85 POUND POUTINE - IMPROVISED CANADIANNESS
NEW VIDEO for Moose Droppings For Xmas!!
-LEGACY OF THE POUTINE-
85 POUND POUTINE was formed when a French-Canadian decided it would be a good idea to mix fries with cheese and gravy. Clogging arteries everywhere since, the wrath of the worlds largest poutine has just begun!!
Watch for our redneck Canadian asses in a city nearest you.....for booking or info please send an email to [email protected]
85 POUND POUTINE - Bearded Beaver Balls Demo
Recorded at the infamous Sardonic Moon studio in Sudbury.
1. Plaid Flannel Jacket
2. You Suck At Curling
3. Moose Droppings For Christmas
4. Human Poutine Trough
5. The Slug Snorter
Plaid Flannel Jacket.
I found a plaid flannel jacket in the woods...when i was hunting for moose. It was worn by someone who was torn....I found a plaid jacket. I put it on and noticed the blood...blood in my mouth. Plaid flannel jacket, please give me good luck. You used to be worn by someone who didnt know how to fuck. I found a plaid flannel jacket!!!
You Suck at Curling.
I met you at College for Curlers. Your old greying hair flaked on my knee and then you farted into my face....You farted in my face. You suck at curling. Your curly hair, your curly hair sucks at curling. Olympian athlete, Olympian athlete. Grab your broom stick it up my ass. Grab your broom and stick it up my ass. You suck at curling, you suck at curling. Paralympian athlete, slipping on the ice. You will all lose at the Olympics because I bashed you in the head with my broom. Slip on the ice.
Slip on your shit, Sip on your shit Slip on your shit, Sip on your shit. You suck at Curling...You suck at Curling!!!
Moose Droppings for X-mas.
Follow me down the trail of moose droppings. Collect piles of feces to put under the tree. Give your father some moose turds for christmas. Give your brother some moose dropping porridge for christmas breakfast. Your mothers been bad, shes been fucking my dad. She deserves moose droppings in her pussy. Pussy. Smear the turd all over her ass. Its Christmas Eve. Smear her ass with the moose feces. Smear her ass with the moose feces!!!
Human poutine trough.
Human poutine trough, Human poutine trough. There is horse shit eating poutine. Green horse shit eating poutine...eating poutine. Human horse tough, Human horse trough. Horse Butt...Human Horse Butt Farting chunks to the south. Cheese gravy fries in my mouth spewing out into your butt
Overflowing from your rectum. Feast on my ass. Feast on my poutine stained ass. Cheese fries and gravy in the cracks of my ass. Splattering shit chunks everywhere. Spew forth shit chunk salad everywhere. Ripping your anus muscle...sphincter muscle!!!
Slug Snorter.
Please give me back my slug. I need it to get high. Slimy insects worming into my lungs. Slimy insects worming inside of my lungs.
Breeding slugs for intoxication. The slug snorter slips its way into my brain.
Coming out my eyes, pure genocide. The slug bleeding from slugs leaving the hole in my face.
RCMP (Royal Canadian Mega-Poutine).
Have no fear, Gravy is here. The pigs are out eating poutine. The doughnut shops are empty. Because of Royal Canadian Mega-Poutine. Mega Poutine…Mega Poutine..Royal Canadian Mega Poutine. Its what everybodys eating. Its what everyones feeding their children for breakfast and desert. RCMP…Royal Canadian Mega-Poutine…RCMP!! Get on your horse, you fucking cops. I want to punch you in your cock. Because you are a piece of shit, for eating all our poutine. Your piece of green pussy, will be so greasy.
Beaver Fever.
Ive got the beaver fever, and its flowing through my veins
Ive got the beaver fever, and its flowing through my veins. Would someone please help me? I need to find something to fuck really hard. Maybe a beaver, maybe a moose, maybe a bear? I really don’t care. I just have the beaver fever. I contracted it from swimming in a lake full of beavers. Whenever it hurts, covered in sores. And everything you see will be deterred. Ive got the beaver fever..will someone please help me? I need to find something to molest and fuck. I’ll probe the sleeping, or if its dead. I really don’t care, just give me some head. Beaver Fever….Beaver Fever!!! Rodents gather round my feet and you will see there’s nothing to fear. But getting your head cut off and put on my mirror. Put on my mirror…Put on my mirror! I fell into a lake, and caught beaver fever. And now I fuck anything with eight legs or less.
Stephen Parper.
Look what you did!! You voted for Steve Harper!
Now Canada’s in flames, burning to the ground!! Stephen Harper, he’s a bloody parper. Stephen Harper, hes a bloody parper. I want to fart into his mouth and watch his head swell up and then explode into the sky. I want to collect the pieces of his brain and eat them for breakfast. Peckneck!! Stephen Harper, hes a bloody parper. Stephen Harper, hes a bloody parper! I’m hungry for politicians. I’m hungry for Stephen fucking Harper. Stephen Harper, what a bloody parper. Stephen Harper, you’re not welcome here anymore. Stephen Harper, what a bloody parper! I want to get picked on parliament. He’s a bloody peckneck. Next election I’m X’ing out my ballot because someone voted for a peckneck like Stephen Harper. Someone needs to vote him out. Vote his ass out of parliament because he’s old! He’s fifty-five years old! We need some teenagers running the house of parliament because we wouldn’t pay taxes anymore. I’ve got five cents left in my wallet because Stephen Harper’s our prime minister. They’re too old for anything. They fart dust
They’re going to die of cancer any day. Get out of parliament you senile fucks…you decrepit fucks!!
Keep Your Puck On The Ice.
Wayne Gretzky sucks, compared to Zarley Zalapski. He caught him in the eye with his stick, and he lost his eye on the ice.
That’s why Wayne Gretzky’s retired…..That’s why he’s retired!! Mark Messier was purely gay. That’s why he’s the ad guy for Lays. Now he’s fat. His ears flop over his head when he runs down the street. Ken Wregget was a maggot. He was only a backup goalie his whole career. Freeing his penis he used to spew on his coaches crotch. That’s why he got sixty eight points in one game. Ever since that game, he was never the same. He lost his game because his coach used to prod his butt after practise. Mario Lemiuex…Mario Lemieux!! Keep your puck on the ice, keep your puck on the ice! Keep your puck on the ice, keep your puck on the ice!
KFC (Kukagami Fried Children).
In Kukagami theres this place…where someone serves humans for a taste …of fried children! Kukagami Fried Children…. Kukagami Fried Children! His name is John the Leprechaun. He serves children in his spaghetti. And everyone comes back for thirds and fourths, they don’t know that its children grinded into the soup. It makes them poop, it makes them poop little green turds that look like croutons with mould. Kukagami Fried Children….Kukagami Fried Children! You cant miss the store, it’s the only one on the road. Kukagami Ontario is where all the crazy people go
They like to slurp children in their spaghetti. Kukagami Fried Children…..Kukagami Fried Children! John the leprechaun has never been caught for cutting up children and serving them. $5.99, the Tuesday special. He sells out of crispies, crispies! Crispy children knees served with ice cream.
The Immigrant Song.
Pack my bags and head North to Canada. Slippery like a snake through the borders of their shitty security. I’m from Mexico living in Canada. I’ve got my SIN card and my bank account. I’ve frauded fifteen countries already and I’m only ten years old. My father smuggled me with his truck. He was delivering condoms to Shoppers Drug Mart (to Shoppers Drug Mart). And now I’m ten years old, I’ve got a Rolls Royce. I work at a variety store, called Buckshot’s Variety. I’m an immigrant with a vengeance!! My fat brother is coming North in two weeks. His name is Blinner. He’s a skinner, he likes to sniff whole rocks. He came from Venezuela. But he’s my brother because we killed one another. And now I’m living in Canada…I’m only ten years old.
I Need My Timmies!!.
6AM in the morning, and I need my coffee. Wheres my Timmies? I need my Timmies!! Wheres my Timmies? I need my Timmies!! Get into my car, but I don’t make it very far. Ive got to stop at the drive thru and stare at some fat bitch behind the window. You’ve got my coffee bitch? you aint getting a tip unless it comes from underneath my pants. 7AM…Still no coffee intake! Get out of my car. Walk into the store and start blasting away. Just to get my coffee first. I’ve gone postal at Timmies!! I’ve gone postal at Timmies!! I'm not waiting in line for you….I need my coffee right now. 8AM…..and theres hot knives in your face. At least Ive got my Timmies
AA Eh?.
Come with me to my AA Eh! Meeting. I learned to drink from my mother and her grandmother. They used to buy me sixties of rum…yum! That’s OK cause now I can drink anyone under the table. Would you like to join me at my AA Eh meeting? That’s OK, Ill go another day. Fifty meetings in a row! Lack of attendance has caused me to lose my tendons from drinking too much booze. I can’t stop drinking! I can’t stop drinking!!! Canadian Club in my bum while Im drinking Silent Sam from both my eyes. My liver is full of beer, it squirts on the mirror when I pop my zits. I learned to drink from my mother and her grandmother. They used to drink me under the table…until I killed them in a bar fight!
BC Budz.
Pass me over that doobie….its time to get a little baked. Just a little. Not fried, just baked. Not Fried! Just Baked! Not Fried! Just Baked! I needed weed so I went to the corner store. I need some weed, so please help me. All I need is a five piece. I’m a light snorter but when I go to BC I get so stoned that I get so crazy. My skin starts to sweat and then I forget what I ate two seconds before. I get so fucked off BC Bud. There’s nothing like it on the planet but butt sex….with a giraffe. Only when I’m stoned on BC Bud. I do strange things like fuck my neighbors cousin who lives in Florida. BC Budz where do you come from? BC Budz where do you come from? I’ve got a sty in my eye from sleeking, speaking, seeping! Seeping onto the floor. I smoked too much weed. I’m so bloody stoned, I just fingered my bum with a soldering iron
And now I can’t remember my name. I think its Henry, or maybe its William, or maybe it’s John. I cant remember this song. Was there even a song to begin with? BC Budz where do you come from? BC Budz where do you come from?
Lard-Ass Avalanche.
Lard ass avalanche flowing downward. Millions of obese Canadians in the landslide. Lard ass avalanche, lard ass avalanche! Lard ass avalanche crushes my legs. Now I’m caught with a fat grandma stuck on my legs. I pull the chainsaw out from my back pocket and then I cut off my legs and break myself free from the landslide. But I’m isolated on an island so I cut up the fat lady for my breakfast. Lard ass avalanche, lard ass avalanche keeps me alive! Now I’m sixty three. I weigh four thousand and three pounds of pure protein. I joined the lard ass avalanche. They recruited me as a captain of the force because I weigh the most from eating all the lard ass. You can’t keep me from my fat, its on my belly. Now I dig into myself to keep myself alive! I should have made a boat from all the bones, but not I pulverised them and made toothpicks, toothpicks from my bones.Lard ass landslide. Lard ass avalanche!!
All The Best Canadian Wrestlers Are Dead.
All the best Canadian wrestlers are dead. Bret The Hit Man Hart, He’s the only one left. But he will soon die!! I’ve got a shotgun, its fully loaded. Pointed at the hit mans face. Put him in the grave with his brother, because they used to fuck each other! Blast him in the face…cause they’re a disgrace. Were going to feast on you! Cant escape these wrestling fumes.What about your hepatitis? It tastes like poo. I’m gonna suplex you onto the concrete. Because you think you’re a wrestling fan. I’m going to rip off your face and wear it into the ring because I’m He Man, Because I’m He Man! And Ill beat you right in your face. Remember your business which leads you to pieces. I cant remember the last time I body slammed my mother into the lawn…mower! Shes growing shorter by the minute, by the minute, by the minute. Chris Benoit and Owen Hart are in heaven body slamming each other
Viagra Falls.
Viagra Falls!! Viagra Falls!! Its that time of the month again. Oh God No!! Here she comes flowing like a volcano down her legs. Please don’t open those near me or Ill get coated with your viagra falls. Please stay away from me and keep your legs closed at all times. Please sweet seas of red her wrists cumming (ugh) Viagra Falls!! Viagra Falls!! Here comes Betsy coming down the tracks one mile an hour. Shes got red liquid stains through her pants. I wonder where she learned to dance? She probably learned from Micheal Jackson videos back in 1986. Four year old menopause explosion. A monument of explosiveness. Viagra Falls!! Viagra Falls!! Stay away from me with your stained pussy. Stay away from me with your viagra Falls crotch! Stay away from me with your viagra Falls crotch!
POUTINE EATING CONTEST AT SUDBURY METAL FEAST IV
