toothpicks, dental appliances, experienced periodontals, necklaces made from the teeth of conquered foes, toe rings, slap bracelets, thumbtacks, the little pieces of plastic and cardboard that come inside of dress shirts, snails, the little rubber wedges that people use to keep doors open with, individual packets of half and half, coffee stirrers, the way towels smell after I've been using them too long because I know the next time I take a shower I get to smell one that's totally clean, having probably the world record for never getting a rash from my deodorant, bottle caps, tape that's sticky on both sides (how do they do that!????), taking the spirals out of spiral notebooks to damage their pride and crush their dreams of being more than just paper, anesthesiology, horse tranquilizers, taking the grounding prong off of electrical plugs to add an element of danger to my life, setting schedule alarms in my phone to remind me of my own birthday, getting an ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles and licking the colors off one by one, alphabetizing my hamsters, finding long mystery hairs on my garments because I have short hair so it's like "who put this here? was a stranger wearing my cod piece?", the little balls of dust that form when I don't vacuum for awhile because it's molecular science at work!, sand, hourglasses, tupperware, collecting zippers and organizing them by size and how loud they zip, powdered sugar, power strips, rug tassles, space, manning space, being a man in space, spaces I might potentially occupy, spaces I have previously occupied but which still exist in the future so I can exist in them again, the future, being from the future, people who don't know I'm from the future so I can go "dude, I'm from the future!" and then they're all weirded out because I know they're going to get fat in a few years but they don't know it yet and they're pretty sure I know that but the doubt causes them to feel weird but then I tell them I'm also a spaceman and then we're cool, people who know I'm from the future but don't think it's such a big deal but then they find out I'm also a spaceman and then they think it's a pretty big deal, the fact that none of the crap in my profile is clickable because I know secret internet codes
Nobody! Leave me alone!
Art Tatum, Autechre, B.B. King, Badly Drawn Boy, The Beastie Boys, Beck, Bela Fleck, Bill Evans, Black Star, Bloodhound Gang, Bob Dylan, Bob Marley, Bond, Buddy Guy, Cake, Chicago, Chick Corea, Christopher O'Riley, Coldplay, Combustible Edison, Cream, CCR, CSN&Y, Deltron 3030, Dispatch, DJ Shadow, Do Make Say Think, Donovan, Dr. Didg, Duran Duran, Edgar Winter Group, Eric Clapton, Explosions in the Sky, Fourtet, Galactic, Garbage, God Speed You Black Emperor, Green Day, Hans Zimmer, Howard Hello, Howlin' Wolf, Jaga Jazzist, Jam Miami, Jazz is Dead, Jeff Beck, Jefferson Airplane, Jethro Tull, Jimi Hendrix, Joe Satriani, John Coltrane, John Lennon, Jordan Rudess, Jurassic 5, Kid Koala, Larry Pierce, Led Zeppelin, Les Claypool's Flying Frog Brigade, Liquid Tension Experiment, Mahavishnu Orchestra, MC Hawking, Medeski, Martin & Wood, Miles Davis, Moby, Moe, Mogwai, Muse, NIN, Nirvana, NOFX, Offspring, Orgy, Oysterhead, Phish, Pink Floyd, Primus, Radiohead, Rage Against the Machine, Ramsey Lewis Trio, Ravi Shankar, RHCP, Reel Big Fish, Richie Havens, Rufus Wainwright, Santana, Shakti, Sly and the Family Stone, Smashing Pumpkins, Son House, Soulive, Stanley Jordan, Steely Dan, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Sublime, The Beatles, The Doors, The Mars Volta, The Rolling Stones, The Roots, The Skatalites, The Velvet Underground, The White Stripes, The Who, Tom Waits, Tool, Tortoise, UI, Van Halen, Victor Wooten, Weird Al, Yes, The Brecker Brothers, Jason Miles, Buckethead, Beta Band
The Upright Citizens Brigade, South Park, Family Guy, Tom Goes to the Mayor, COPS, The Daily Show, The State, Mr. Show, Strangers With Candy, Reno 911, Futurama, Wondershowzen, Law and Order, Shows of the genre "World's Blankiest Blank", Animal Planet, National Geographic, Science Channel, History Channel, Ow! My Balls!
Kurt Vonnegut: All works Hunter S. Thompson: All works -- Albert Camus: The Plague -- Ken Kesey: Sometimes a Great Notion -- Tom Wolfe: The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test -- Alan Watts: The Way of Zen -- Mark Twain: Short Stories -- Jose Saramago: All works -- Robert Hughes: The Fatal Shore -- Jean Paul Sartre: Nausea, No Exit -- Hermann Hesse: Steppenwolf, Siddhartha -- Dr. Seuss: All works -- Lewis Carroll: Through the Looking Glass, Alice in Wonderland -- Terry Pratchett: Everythingetc. etc. etc.
Hunter S. Thompson, Kurt Vonnegut, Ralph Steadman, Marcel Duchamp, Mark Twain, Dr. Seuss, Tiki Barber, The guy who caught a fly ball from the stands at that game between whoever and everyone hated him for it, because fuck baseball.