i am no longer alive.
R.I.P
1997-2006
I AM THE PHARAOH THROUGHOUT ALL THE LAND!
Well I've been previously married 4 times. My first wife was Martha Stewart who died in a horrible train wreck. Louise was my second wife, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. However, in her early forties she underwent laser eye surgery. The operation went haywire and she soon became a crippled/blind mess. I decided it was time to end that relationship. My third wife's name was Janet. I found out two months into the marriage that she was a Jew, so I killed her. Jorge [Hor-hay] was my fourth and final wife. He was a plumber for the New York Knicks.
I have 7 siblings and 2 parents.
3 sisters - Mary, Susan B. Anthony, and Albert
6 brothers - Mark, Lucas, Jesus, and Canary
2 hermaphrodites - Wallace and Gromit
and one manatee
I never met my dad, but I hear that he's a real bitch
My mom - Jeffrey. she's a 39 year old realtor
When I was 5, i got my 1st period. When I turned 9, I was arrested for assault and battery and was sent to the Indiana Girls' School where I was forced to have sexual relations with the staff. This is where I acquired my first STD.
Years later I was an extra in the movie Jurassic Park [I played the stegosaurus]. In '94 I acted the part of the T-1000 in Terminator 2. I received an Academy Award and a Tony for my perfomance. I was later asked to have a part in the musical Annie, but I refused.
Alcohol is probably the sexiest thing on this planet. I've been drinking since birth, mainly because my mother breast fed me, but I didn't get addicted until my adolescent years. This is also when I was introduced to cocaine, acid, and X.
Recently I was indited into the Federal Bureau of Transportation where I became a world famous taxi driver. I have driven celebrities such as Liberace, 50 Cent, Lambchops, Magneto, Leonardo Da Vinci, Justin Timberlake, Osama Bin Laden, Joseph Stalin, Edward Scissorhands, and Gumby.
In 2005, I campaigned for pharaohism in the People's Republic of China. Soon after I was awarded a Nobel Prize for good looks and great charisma. I won the election in the late fall and have been charged multiple times with fraud and DUI since then. I eat anyone who wishes to impeach me and I have been known for letting my children play in traffic.
Anyways, I have a really big penis and if you want to see it, I'll send you a picture =D
A Memoir to Misty
written by Shawna.
Misty died while saving helpless orphans from a burning building. Misty, however, didn't make it. The damage to his kidneys was too great. They had to cut life support on October 18, 2006, Wednesday evening. He just had to be a hero.
Misty was more than a cat. He was a best friend, the third of a duo, and the object of many cruel jokes. He was more than a physical life, he was about half our laughter. Through life he carried the burden of our troubles, and perhaps a few extra pounds. Misty: brave, outgoing, attractive, caring, intelligent, mischievous. He not only ate everything edible, he not only crapped on the floor and stunk up the whole house, he also symbolized a friendship between two girls. And now that symbol is somewhere frolicking in the great litter box in the sky. But the legacy of Misty, my friends, will forever live.
