Fat! Dorky! Sleeps on G.I.Joe sheets! Strangely SINGLE!
Here's what I'm up to right now:
(Follow HooveRtron at http://twitter.com)
I'm all over the place now:
Here's what people (including myself) say about me:
"The fires of Hell burn a little brighter because you exist." --Nick Mehalick to me.
"He is SUCH a rock star." --Cristina Minter, after seeing me come into the store, wearing my jean jacket and sunglasses, casually acknowledging her appearance with a slight wave.
"If Cobra Commander was real, you'd get some kind of Good Conduct Award." --Jerzy Drozd, talking about my extravagant spending on Cobra action figures.
"If I wanted women who fought back, I wouldn't pursue paraplegics." --HooveR
"No offense, but I swear you ramble worse than a 14 year-old girbul in that there blargh of yours, Jerry." --Joe Simone, to me, about the Blahg .
"You're a very sweet guy, Hoov. Don't worry, I won't tell a soul." --Jerzy Drozd
"i was once afraid of hoover, but now i'm in love with him." --old Friendster testimonial for HooveR by Shawn Guilloteen.
"I think it's that you're insanely pure of heart and content. People seem to have trouble being those two things." --Helen Lin, on HooveR's best quality.
"I can't help but wish (sometimes) that someone gave a flying fig what my perspective is (aside from YOU; you only listen so you can make fun of me later, you worm). --Jerzy Drozd, to me.
"HooveR spends his money on THIS?!?" --Jason Penrod, upon being told that it was HooveR's t.A.T.u. CD playing in the store after hours.
"Why must you always fight for the title of "Biggest ASS I know!"?!?" --Joe Simone, to me.
"I would be an amazing webdesigner, if the year were still 1997." --HooveR, marveling at how he still actually writes webpages in HTML in the year 2005.
"Your car just SMELLS like Icee."--Jason Penrod, after getting into the HooveRmobile for something like the 10th or 12th time.
"I don't even follow through with not following through." --HooveR, on himself.
"I saw something so disturbing tonight and it made me think of you. " --Joe Simone, to me.
"Some people wait all their life for Miss Right to come around... I'm just waiting for Cobra Commander." -- HooveR, explaining how worship-minded he would become if and when he's faced with someone in a Cobra Commander costume.
"You carry everything out with such great detail, it's frightening in an almost endearing sort of way." --Sara Douin, unsure whether I'm amazing or just completely stupid.
"Good God, I'm *&^%ing lame." --HooveR, about himself after he got the idea to photoshop "cat glasses" onto hot comic girls to make them even hotter.
"Godd@mn dude, there's something wrong with you." --Nick Mehalick, to me.
LOOK! PHOTOS OF ME! AVERT YOUR EYES!!:
HEY PEOPLES: As a general rule, if I don't know you in "real life", and you want to send me a friend-request, I expect you to actually, oh, I don't know, *WANT* to be friends, and actually *COMMUNICATE* with me on a fairly regular basis. So send me a detailed essay accompanying your friend request explaining why we should be friends. :p I'm up for making new online buddies, but I'm not into just adding people for adding's sake. When I get friend req's with no explanation, I almost never approve 'em. Just introduce yourself, people. Ain't hard.