My wonderful girlfriend Lauren. Beautiful, loving, patient, understanding, blessed in the arts... she is the girl that every man dreams of having but never expects to find. The reasons I love her are endless, but beyond all I love her for the way she loves me. She loves me truly.
On the morning of December 17, 2006, the world lost a truely amazing person. Written here is something I have written in his memory, my Ryan, which I have written elsewhere as I cannot gather my strength to write again. Brian, what you have written is a beautiful outpour of emotion that continues to offer me comfort each time I read it.This is Lauren, Ryan's girlfriend. That is who I will always remain.I am here to thank everyone who has taken it to thier hearts to remember this amazing person we had, and will always have in our hearts. I never was able to know any of you, but I am eternally grateful for everyone who was a dear friend to him, especially Brian and Tanya. You both have helped him out so much when he was in need, just to be there at his side. And Brian, you helped him achieve what he most loved, making music and sharing it with the world. He was always his happiest when he would tell me about this amazing piece of music you two created, and when he would craft the tiniest melodies into beautiful, flowing works of art that never failed to stop my heart each time, with the awe of what he would create.Ryan is the only person in the world who I've deemed as completely pure, perfect, and true. He changed my life the minute he first typed his first ''Hello'' to me. My grief from what has happened is immeasurable, and it will never cease. He was what I lived for, he made my life have meaning, starting with his phonecall each and every morning, until that very night we would fall asleep together on the phone.Our times together were the best times I will ever have in my lifetime. He made our days ethereal, beautiful, worth so much. He always knew how to let his glowing aura shine on to others.He was the only person in the world who truely knew me, though he may not have thought so. My days are now completely empty, and I am still waiting by the phone, hoping, and hoping, I'll wake up to hear his voice again.I love Ryan more than words could ever say, he was not only my boyfriend, he was my fiance, my companion, my best friend, my partner in body and soul. His soul is truely beautiful. I loved him more than life itself, and I know I would give my life in a heartbeat if it meant saving him. I would take his place. I know he would not want to hear this, but I truely cannot wait until the day him and I can once again be together in a place where we can be free from this curse of humanity. One can isolate themselves from all others, in hopes of avoiding pain, but in time there will always be the stinging hurt of lonliness to those. And instead, if one chooses to surround themselves with others, learn to love, there will also be the stinging hurt of others, loss, and heartbreak. That is the curse of humanity.My one meaning in life now, is to live for him. If I can't join him at this time, I will continue on for him. I will make sure It is Finished is appreciated throughout the years by anyone and everyone who will make it a point to themselves to want to listen. He wanted It is Finished to be an evolution, and heard. Even if only 3 people listened, he didn't care. It was his project, so precious to him, I am going to make sure he will always be remembered through his craftmenship of the beautiful wandering melodies that he created. His music is an outreach of his soul, beautiful and continously wandering, never ceasing. One of Ryan's dreams was to forever wander. He will now live that dream as his soul wanders through the hearts of so many through the music he has so composed and poured so much of himself into.He will always be with me, near me, and how it tears my heart to think that I will never be able to touch him, to kiss him, to hug him, to feel him in my arms one last time...I will always feel the comfort of knowing he is safe now, and near.Ryan, I know you can hear my thoughts now, as I've always wanted you to...but not like this. I will forever miss you, long for you, and desire everything that is you until the day I die. I know you don't want me to say this, but when that day comes, it will be the happiest day of my life, just as the times we spent together on this earth were the happiest of my life. When we do meet again, together we will wander, both through your music and beyond. Our souls will be one as we always wished it to be, and together we will fight that battle you always talked about, and we will be victorious, together. Forever. We will go everywhere, and do all that we've dreamed of doing. I will live for you and wait until the day you decide it is time to take me with you. I will always be for you, everything will. I will always love you more and more each day. You've taught me what love is. And I feel both the warmth and pain in my heart, and though the pain of this love may be unbearable, it does not over ride what is truely in my heart for you, and the happiness of all the times we shared.Itisfinished, yet it is not. I will forever long for the nights when we can at least be together in my dreams, even if I dread the mornings when you are no longer there.If I had the strength to continue I could write forever about my beautiful, amazing Ryan who will always be my light each morning when I awake to a dawn that is forever until the eternity passing, and I can dream of him in my slumber.My love for you Ryan, is ever lasting, as our love will be forever.