disappointed with most of the people I'm forced to be around for extended periods of time. In light of that, I tend to be affected by certain situations too easily and can get flustered at the drop of a hat. I love to give up and abandon ship when the waters are unfavourable and I'm very short-tempered and over-reactive. I'm the "jealous type" and I will always be cursed with second sight.
® On the other hand, I'm very shy and coy and I can be extremely introverted in the right situation. I'm a very contemplative individual, so when I do muster up the courage to open up to someone and talk about things, what I end up saying seems very deep and I admire that about myself. I'm sentimental and full of drivel, but I hate contrived small talk and chit-chat more than most anything. A word to the wise: I'm not as confident as I may seem. I also make it a point to avoid anything I feel is cliche or any sort of platitude, romantic or not. Everytime I hear something like that I feel the stomach bile knotting in my throat and have to choke it back.
® There's also the longing side of me: the part of me that likes feeling alone and deserted, but in the back of my mind knowing that I have someone somewhere for support. It's a lonely world, filled with static characters, so I try not to make myself too overly dependent on such. I like to sit back and observe people, rather than taking a position of being just another boring, average face amongst the crowd. I may dislike most individuals, but without them and their filthy habits and life choices, I wouldn't have any inspiration. In the words of Chuck Palahniuk, "Inspiration needs disease, injury, madness."
® So, my inspiration(s) you may ask? One word: music. Every other cookie sheet teenager will tell you the same thing, but my answer is different. Music isn't just a band name, a pretty face, or a poignant, ready for the airwaves lyric; it's a string of feelings, a landscape and an atmosphere. I can honestly say that I connect with some music on levels most people couldn't even imagine. I will be the first to tell you that my music taste is one of the best around and that 4 out of 5 times I hate it when people share the same musical interests as I do. I absolutely detest it when individuals suck the beauty out of life and music like the helium from a balloon, but that is another story for another time. I am a pompist, music elitist, so tread lightly in the waters of music around me.
® I am a writer/poet/what have you and I like to think of myself as a very decent one at that. Everything I do always seem poetic in some fashion. The one future career goal I would like to meet is to become a published author and I would love to write a novel that will leave a significant, existentialist mark on history. With that career, I would like to gain the ability to move far away from where I've spent my life thus far and start a whole new life, complete with new friends, new luxuries, and a new attitude.
® I am a very random person, and, as you can tell from my side DIV, have many "eccentric obsessions." But, before we get into those, here are a few other noteworthy points. Fashionista attitudes intrigue me. I am not a fan of organized religion; I feel that every faction is fucked in someone's eyes, so you can only ever really take religion in at face value. I am a huge dork at heart, even as the years go by and I am proud to admit that I still enjoy Pokemon and mindless cartoons. I believe that for the most part, heroes and idols should never be met: they are never what you think they are. Most of them are let-downs. However, there are the few that deserve to be taken off the pedestal and gotten to know on a basis free from star-struck. Finally, my life is one big farewell to the Ashtray Girl.
® Space and Antarctica are two entities that interest me more than anything else. As impossible as it is, I would love to travel to both places to just take it all in, the vast, breathtaking beauty that they possess. Maybe it's the idea of intangibility behind them, or maybe it's just the thought of the endless stars and galaxies and the miles upon miles of rolling icescapes under the orange sun that warms my heart the most.
® Amusement Parks are not just some silly place to go with your family for a bonding experience. They are quite more: they are a story and a history and thrive on piles of memories and metaphoric polaroids of times that were. I love to just imagine those memories. We take them for granted by thinking, "Oh, well, I didn't ride THAT ride this summer, but, it'll be there again next season." WRONG. Are you aware of the undoings that go on within the management of the park? Your silly little white trash heart will never fill that void because when you come back the park is gone: it was sold off and demolished and no one gave a damn. Only the faint ideas of laughter and the stagnant stench of good times remain. You had your chance and you fucking blew it.
® Hotels/Motels are also another interest point. I love the feeling of temporariness that they possess and the unnaturally clean and not-lived-in-but-lived-in feel: it's one of the best feelings in the world. After you leave your hotel room and check out, it's like you never even existed: you're shipped out and the shit you left behind is cleaned up so the next inhabitant can enjoy their time being. If I could bottle the smell of a hotel for my own sick pleasure I would; it's one of the best smells that will ever fill my nostrils.
® Airports fall into that same category. I love witnessing the people hustle and bustle about to get to so-and-so a place or this-and-that destination on time. But best of all, these people are "single-serving friends" and I'm OK with that. I may never see them again, but in that rush of carry-on's and clickety clacks of suitcase wheels, we had something and it was golden. Airports make you (or at least me) feel oddly temporary: you're here one minute and gone the next and your seat can and will be taken in the blink of an eye. And we really, really need to get used to that feeling.
Comment... Cursed with a love that you can't express.
Friends Indeed...Quotes to Live By... "Will we always be like little kids, running group to group, asking, 'Who loves me?' Don't know who loves me...it's pathetic. It's impossible...
Like girls in stilettos...
Like girls in stilettos...
Like girls in stilettos trying to run."
-Emily Haines, The LotteryMore Quotes to Live By... "I asked the cardiologist why an electrocardiogram was called an EKG, instead of an ECG.
He said, 'Nazis. Nazis invented the machine.'
After he left, I found a napkin on my breakfast tray and wrote down that EKG = Nazis."
-Monica Drake, Clown GirlEven More Quotes to Live By... "This will be ten thousand fashion separates that mix and match to create maybe five tasteful outfits. A million trendy accessories, scarves and belts, shoes and hats and gloves, and no real clothes to wear them with.
And you really, really need to get used to that feeling, here, on the freeway, at work, in your marriage. This is the world we live in. Just go with the prompts."
-Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible MonstersNavigation home pictures message add friend view blog view friends view comments blockEccentric Obsessions... Airports.
Amusement parks (running, abandoned, defunct).
Americana Amusement Park.
Asbury Park and Palace Amusements.
Chippewa Lake Amusement Park.
Hershey Park.
Idora Park.
Knoebel's.
Six Flags AstroWorld.
Takakonuma Greenland.
Antarctica.
The Black Dahlia.
Digimon.
Historical Wildwood.
Hotels/Motels.
Lights/lamps/fireworks.
Mannequins.
Nickelodeon's history.
The "old days" (1920's, etc.).
Outer space.
Scraps of patterns and wallpaper.
Vintage signs.
"We belong together, like traffic and weather." Boob Tube... America's Next Top Model, Blind Date, Charmed, Daria, Desperate Housewives, Extreme Makeover, The Fairly Odd-Parents, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Grey's Anatomy, House, How Do I Look?, I Love New York, Jeopardy, Joan of Arcadia, Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, Lingo, Project Runway, The Real World, Road Rules, Spongebob Squarepants, Stripperella, Top Chef, Tru Calling, What Not to Wear, WifeSwap, Will & Grace.Sounds From the Home Stereo High-Fi... A: Abandoned Pools, Action Action, Action Toolbelt, Air, Aireline, Aker, The Album Leaf, Alien Masturbation Foundation, The Alpha Couple, Alpha Wave Movement, Alpinestars, The American Dollar, Amusement Parks on Fire, Angels & Airwaves, Annie, The Annuals, The Aphex Twins, Apostle of Hustle, Appogee, Armor for Sleep, A.S.I. (Advanced Synthesizer Instrumentals), Asobi Seksu, Astrobotica Supra De' Nova, Aqualung, Au4, Axiotronic, Azure Ray.
B: Balligomingo, Bang Gang, Basa, Basement Jaxx, The Bear Colony, Beck, Daniel Bedingfield, Andrew Bird, The Birthday Massacre, Bitter:Sweet, Bjork, Blind Melon, Blink-182, Bloc Party, Blue October, Blur, Boards of Canada, boxViolet, Michelle Branch, Brand New, Brandtson, The Bravery, Brazilian Girls, The Bridge, Bright Eyes, Bril, Jon Brion, Broadcast, Broken Social Scene, Brookville, Michael Bublé, Building the Cathedral, Built to Spill.
C: The Caesars, Canon, Casey Fallen, Casino Versus Japan, Cassettes Won't Listen, The Chemical Brothers, Chocolate Tannoy, Circa Survive, Cloud Cult, Coldplay, Colour Kane, Commuter, Controller, Cornelius, Cowboy X, ctrl + alt + dlt.
D: Daft Punk, Darkel, Days Away, DB Matrix, Death Cab for Cutie, The Decemberists, Delays, Depeche Mode, De/Vision, Dirty Vegas, Do Make Say Think, Dntel, Kevin Drew.
E: Eagle-Eye Cherry, East Hundred, Editors, Eels, E.G. Beat, Eiffel 65, 8mm, Elan, Elevator Division, El Ten Eleven, Brian Eno, Erez Yaary, Etro Anime, Explosions in the Sky.
F: The Faint, Farewell Flight, Feist, FiLM NOiR WORLD, The Finalist, Fischerspooner, Fisk Industries, The Flaming Lips, The Flir, Fountains of Wayne, Adam Franklin, Franz Ferdinand, Freescha, Frou Frou.
G: Garbage, Gas Can Pickup, Genaro, Glacier Hiking, Goddamn Electric Bill, The Go Find, Goldfrapp, Good Mood Music, The Goo Goo Dolls, Graboids, Grandaddy, The Guggenheim Grotto.
H: Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton, Kris Halpin, Hammock, Kate Havnevik, Imogen Heap, Hellogoodbye, Hello Vegas, Herbert, The Hives, The Honeydogs, Hooverphonic, Hotel Lights, Hot Hot Heat, The Hourly Radio, Huski.
I: Incubus, Interpol, Irlos, Ivy.
J: Jack's Mannequin, Jackson and His Computer Band, Eric James, The Jealous Sound, Andy Johanson, Junior Senior, Jupiter Sunrise.
K: K.C. Accidental, The Kaiser Chiefs, Kaskade, Keane, Kent, Rilo Kiley, Kind of Like Spitting, The Knife, Koishii & Hush.
L: Ladytron, Scott Lanaway, The Last Goodnight, Avril Lavigne, Lawn, The Legends, Lemon Jelly, Less Than Jake, Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins, Library Tapes, Linkin Park, Lismore, Loney, Dear, The Long Winters, Lost Ocean, Lost Prophets.
M: Madonna, Mae, Magnet, Makeout Party, Marilyn Manson, Maxxfemm, May Pole, M83, Metric, Mew, MeWithoutYou, Midnight Juggernauts, Kylie Minogue, Moby, Mocean Worker, Modest Mouse, Mogwai, Moonbabies, Morcheeba, Morni, The Most Serene Republic, Mozez, Mum, MUNKIE, Greg Murray, Music Video, Mute Math, My New Mixtape, The Myriad.
N: Nada Surf, New Found Glory, New Order, Nine Inch Nails, No Doubt, Nouvelle Vague.
O: Of Montreal, The One AM Radio, Orton Socket, Kelly Osbourne, Ostinato, Oucho Sparks.
P: Paco, Parlour, Persephone's Bees, Pet Shop Boys, Pink Martini, Pistols Will Air, Placebo, Plastic Operator, Plastic Parachute, Plushgun, Plus/Minus, Polystar, The Postal Service, The Postmarks, The Prom, Psapp.
R: Radiohead, A Reminiscent Drive, Roomful of Emptiness, Ror-Shak, The Rosebuds, Royksopp, Matthew Ryan.
S: Say Anything, Ulrich Schnauss, Scissor Sisters, Schiller, Sensiva, She Wants Revenge, The Shins, Shiny Toy Guns, Sia, Sigur Ros, Silversun Pickups, Ashlee Simpson, Skyscraper Frontier, The Slip, Snow Patrol, The SoftLightes, Something Corporate, Son of Rust, Sparklehorse, Britney Spears, Stabilo, Stars, The Static Age, Stereophonics, Straylight Run, The Submarines, Sugarcult, Supreme Beings of Leisure, Surrounded, Swansounds, S.X.Y.
T: t.A.T.u., Maria Taylor, Teddybears, Telepopmusik, Thievery Corporation, Timo Mass, Emiliana Torrini, Tycho.
U: Umbrellas. Unkle Bob, Urban Myth Club.
V: John Vanderslice, Karius Vega, The Vehicle Birth, VHS or Beta, Vitalic, The Void Above.
W: Waldorf, The Wallflowers, The Western States Motel, We Will Build, We. Yes. You. No., The White Stripes, Wintergreen, Worker Bee, The Working Title.
Y: The Yeah Yeah Yeah's, Yndi Halda, Youth Group.
Z: The Zax, Zero 7.Pages-Turners... Margaret Atwood: The Handmaid's Tale.
Monica Drake: Clown Girl.
F. Scott Fitzgerald: The Great Gatsby.
John Grisham: The Runaway Jury.
Judith Guest: Ordinary People.
Norton Juster: The Phantom Tollbooth.
Harper Lee: How to Kill a Mockingbird.
Toni Morisson: Sula.
Arthur Nersesian: Dogrun, The Fuck-Up.
Chuck Palahniuk: Choke, Diary, Fight Club, Haunted, Invisible Monsters, Lullaby, Stranger Than Fiction, Survivor.
David Sedaris: Barrel Fever, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Holidays on Ice, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Naked.
George Bernard Shaw: Pygmalion.
Lemony Snicket: The Series of Unfortunate Events.
Kurt Vonnegut: The Sirens of Titan, Slaughterhouse-Five.On the Silver Screen... Amelie, The Black Dahlia, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Day After Tomorrow, Dead Silence, The Devil Wears Prada, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Duplex, Edward Scissorhands, Erin Brockovich, Fight Club, Final Destination 1, 2, & 3, Georgia Rule, Ghost World, The Hills Have Eyes 1 & 2, I ♥ Huckabees, The Illusionist, The Jacket, Madea's Family Reunion, Me and You and Everyone We Know, Night at the Museum, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Red Eye, Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, Running with Scissors, Saw 1, 2, & 3, Sorority Boys, The Stepford Wives, TransAmerica, Waitress, Wicker Park. Layout Credit Layout created by Panicked!! .