first and foremost i like to make spelling mistakes and not correct them. listening to belle and sebastian when its 80 degrees out. sitting by the pool with my feet under the jets. wearing jeans really low and then when people tell me how low they are, pulling them down even lower. i like buying takeaways at silly o'clock in the morning and when i cant think of a word i like to say rarara instead. i get lazy when i talk to people and give up mid sentence. i like to write long, babbling answers to short questions. i like writing in biro and pencil but hate to write in fountain pen. i think maths book paper is possibly the best paper around. i like being patronised by older people. as a journalist i should say like writing and magazines and stuff. i love GQ, dazed and confused and the like, film magazines like empire are great, but no longer hotdog since i worked for them and found out they were all socially inept nerd-virgins(the worst kind of virgins) i like classy stuff like ID and wallpaperas well as pure trash like heat and new. i like looking at girls with really big cheek bones. i think painfully skinny pale girls are pretty even though everybody says they look unhealthy. i like men who look like hobos. i like hobos. i love beards. i am obsessed with hair. i one day hope to grow a handlebar mustache. i like sarcasm. i like to only read books once but then i keep the book forever. i dont buy bookmarks. i read in the bath. im not extremely sexual. i dont see a problem with people getting plastic surgery. i eat way too much, to the point where doctors thought i had thyroid problems but it turns out i just eat too much. i know i shouldnt do things, but i do them anyway. i love movies and music and books, which is why i collect all three. i have dvds, cds and novels i have never watched/heard/read even though i could never get rid of them. i love filmmaking but i'm not brilliant at it (as my degree work proved, hmmm, i seem to remember lots of distorted sound effects and close ups of random household objects). i love talking bullshit to people for hours about nothing, playing the "would you rather" game, getting more and more offensive as the questions go on. i like writing fake love letters to people i know from other people i know, i like old ladies that shoplift and swear. i think photography is ace - especialy with my new fish eye lens and lomography junk, all the creative stuff is hella fun. i love london. i love american retro. i love caroline herrera. i love pretending to be a vip. i love palm trees. i love hotels. i love getting drunk and talking to people i'll never see again. i love special offers and walking into shops that i know i cant afford anything in. i hate exclamation marks but i use them too much. i write sentences that are too long. i wear pyjamas and have done for as long as i rememebr. i like stripes. white is my favourite colour. i listen to music too much and download bands before ive even heard their music just because somebody told me they were good. i prefer baths to showers and cannot swim, ride a bike or skate. i love snow. i hope to move to New York, Japan or Paris by the time i'm 25. i love artists. i love art. black and white photography is possibly the most beautiful medium ever. i like it when people rub my back. i like downloading old cartoons that remind me of my childhood like captain planet, rockos modern life and maxis world. i like it when people play with my hair. my friend rachel makes me happier than any other person has ever done in my life. i prefer dating to sex. i prefer sleeping on the floor to sleeping in my bed. i prefer dogs to cats. i wear socks all the time and buy them from GAP. i think clothes from zara look nice but dont last long. i think models are better people. i like vincent gallos singing voice more than his acting. i dream about celebrities way too much. i buy magazines that i dont read.i hate the colour blue, but have blue t shirts and currently have blue carpet in my villa. i like to shave my own head but i prefer long hair to short. i wish i could tan. my grandad was born in pakistan. i wish i was taller. i spend money too freely and worry too much about spending it too freely. my brother always told me i would have a heart attack by the time i was 30 because i worry too much about everything. my mum doesnt drink. my dad only drinks beer. i want to get onto the property market even though im ridiculously young. i worry about being poor. i never stop working because i want to get as far as i can as soon as possible. i set my self impossible goals. i make too many mistakes. i have said and done too many things that i regret. i have lost people who could have been great friends. i have kept people close who have turned out to be wankers. i like salted popcorn, though i hated the stuff till 3 years ago. i miss people and dont tell them enough. i need to take better care of myself. i dont eat enough fruit and veg. im happiest when im out with my friends doing anything. i prefer being silly to being mature. things that make me happy include picnics, clubs, wandering round town. i chew my nails. i chew blue tack. i eat paper. i like clubs but had never been to one till i was 18. i didnt drink or swear until i was 18. now i do both way too much. i have never smoked. i love buses. i love night buses. my chin is too big and i sweat too much. i like swedish people purely because they are swedish. i like to say french words in the middle of a sentence like jadore and tres, tho i cannot speak french. i want to learn arabic and hate the taste of leeks. i have a danish first name but dont use it because i dont like it. i would like a tattoo but im too fickle i would want it different every day. i like the idea of exercise and sport but have never taken part in any. i do not watch sport on the television. i like galleries. i like people who are good at doing accents and people who know a lot of things. i once ran into an open window and split my head open.
I'd like to meet:
well obviously i dont wanna meet weirdos. but hey, beggers can't be choosers.would love to mingle with madonna, black strobe, nicole ritchie, missy elliott, brett easten ellis, the sheffield (thats jeremey sheffield to you not in the know), anthony crank, saffron burrowns and her amazing gravity-defying cheekbones, tyra, kristin scott thomas in a dolphin suit, jason schwarzman so i could feed him strips of cheese and tell him his hair smells divine, Le Tigre, juliette lewis, Donatella versace, moldy peaches, the Olsen Twins (preferably not in a rehab/anorexia clinic setting), paris hilton, lindsay lohan, the genius that invented chocolate cake, a talking duck in scuba gear, william s burroughs and the creators of ren and stimpy,a good plastic surgeon, a catholic priest who hasnt molested any children (a very rare find indeed) and mariah carey because i hate her, she looks like a pork sausage in a dress and sings like a choir boy on acid, jaime scott but when she was younger and prettier and used her real name james scott so i guess i'd want to meet the guy who invented the time machine too? men named mohammed and people with beards and of course many many more....
Music:
the hrills deserve world domination if only for the fact the lead singers beard is surpassable by none - not even the late great oprahs thriving chin fluff, the pipettes, gomez, ladyfuzz, any cd compilations by karl lagerfeld, rachael yamagata, the waitresses, the au pairs, the view, jamie t, robots in disguise, vhs or beta, tv on the radio (esp "robots"), that song that tyra banks tried yo release, hot chip, mr T,Missy Elliott, Peaches, Madonna, Daft Punk, Royksop, LCD soundsystem, bedouin sound clash, chilled stuff like joanna newson and final fantasy adventure.exe, Emeliana Torrini, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Knife, Simian, lords of acid, moldy peaches, white stripes, dandy warhols, MIA, the sound of rachels voice which is like music to my ears, black box recorder, movie soundtracks, 80s - jeez louise the 80s were great, princess superstar, kaila yu, felix da housecat (koochie choo is a personal fave), les rhythm digital, 2 many djs, an old cd i found called futurism which is fking amazing with tiga, ladytron and a load of cool dancey people on it like chicks on speed, do u think im a slut, donkey puncha nd you love this ass by avenue d,clap your hands say yeah, le tigre(oh i saaid them twice i must really like them), cat power, soccer practice, gay pimp is so cool he makes teenage boys wet themselves, avenue q's everyones a little bit racist should be on everyones playlist, this song that goes "dont need a reason to/do the things that i do/ dont want to impress you/ just wanna undress u/ and the way you come your hair/like its 1982" by mount simms, actresses that sing - milla jovavich is ace, if she had breasts i'd think she was jesus, and juliette lewis -need we say more-brittany murphy's proper funky ass too and kate moss has a real sweet voice, jesus literally everything from electro to rock (the strokes, licks, vines, hives) to great stuff like bob dylan, the long blonds, the dresdon dolls, cansei de ser sexy are fuking ace everytime i hear their song me and paris hilton it makes me proud to have ears, elliott smith, hot chip, electroclash, shit disco and grandaddy fuking rule the airwaves man, even cheesey pop like the similou and stuff that you pretend you dont like but after a couple of vodkas you know every word (girls aloud i'm looking at you...) plus there's this super cheese singer from america called vitamin c "come on girls/you know what boys like/it aint no secre..ys like girls"...hmmm, not all boys...and yes, i do own a mandy moore cd - dont hate me cos you aint me guys
Movies:
dude now your talking my language. i love movies. just call me a geek. i love everything. for serious. i even buy movies from the pound store and discount bins because i just love watching stuff, even complete shite. for the last nine months i have lived on downloads from the internet and have discovered the joy of badly recorded pirate copies. recent films i have downloaded include dogville, crazy/beautiful, mysterious skin, the devil wears prada and havoc. i have tried to download marie antoinette three times and it has been porn every time. i love movies with blondie in. she was great in the fluffer. i downloaded the fluffer and its all in spanish so i watched it anyway and didnt understand a word of it. she was great in spun. i watched shopgirl and cried. i fell in love with jason schwartzman in it then downloaded his back catalog and he has donw some great films. slackers is a great movie. dvds i own at home include jesus:the biography which rachel bought me for christmas, chuck and buck which i bought for 2 quid because it had a quote from dazed and confused on the back and it turned out to be one of the best films ive ever seen, bound, to die for, magnolia, swimming pool, childs play, closer, gia, foreign jism like funny games, baise moi, run lola run, old boy, i love films from the 80s that i grew up watching with my dad like clue, which is based on the boardgame cluedo and every time i watch it i get warm and fuzzy rememebring sitting on our pink sofa watching it on betamax, with my dad laughing his head off at tim curry, i love british comedy films like monty python and watched the holy grail every night for a week when i was 11, my fave movie director is francois ozon who did 8 women, 6x4 etc etc, and one day i hope to meet him and fan him with press releases and peel him grapes, i love proper cheese like mean girls and josie and the pussycats, films where you dont have to think, i like chick flicks like sleepless in seattle and when harry met sally they get me going like a fox, movies that are random - like all of wes andersons stuff, the royal tenenbaums still makes me weep like a ass-slapped baby, proper love the 80s, was there ever a better movie than breakfast club? manequin? weird science? plus they did all the good horror movies in the 80s, i love horror films. i even watch horror films that went straight to video because i love the ideas behind them. i love cape fear, i watched it when i was 10 and fell in love with juliette lewis, scorsese is good, i love the king of comedy, it made me sad and happy and a whole gamut of emotions, i used to hate sandra bernhard but when i saw her in king of comedy i forgave her the whole amdonna lesbian relationship thing, death becomes her totally makes my legs turn to jism and i watch it every year, i used to worship goldie hawn, saving private benjamin and overboard are like my childhood, my fave film would be between a french film called sitcom about a family of sex crazed weirdos (and a rat, of course) and happiness by todd solondz - not for everyone but so fuckin funny i swear if you have a sick sense of humour this is for u, however if your not into misogyny/incest/murder than i guess this really isn't for you and you should go rent 13 going on 30 instead. i also love that crazy american wackjob who has a long abortion face and handlebar mastouche that did cecil b demented and pink flamingos and maggie gylenhaal movies are aolways pretty damo good
Television:
i havnt owned a tv for 9 months, which is probably good as i watched it way too much when i had one. god i dont know. i proper love americas next top model - does that make me a bad person? otherwise i love proper trash like average joe, project catwalk, the cut, playing it straight (american reality tv really is cool bananas)plus american sitcoms that are just brainless slush from days of yore like married with children "alllllllllll", golden girls and the like, and lets not forget murder she wrote, angela lansbury was my schoolboy crush after all. but i love stuff like that everyone likes like friends and simpsons and family guy and american dad but i love other stuff too like documentaries, but only if theyr interesting like when they're about feeders or killers or beastiality or pornstars that had tragic mysterious deaths (yes primarily my sources are channels four and five here). bitchy ameriacn reality tv is cool, anything with tyra banks in gets the thumbs up (shes a shit chat show host but i love her for it), plus oprah she's cool, any lesbian that has her own magazine and puts her self on the cover on every issue gets the thumbs up, plus theres this proper amazing program on mtv called sweet sixteen about millionaire brats spending god knows how much money on their birthday bash. mtv programs in general actually are pretty ace. i like programs about models, mtv seem to have loadsa them. and i dont think ive mentioned enough about that talking walrus oprah, man i love dat girl, she be my homegirl, i love the whole black finger waving that goes on in her interviews "jamie, jamie fox, jamie you no wot we once wer poor now i b lookin round goin how did i get all dis stuff" she does the same thing as trisha in that the interview is always about her and not her guest "yeah yeah yeah madonna enough about your kids, i was just a poor blak girl, now look at me"man i love taht ho one day i'm gon take her for some fried chicken rice and pea, anything with jodie marsh in has to be watched as she is just wrong, she fking looks like a douche and god/allah/whatever certainly broke the mould with that, and its nice to watch in disbelief. big brother gets me every year, plus i like old stuff too like moonlighting, back when cybil shepherd looked like a woman, nighty night always manages to sicken and disgust me to just the right extent too. i ordered a load of dvds from ebay and so play them on my laptop and squint my eyes pretending i have a tv, the dvd's i bought include brasseye, darth mirenghis darkplace, how do you want me (i have a thing for dylan moran), the mighty boosh and the peep show. good times. i also managed to watch an episode of hollyoaks on the internet and felt as though my brain had been raped. raped by aids infected ladies with crabs for nipples. in a bad way.
Books:
been reading a lot recently actually. read in cold blood by truman capote but didnt really like it, then moved onto this french book about philosophy it was amazing and it made me feel smart, i would get it out on public transport so people thought i was a genius. sometimes i like to be really pretentious and read books about art or literature, like essays by scholars and cult beatnick novels. i bought some art books from the tate because tehy were shiny. they turned out to be interesting reads too. i like to look thru glossy design books. i like fashion books and photography books. i have so many books that are just huge, beautiful pages of photographs. i also buy books about countries i like and just flick thru, its like a mini holiday. i have lots of books of japan and the poor streets of america like the bronx. i like graffiti and have a lot of books on graffiti and street art. i like novels too but i go thru fazes and i read like 5 books at once. recent boks i finished include stuart (which won some orange prize thing) it's okay but not great (though the end proper made me sob like a fishwife), and this book called flicker book which is quite cool. havent read anything AMAZING in a while tho, apart from heat! theres a good book called kissing england doing the rounds thats worth a looksie and paulo coelho is pretty coolies. also read a quite good book called do white whales sing at the edge of the world, it got a bit deep at times though. other than that william s burroughs and brett easten ellis are pretty damo cool. read his new one and werent too impressed, i loved the chapters that were based on his actual life cos man, hes had an amaazing life - bar all the near deaths and addictions - i mean the man had madonna and andy warhol at his college graduation cos he was a pop icon at like 20, i mean fuk me thats mad. but it wernt no american psycho. i love roald dahl, just read kiss kiss, i'd never read his adult novels before so was not sure what to expect but man it was ace. i used to fking love his kiddy novels, i was a total spenk, id read them zillions a times, i remember the twits vividly and i read georges marvelous medicine and filled me ma's bath tub with everything in the house. it dint make no magical potion, just a fuking mess, like. i also read geri halliwells biog and strangely loved it, the woman has issues but shes gravy. reading a 1940s compendium of grimms fairy tales at mo that me mammy bought me as well as hari krishnas guide to life, in between the sheets by ian mcewan, convent girls, coming through the slaughter and the story of art (which is actually a lot more interesting than it sounds). my favourite book of all time is city of boys by beth nugent. its the only book i've ever wanted to read more than once. its a collection of stories about people who live in an american city and nothing ever happens, its just about the casualties of every day life. my favourite story in it was about a boy who leaves home and rents a grotty apartment and its about how beautiful he is and how slowly, day by day he is losing his beauty, his hands are getting dirtier and his skin is growing darker and slowly he's losing everything he was.i also like some graphic novels, ive never been into comic books or anything because frankly i think comics are for dog raping necropheliac...make that dog raping dyslexic necropheliacs, but stuff like ghost world is amazing. i like books that look nice, and i always judge a book by its cover.
Heroes:
one hit wonders. fat kids. people with stretch marks. all-you-can-eat restaurant owners. fern britton and her legion of feeder fans. first time writers who never make it big but create stunning masterpieces that will make people change the way they think - beth nugent, nore esphar, iaian soms. self-made millionnaires. black people. tyra banks for bringing fashion (i.e bitchy anorexics in spandex) to the silver screen. your mum. my mum. anyone with a vagina. angela lansbury for being my first crush. juliette lewis for being amazing and keepinit real jlo style (oh dont get me started on that bronx ass-face i'm sure she is down with all the kids and all that but i dont b buyin the whole street ghetto stuff, yeh im sure she wer thinking of all the slums in the bronx when she had her 32mill dollar wedding - twat). andy warhol. my best friend rachel for making the world a better place to live and cheese for tasting good. the thrills. ala ebtekar, amir fallah, middle eastern artists that are experimenting with their voice. hot people, the guy that made up the phrase "keep your eyes peeled". arabs. people who will only sleep with arabs. ladies who call their breasts jugs. little boys. paedophiles. professors that conduct completely pointless tests like "does someone witha name beginning with the letter p stand more of a chance contracting cancer". smart people. people who studied proper subjects like sciences and maths. people who are anorexic but deny it...and of course jesus for making all this possible, god bless that sandal wearing homo
