Tayler Williams

Hi there. I love coffee. I hate black licorice. I am better at arguing than you. Im a better drummer than you. Unless you are named Carter or Kris then o well for you and who ever you think is good.(j/k..kinda) I think my daughters are the perverbial bomb. I sing random things in diffrent voices. Esteban is WORTH getting star struck over and if I didn't think guitar players were ass holes... I'd let that creepy mexican teach me the guitar. I am a sarcastic fuck. Fat girls asses in bikinis look like a hundred pounds of chewed bubble gum. And I love bubble gum. I'd rather try to get smoke inside of a glass bottle using a baseball bat than listen to someone complain. I wish I was a Ghostbuster just so I could say "I'm a ghostbuster" when asked what I do for a living, then step back and cross my arms like it was 1992. I believe in treating people how you want to be treated. I am a sucker for motivational quotes. Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car. I am busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Materialistic people crack me up, because they actually think they are happy. Thinking that we are the only ones in the universe makes you nuttier than squirrel turd. American Psycho and Silence of the Lambs should be in the comedy section of Blockbuster. I think John Travolta SHOULD be beat to death. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Pop Up Video should NOT have been cancelled. I don't read novels. Saying "thank you" and "please" is extremely important. Texting and myspace have lowered peoples social skills. I don't take networking internet sites seriously. I think shit-talking on the internet is about as useful as trying to kill an elephant by throwing a tic tac at it. I love people watching at bars. People look funny when they're mad. I WILL beat you at a game of tetris. The fact that Bill Paxton was killed by an Alien, the Predator, AND the Terminator should AUTOMATICALLY qualify him for an academy award. Holidays are over-rated. Dave Chappelle is a viable GENIUS. I love the beach. I'd like to watch Gary Busey and Rosie O'donnell grind each other on a dance floor to a Billy Ocean tribute band. I love whiskey flavored anything. Laughter can cure more than you think. Spell check is one of the best inventions next to the wheel. I don't give a fuck about your band.I have a strange obsession with people over 7 and a half feet tall. I wish I could use the Jedi mind trick on people. A 1991 Mazda 929S is the best car EVER. Michael Jackson is the best thing to happen to the world since the phone. I think humans should fling poo at each other like monkeys do when they get angry. The best way to hit on a girl at a bar is to order her a "Gorilla Fart". I wish Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket was my dad. The Geico caveman and Jack Links Messin' with Sasquatch commercials are GENIUS. I'm an excellent driver.. Just like Charlie Babbit. I cook well & BBQ even better.. but not on a gas BBQ.. Them there damn BBQ's aren't for true Americans. Want a tri-tip or a rib-eye done up like o snap? Come to me. Everyone knows that I can drink beer faster than the person that you think is a fast beer drinker. I love the Dallas Cowboys. And you love them too.. Admit it. I have a problem with being on time most of the time, but I try. I hate cold hot dogs but love bologna. I'm random but constiant. People claim to know me when I can't even remember their name. My milkshake has brought all kinds of girls to the yard.. But I have never had a chocolate milkshake. What else.. My family is like, Whoa. I've never had a dingleberry. I have a dog named Doja. Wonder why? Cause crack is whack. I've been accused of being a drummer. My pool is dark blue.. I had a music stand thrown at me by a 6'5 300+ lb. man at the tender age of 10. When I was 18, I almost killed the young half of my family in my first car. At 23 my shoulders started to grow hair. Jesus loves me, this I know, and now you know. And knowing is half the battle.And if you didn't know.. I'm the drummer of the KUNG FU CONSPIRACY and AARON DURR & THE DIRTY DOJO.