Hailing from the town of Trad Brick, made famous by the poet Robert Noose in his poem ‘Places I like to see fall into the sea’, Simon Ashby is an erstwhile muscle for hire, misfit musician and social sad sack. Born in 1982 to local tinker Big Pat and his Luxembourgian wife, Lindy, Ashby’s seed blossomed into ‘that fast-growing weed that, no matter how many times you try to dig up, keeps reemerging under your otherwise pristine patio’ (quote from Ashby's school Headmaster).From a young age, Simon had ‘failure’ written all over him, after an argument with an ill-tempered tattooist during the Olympic games in the summer of '92. Determined to prove his new tattoos wrong, Ashby took advantage of his long, long legs to try out for the Great Britain hurdles team. Sadly it was not to be and, several restraining orders later, Ashby decided to try out for the Luxembourg Olympic team instead. He was accepted there but was sent home from the Olympics after testing positive for Nandrolone.For many years, Ashby had worked for local Trad Brick supervillain Anthony Stabbeal and his gang, The Kindred Acquitted. After returning from the Olympics, Ashby was enlisted by Stabbeal to partake in the gang's theft of the Sterne Bell, Trad Brick's prized possession. The gang were successful in their steal, but Ashby soon gave the game away by performing at a local gig. In this gig, he played a selection of his own songs, detailing his involvement in the robbery, and also giving the names and details of others involved. The homemade CDs of these tracks were seized by police and later used as evidence against Ashby and the gang.Ashby received 7-10 months in HM Prison Longshanks; he is currently still serving time (Visiting hours: Saturday 3-4.30pm).In his spare time, Simon enjoys a good corndog, hanging with fiends, running his mouth, and playing korfball.
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