Spoon [Are You Ready?]

I'd like to meet:

leave me love me
tell me
show me
hold me

♥ My name is Kristin, but most people call me Spoon. I'm loud, and have no problems saying exactly what's on my mind, but you get used to it. This fall I'll be turning 17, and a senior at EWHS. I have the best little sister ever and a beautiful best friend named Jess. I love them both so much. I also have an incredible boyfriend, Scott. He is sooo out of my league. Right now he's getting ready for his first deployment, and I miss him. A lot. So I'm doing just about anything to keep myself busy...so yes, I made this layout, and yes, I drew the background.♥

I'm in the living room, I have to be christian!
-Jess

There will be no toucha toucha touching me at my funeral!!
-Spoon

Dads don't know it's not bacon!
-Spoon

Can you dance? : I'm white.
-Matt

Boys tend to get themselves into trouble....'cuz they're dumb.
-Haley's mom

Airsoft ninjas....the mythical beings thatleave those little plastic things all over your house.
-Spoon

Is it a dessert or something?
-Haley

Crazy daiper man.
-Haley

Ooh, you're soft!
-Haley

The fat anorexic lesbians need their chips.
-Spoon

It's between chimpanzees and my first kiss.
-Casey

KEELER WHALES!
-Casey

Carpet bunchers.
-Kate

What the HALE is she doing?
-Casey

Megan: Okay, European....water parks?
Spoon: You're a peein' at water parks!
Megan: You win.

Hi do you *sniff* can I *sniff* STOP DOING COKE!
-Jess

I made fun of my grandma's ass for nothing!
-Spoon

Spoon: What are we gonna do with the rest of the chocolate?
Haley: Well if you were sleeping over, you'd know!

Keep your butt away from the Cube!
-Haley

Can you take that out of your ass crack, please?
-Vickie

Moose puff is like when you smoke a moose.
-Beth

I'm bat at the fark.
-Spoon

Spoon: I'm gonna 'splode!
Beth: 'Splode over there!

Mom: Farts are funny.
Spoon: Hehehe....
Mom: Well they are!!

Cuz all your memories are in your poop.
-Beth

Scott: I'm gonna get a black cat and name it Vader.
Spoon: In that case, I'm gonna get a pit bull and name it Maul.
Dad: You can't name a pit bull Maul. That'd be like naming a Great Dane Baby Eater!
Spoon: Well yea, those will be my other two dogs - Baby Eater and Craps in the Backseat.

I think I'm crazy, give me an ice pack and a bandaid.
-Beth

Even my cats are gonna ninja kick your ass.
-Mom

Merrr*blub*
-Spoon

Scott: My preccioooussssssss. Now....get me a burrrrito! No....make that a ......taquito! Muahahahahahaha scurvey.
-Beth

Myspace. I wish it was real.
-Abby

That's the fastest poop I have ever seen.
-Spoon

Rob Zombie did a cover? Is it a rock version?
-Jess

Stay away from my fishies! Aww. You bastards.
-Scott

Bad Cujo!
-Beth

Bagel restaurant.
-Spoon

One-pronged fork
-Beth

Dad: Yea, I always run up streets and pull people out of their cars.
Spoon: I have the irresistable urge to collect fruit and jump on boxes.
Mom: I like to roll things up into giant balls.

Butt friction!
-Beth

All this shakin' in my bladder is like PEE!
-Spoon

Funny, this hamburger tastes just like daddy!
-Daddy

Drink your mustard and shut up!
-Daddy

Dad: I love David Hasslehoff, he's dreamy! I'm gonna marry him!
Brittney: Can I come to the wedding?
Dad: Only if you wear yogurt in your shorts. And not the cheap stuff either! Wear like, fruit on the bottom!

Dad you are one gangster white chick, I'll tell you what.
-Spoon

Everything is black but my date!
-Spoon

Batch: Narcolepsy...no, that's sleeping...what's the word?
Spoon: Necrophilia. And why'd you look at me!?

Nuh uh, sailors take it in the mouth!
-Spoon

They thought they were the Asianest of all.
-Batch

Moo moo kitty quack!
-Daddy

Mi boob casa es su boob casa.
-Spoon

We're the pedophiles here!
-Spoon

I save all my revealing outfits for the weekend.
-Batch

I prefer penis.
-Grandma Sue

When was the last time you were eating a potato and were like, 'Oh, a seed!' ??
-Phil

You can't name a kid Curly unless he has scoliosis!
-Haley

Matching is for sissies!
-Kristie

Pac doesn't lie.
-Artie

It's a friggin' clear box, what could be wrong with it?!
-Haley

A man has two hands, of course he does.
-Sascha

It's really dumb in here today.
-Haley

It's like boob pong.
-Spoon

Hand-boob coordination.
-Rob

You coulda did!
-Heather

Justin Wise is really hot, I'm the best senior friend he's got.
-Kim

It's not woo hoo nudity
-Batch

Mr. Batch and his topless teeth-brushing.
-Spoon

Am I hungry? For, yea, dogs and fudge.
-Batch

Ramen strippers?
-Spoon and Scott

I love you more than babies in a blender.
-Sara and Kayla

Can I have a PS2 where my uterus used to be? I'd use that more.
-Spoon

They weren't really snaaakes, they were cats!
-Haley

If I meet Kate, can I pet her cow?
-Spoon

They can't be bought, they have to be earned. I can be bought, though, but that's different.
-Lajoie

I can't hear you, I have something in my eye!
-Mrs. Dibble

No boo-boos!
-Spoon

My boobs are ready for battle!
-Spoon

Is there no good place for a chapstick in this bra?!
-Spoon

That'd be like me joining the army and getting stationed on Alderaan.
-Dad

If I open a window, can I love him just a little?
-Spoon

Let me confirm a casual singular rivet and pendulum your attentive scythe.
-Haley

If this is as bad as it gets than it's not gonna get much worse!
-Vickie

I love black people!!
-Gwen

I'm not a lesbian, Crystal, I'm just trying to get by.
-Haley

Contrapositive. We're practicing safe math!
-Spoon

Haley: If he's a redneck he shouldn't have written anything!!
Ashley: True dat.

Daddy says put your arms up!!
-Gabriel

I want to go disect my cat.
-Heather

The past is an important part of history.
-Laura

You went there. Oh. You went there, Kristin.
-Batch

Lajoie: Are we adults?? If you're an adult, you can have an adult conversation!
Spoon: ...about Pokemon?

I was talking to myself. It keeps the voices quiet. They speak spanish!
-Haley

Now I feel stupid.
-Ashley

Stop talkin' bout my mama.
-Batch

Batch: Don't follow dumb people.
Steph: Alicia I can't follow you no more.
Alicia: Follow me where?

Spoon: When and where?
Spellman: ...THE GATES OF HELL!
Spoon: Right, so, my house it is.

Haley: You're such a liar!
Keith: I am!

Spoon: Eric just gave birth to quintuplets on my lawn.
Eric: He was in labor for two seconds!

I look like a Native American princess.
-Eric

I just wanna get in your pants. No, by wearing them!
-Eric

I keep saying bye and you just keep talking to me!!
-Eric

My husband is the King-Supreme-Emperor of the Navy.
-Nina

Piss on my shoe, ask me out, then dump me.
-Jess

Would you mind sharing that with me, Grabon?
-Wilhelm

Marriage is... a great way to save on car insurance and a lot easier than mowing my own lawn.
-Jessie

I shower in my bathing suit. Just because of people like you.
-Eric

Yay boobies!
-Beth

Roses are red, violets are blue, I wouldn't take a shit, on anyone but you.
-Abby

Everytime I see a kid with those Heely's on I wanna throw a pencil through their foot. NOT SO GREAT NOW, ARE THEY?!
-Daddy

I don't like kissing him. I get stuck in his face.
-Eric

There's a tranny on All My Children that reminds me of Scott.
-Jess

You sound like a nasally black woman.
-Jess

Am I linty?
-Spoon

Those would be dust bunnies.
-Spoon

I make it rain on them hoes.
-AbbyI licked hummus off your wall.
-Abby

Who dat?
-Abby

This isn't Batchulism.
-Batch

I can be very lame.
-Batch

Get your brain off my desk!
-Jillian

I bet you think about me when you sleep. Is there anything else I should know?
-Justin

Congratulations, you just grew a penis.
-Spoon

You dudes, I just paper-cutted my finger!!
-Spoon

Spoon: *belch*
Mom: Bathroom's that way.

Beth: What's so funny?
Spoon: I gotta pee.

Gee, I make noise when I fall out of bed too, it's called THUD.
-Beth

Beth: This is why I love being a girl.
Spoon: *belch*
Mom: Did you ever pee?

But usually someone doesnt bleed the amount of a toilet bowl in one sitting.
-Jess

Spoon: I love you times a billion! Best friend? I really do think so.
Jess: WTF randoooommm
Spoon: NUH UH I HAVE PMS!
Jess: Oh, then nevermind. No it's not.

It's rude to use poultry.
-Ally

Who needs a watch dog when you can have Watch Kitty Marbles?
-Cheryl

Do I look like a ball guager to you?
-Spoon

I was not the bitch.
-Scott

Spoon: I want Oreos.
Zach: They want you too.

Kayla: I have a halo held up by horns.
Spoon: I lost mine...I think it's under that blanket over there. Wanna come look for it with me?

You could call him Bulgy. Although....yeeeeeeee no.
-Jess

I totally Tawny Kitaened on Jess' bed and you weren't looking!
-Spoon

And you'll have to convince your parents that my parents aren't devil people.
-Zachy

Kitty, get your foot out of the frying pan.
-Beth

Cuz if I wiggled my butt at you, it'd be weird.
-Spoon

Your mom will be like "Why are you going with him again? Are you cheating on Scott with Eric?" "Hell no mom!"
-Eric

Spoon: And we can do that slow motion run into eachothers arms, then spin around in a field of dandelions!
Jess: Yes, in the middle of winter.

My ex-idunnowtfiwasthinking
-Scott

Beth: And it plays songs and these light up and the toilet opens...
Mom: Did you make fake Barbie turds?
Beth: Nah, I di....did I WHAT?!
Mom: Little Barbie turds!!

He's a social retard!
-Amber

But for shopping, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
-Spoon

Multi-wool?
-Jordyn

Sascha: This desk is sticky.
Batch: What did you do?

This hand hasn't done anything all vacation!! ...oh. Ha!
-Spoon

It smells like ear pencil.
-Michelle

Next time you stay up all night, don't eat muffins.
-Batchular

Why would you name your dog Seaman?
-Spoon

Spoon: Well, I got this funny looking thing, and you got this funny looking thing...
Laura: Let's put 'em together!!

Perhaps a fanny pack?
-Batch

Aerobic pizza cutting!!
-Spoon

Do you got the gold statue?!
-CJ

BONDAGE LLAMA!
-Spoon

Congratulations, I hate you.
-Paco

Stupid, under-achieving whale.
-Spoon

I'm sure he would be happy, except he's dead.
-Batch

I wouldn't know anything about that. Okay, I would, but I'd never admit to it!
-Chris

Andrew: What was the point of that movie, to see how perverted little French kids are??
Mme Niemann: Yea.

Mrs. McCluskey: Where is that baby going?
Ed: Hell.

Batch: 'Cuz you thought he said 'buttcrackers'?
Brittany: You might wanna pronunciate.

He's probably doing the limbo under a celery stick!
-Jessie

Alicia: Killer whales don't hurt nobody, do they?
Spencer: No they just pet you.

Keith: How you gonna swim with one leg? How'd he get away?
Batch: He just hopped onto the boat.
Keith: ....he HOPPED onto the boat?
Batch: Literally, with one leg.

Cookie hustling demon boy scout spawn.
-Spoon

She called me a smackhole! I don't even know what that means!!
-Sam

You're gonna kill it anyway.
-Sue (Dave's mom)

WWSD?
-Dad

Spoon: Would not!
Dad: Would too!
Spoon: No, I wouldn't.
Dad: Yes, you would!
Spoon: DAD! There is NO WAY I'm going to fit in that dryer!!

You mean my pants' moose's face's mom?
-Spoon

You have Moby-Dick skills.
-Haley

Haley, can you stab me in the this way area?
-Spoon

Daddy, I wanna go to Flo-ree-da!
-Mrs. Lajoie

Oh GAWD! The rum really is gone! I feel like I should cry or something....moment of silence...
-Spoon

If you were standing out in the open, he'd pick you up, and throw you away.
-Spencer

Mr. Anderson, how can you steal something INTO the library?
-Spencer

Morgan: You ate babies!
Spoon: You ate them first!!

I make babies in my OOH!
-Spoon

Jess: Are you okay?
Spoon: Yea, fine, why?
Jess: You're like dying of laughter.
Spoon: I'm just trying to figure out where to find fucking vegan cheeses!!

How could turkey make it beefy?
-Spoon

Scott: Oh my gawd shoes.
Spoon: I'm buying another pair of shoes...
Scott: Oh god.
Spoon: I'm getting a new pair for Disney.
Scott: For walking?
Spoon: ....
Scott: I can't believe I just asked that.

My house is Vegas, bitch!
-Jess

HAHAHA. BITCH! It's funny! Cuz she's a dog!
-Spoon

I'm as sober as a three-legged reindeer!
- Spoon

I'll show you after I figure out where the penis is.
-Jess

STOP HUMPING MY BED!
-Jess

Larry: You eat utensils?
Spoon: ...yes.

I forgot how to drink!
-Spoon

I could be having a seizure and I'd never know it!!
-Spoon

Jess: I'm too tired!
Spoon: I have a headache!
Jess: How come we never talk anymore?

She should practice with popsicles.
-Kupkake

You kicked me in the nuts!
-Gwen

Spoon: We're all just lesbians.
Scott: Hey!
Spoon: Do you like girls?!
Scott: Yes!
Spoon: Then you're a flippin' lesbian!

The kupkake eats the spoon?
-Scott

She likes womanuals.
-Spoon

Larry, you're my new boyfriend!
-Spoon

I don't know! Lucy, lick your face and make everything better!
-Spoon

I choose option number B.
-Scott

Don't feel up Larry.
-Spoon

OH MY GOD NIGGER PUPPY!
-Jess

EEK! STRAIGHT CUM!
-Morgan

Haha, now I get the bed!
-Spoon

That's my chapstick - It MUST be my bed!
-Spoon

Spoon: It sounds like a teapot.
Jess: It IS a teapot.
Spoon: And it excites him in so many ways.

AVAST AVAST ASSHOLE!
-Spoon

Spoon: I think I'm a clone nowwww
Drew: There's always two of me just a hangin' around!
Spoon: Drew!
Drew: Weird Al?
Spoon: I love you!!!

Why am I watching you pee?
-Spoon

I LOVE THIS LUMP!
-Spoon

It's poking me in the face!
-Spoon

WHAT?!
-Tre

Serving minors, what the HELL?
-Spoon

You forgot the words....to happy birthday?
-Vickie

Vickie and Spoon: You would cry toooo if it happened to youuuuu!
Tre: Do you see what I have to live with?

Matt: Fucking Spoon!
Spoon: We're WHAT?!
Scott: Mine!

Is your soul applesauce, Keith? That'd be a tasty soul.
-Batch

Six foot four and a stormtrooper - that's all I want in a man.
-Spoon

Keith: I love Hitler.
Batch: Is that the applesauce talking?

You call that a seizure? Seize like you mean it!!
-Spoon

It's a dolphagon.
-Spencer

Sascha: What's that?
Spoon: Myyyyy bra?
Sascha: Ooooooh.

Kim: Artie got me a shot glass for Christmas!
Her Mom: Good, now you can stop drinking out of the bottle!

He's not retarded, he's Asian.
-Spoon

We can do the Hokey Pokey!
-Spoon

I was sliding my cha-cha! I mean....aw DAMN! Why do I always have to say this crap?
-Spoon

No, she shops at MUH-SHEELS, don't you know anything, mom?
-Spoon

Why do chupacabras only terrorize Mexicans?
-Claire

But I'm not pointing any fingers, David.
-Mrs. Scott's Mom!
Haha! You can't give me a wedgie!
-Spoon

Like we're lesbians!
-Gwen

I wish you could sleep with Scotty.
-Gwen

The pants of my past.
-Eric

Damn whities. Always bringing down the black man.
-Chris

Spoon: I love how we're all making bets on when I'm gonna cry.
Jess: Well I need money!!

Spoon: Aww Scotty isn't that cute?
Scott: Yea, that's pretty cute.
Spoon: HAHAHA! DADDY! SCOTTY SAYS YOU'RE CUTE!
Daddy: I think he's been in the Navy a little too long.

BEEP MOTHER FUCKER!
-Zachary

Spoon: But if you two kiss I'm gonna have to get naked just to keep his attention.
Morgan: Hahaha I think I just pee'd myself.
Spoon: They have medications for that.

And you have to stick your legs in the air like you're having the baby from Hell.
-Spoon

How come all you ever do is look at my nickels?
-Spoon

My spit is yellow and green; you want to see?
-Sascha

Jake: Oily cow sex...
Batchular: Is electric.

You could like....huff kittens and die.
-Batch

Spoon: I hope you get my boobs.
Beth: I hope you get my butt.

Meg: It's so hard to find non-slutty, school appropriate clothes.
Batch: I don't have that problem.
Spoon: That's cuz men haven't been sexualized like we have!
Batch: Or maybe YOU haven't been sexualized like WE have.

Daaaad, why are we going through puberty at the same time?
-My future Asian son

Can we open the window? It's not snowing in here.
-Keith

I didn't get him Daddy Yonker.
-Lajoie

It's easier if you cheat.
-Sascha

Just hold on while I finish the anal.
-Lajoie

Chris - one eye or two?
-Lajoie

We're talking about Juanita, not your lumps!!
-Beth

He was a big baby!! Big deal your ball sack got cut open, I gave birth to three kids!!
-Tracy

Your eyepatch looks like a pointy boob.
-Brittney

I don't want a self-inflicted hickey!
-Brittney

I have a Hot Pocket fetish.
-Scott

Here's hoping I nail my interview tomorow without having to nail my interviewer.
-Spoon

That's not fair!!
-Brittney and Jess

Today one of your fellow students commited a cowardly act. They let off a stink bomb to express their sadness at their academic failure and their inability to communicate. Then they ran away like a coward. No one should have the right to interrupt your education like that. This is what I like to call educational terrorism.
-My new principal

You're so blonde - I love it! 'Sow, sew, tomato potato'.
-Ashley

Me: That's a very nice penis.
John: Thank you.

I think you just disemboweled me with your finger.
-Spoon

'Cuz you want to see me and Mr. Batch naked dancing.
-Mr Masters

I'm ALWAYS en retard!!
-Kyle

And I STILL HAVE MY TONSILS!!
-Spoon

This is a two Tic-Tac moment.
-Auntie Laurie

Sascha, don't touch people.
-Mme Niemann

It's not a joke about nipple pinching!!
-Brittany

HA! Sheep this!
-The Navajo Indians

If I was a cowboy, I'd have mad hoes. Er. Cowgirls. Cowhoes.
-Jake

His roommate's the biggest fag this side of Richard Simmons.
-Spoon

We're remedial Pictionary players.
-Grandma Sue

This is what dating is all about - holding hands and looking weird.
-Spoon

You're scoopid.
-Beth

Spoon: Spotato?
Beth: Excuse me while I go DIE.
Spoon: Spot dog! Spot...spotologist!
Beth: KRISTIN! SHUT UP!
Spoon: ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT SPOTATO?!

Your mommy's a butt-whacker.
-Grandpa Vic

I may not have a ghetto booty, but I shake it like I do.
-Spoon

Word.
-Mr. Batch

For all I know, I gave the tree AIDs.
-Spoon

I can feel the stress of my breast.
-Kenny

I'd slap myself.
-Jamal

That is a NICE split end - can I have it?
-Spencer

Telicia: You know, Shamika!!
Alicia: The black girl?

Alicia: She blonde?
Batch: Brunette.
Alicia: Then she good. Blondes are sluts.
Keith: Girls with black hair are witches.
Alicia: Ay, shut up! Girls with black hair say HEYYYY!
Girls: Heeey!
Haley: What about red-heads?
Alicia: They firey!
Haley: And what if they have no hair?
Alicia: Then they bald!

No, I wanna live with David Hasselhoff.
-Sascha

That plus sign stands for cattle sex.
-Mr Batch

I'd make a GREAT retard.
-Amanda

My grandmother refuses to take provocative photos of me! You lucky bastard!
-Abby

Aww, gee golly gosh, Spoon! I love you too! You make me feel swell!
-Bobby

The dog's gonna go crap on her focal point.
-Spoon

I can't type. And I like it.
-Spoon

WOO! LOOK AT MY BOX! IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING, BUT IT SURE IS NICE!
-Spoon

OKAY. I GET IT. YOU ARE CLEARLY WALKING ON SUNSHINE.
-Abby

I definately just saw sweet nipple!
-Abby

ACK YOU GET GENITALS ON YOUR FACE?!
-Kenny

Did you just say male tampons cause problems?
-Daddy

I just found out - I'm officially black!
-Some white kid from Ellington

Jess: I expected you to be all like...aww...*emo*, but no!
Spoon: Sorry!! Here! NO JESS! PLEASE BABY! DON'T DO THIS TO ME! Oh god...I hate myself!! It's all my fault! ....better?
Jess: Yes.

If it's one thing my mom taught me - never mess with an angry Spoon.
-Jess

You make peanut butter look sane!!
-Beth

But not the good kinda naked.
-Brittney

Cuz I'm a Jew and don't like spending money.
-Jess

If you date her, I'll disown you.
-Rich

Keith, can you stop touching yourself, please?
-Mr Batch

Oh, Lilli, feast up on my succulent nipple!
-I don't know his name, so I'm naming him Roy.

Screw you, Paco.
-Sra Thomas

I just pissed in my pants, and there's nothing you can do about it!
-Tom

I'm really jealous of you. I wish I could have a friend like me!
-Bobby

Then it hit me like a bus load of Mexicans.
-Spoon

If a lightsaber looked like that, I don't think I'd mind getting cut in half.
-Spoon

"Tara, you are such a sexual predator."
-Kat

"OH I have to remember that, cuz I love making fun of other people's stupidity.."
-Amber

"I'm gonna rape you tomorow "
-Abby

"I'll kill you as soon as I finish my Froot Loops"
- Spoon

" Dad Gap...sounds like the place to buy pants that come up to your nipples.."
- My MOM

"Mmm microwave burrito."
-Jake

Amber : OK I'm a loser tell me something I didn't know
Spoon : Two plus two equals four.

"But you'll find the right girl or guy someday. But try for a guy cuz you can't marry a girl...that and the sex is waaaaaay better. "
-Amber

"Wait, is that a sqaure?"
-Kaity

"Is ham fattening?"
-Ashley

"I know it's hard, but it needs to be longer."
-Spoon

Suck my wenis, you ho bag.
-David

ALL HAIL THE CLITORIS TREE!!
-Abby and Spoon

But what is your crotch doing on my roof?
-Spoon

I think I just called you Rittney.
-Bill

Take my children onto your land, bravo, tango, one four, we got bogeys at 1 o'clock, they have forsaken me, FIRE!
-Jesus

"Can I lick your eyeball?"
-Claire

"BALLS okay I said it!"
-Bethany

"No one told me it was a butt-doughnut!"
-Mom again

"If I was a butcher and someone touched my cheese, I'd fuck 'em up!"
-Tara

"Why would you kill the old man over something so pitiful as a stupid eyeball?"
-Zachary
"Alright, caution tape!!"
-Chris

"My right foot is my left foot?!"
-Chris

"Are you having trouble drooling and speaking at the same time??"
-HINCH!

"I just turn around and I hear this Oprah shit.."
-Adam

"I couldn't get you out of my head with a crowbar..."
-Zac

"Every time I walk down the halls, the walls smile at me and the floors glow beneath my feet."
-Ryan

"And after Doctor Phil does his show he calls Oprah and he's like 'Master, I did my show, do I get a cookie?' and she's like 'Nooooo you don't get a cookie!' cuz she's actually the Devil."
-Rich

"Miss Mary Mac Mac MAH!''
-Rich

"I wonder if it's about llamas?''
-Bethany

"Hey, Dark Lord!"
-Scoop

"The Fellowship of the Crack!"
-Rich

"Yea, let me just get my shanking pen"
-DJ

"I don't want my girl to be all diseased"
-Evan

"Like Tigger with a w"
-Tom

"Tom for President of the Cheese Its!"
-Bethany

"Cheese Its need to die."
-Tom

"I love how you just molested my book, but I could stab you."
-Bhan

"Hey you littered!"
-Lisa

"You know I like it ringing up my ass!"
-Amber

"I went on a shopping spree at the dollar store."
-Amber

"She just doesn't like the smell of good."
-Zachary
"I don't have to poo!"
-Brock

"Brock, will you go to homecoming with me?"
-Joe

"I'm a hardcore gangster soldier"
-Ms. O'REILLY!

"Whooa, these stickers are like..... 21 cents"
-The guy at Shaw's

"There's a Big Wheel on the bike rack!!!??"
-Spoon

"'Cuz boys are too stupid enough to know that. "
-Amber

"No, you'll make me blow up!"
-Hilary

"One of these days you'll hug me. Course, you'll probably have had the sex change by then."
-Spoon

"Like you would know, you transgender drunk."
-Bobbeh

"Um, no. We don't negotiate with terrorists."
-Ellen

"Like STD with an 'i'?"
-Dave

"And stiff says apoon!"
-Bethany

"No, I watch Buffy, I could kill you!"
-Tara

"I own all the spoons!"
-Scott
"Now we can be 'hit with a base ball bat in the back of the knee ' buddies"
-Chris

"Gosh, you ruined the Jew Bagel Theory."
-Tia

"Excuse my complete suckage at life."
-Dave

"Cuz they have that whole 'hey i have a penis' bondey thing."
-Spoon

"Anal? ONE WAY STREET!"
-Scott

"At least I was the man!"
-Bobby

"Something about girls. I eat those."
-Zachary

"Chris plays with mouse balls!"
-Yours truly
"Oopsy."
-Zach

"I don't like Hitler."
-Bhan

"I'm going to go sit in the corner and think about what I've just said."
-Eric

"Things that would make people gag, I'd eat normally."
-Bobby

"Oh crap! I don't know anything!"
-Fajita

"I love it when my stomach growls. I growl back."
-Brian

"Oh my god, I've never seen this quarter before!"
-Sarah

"When it's fog, are the clouds- are they low?"
-Jordan

"Best friends don't kill eachother."
-Mrs. Cirillo

"A day without Chris Rago is like a day without the sun."
-Lola

"Because Amy is my name, Ass isn't!"
-My mom

"I love to mow the lawn."
-Manda

"They're like peanut butter and gravy!"
-Brittney

"I've got coopies!!"
-Abby

"Aww, so cute! I want one!! Wait....no."
-Spoon

"Be like 'Nothing, I'm peeing!'"
-Siobhan

"Move the poof!"
-Shannon

"What's wrong with Lil Jon? Well, now it's Elvis so take that!"
-Spoon

Amber : You told me you liked diet pepsi, not diet coke.
Spoon: I like both, but I like diet coke better,
Amber : Well you said you liked diet pepsi.
Spoon : Well then I lied.
Amber : Well you lying sack of shit.

"See what I can do? I can work wonders."
-Amber

"OH there's ducks in here!"
-Amber

"Outside the.....the.....door!!"
-Amberamberamber!

"Stupid uterus..."
-Spoon

"You're gonna put that in your profile, aren't you. "
-Zacharryyyyy

"Give him your virgin...........ity."
-Zach

"If a sheep were a predator..."
-My biology packet, lmao.

"You show so much skill, but no performance."
-Mrs. Cirillo

"Can I punch you in the crotch?"
-Zachary

"What do insectivores eat??"
-Zachness

"I know, but little kids like bandaids."
-Amber

"To correct myself, cheer up e-word kid!"
-Brittney

"I'm gonna go on killing spree as soon as I finish painting my unicorn."
-Morgan

"OH MY GOD HAND ORGASM!"
-Uncle Dave

"The inner depths of my freakish soul....thingy"
-Spoon

"OOPS! Who did I booty-bump?"
-Austin

"I like 'em when they're small."
-Sarah

"Are you guys virgins? I think you are, 'cuz you play Counter Strike."
-Shelley

"You killed my shoulder-I hate you!"
-Mike

"Well, now you can be Mrs. Luckypants!"
-Brittney

"Technically, my poker could lead to your poker."
-Me

"Mmm, fetus."
-Zachness

Stupid Sex Ed Movie : And then a penis appears.
Me : Unless you're Zach.

Spoon: Everyone dies EVENTUALLY!
Amber : Not me! I'm special!!

"Yea, my parents are always like 'Hey, why don't you have Dave sleep over? Make sure he brings his penis!' PSH!"
-Spoon

"If you get her naked and I'm not her and you don't show me the vid or picture I will kill you, and then I will kill her, and then I'll kill myself. And then, when we're all there in Hell I will nail a big peice of wood over your eyes."
-Sam

"Aren't we all guilty of humping some poor, unexpecting, inanimate object?!"
-Spoon

"Note to self : Don't get eaten."
-Mi madre

"You eat my sausage and I'll smoke yours. *wink*"
-Dave

"I love how you ask for a napkin and they give you four-hundred and a fork."
-Claire

"I was doing Celine Dion last night."
-Spoon

"CRACK IS WHITE AND LOOKS LIKE SALT, not JIZZ!"
-Amber

"What the hell is wrong with you?! IT'S SOUP!!!"
-Dave

"I can never make my head to get noises."
-Spoon

"Dude, what's his obsession with old lady boobs?"
-Amanda

"Nice ripping."
-Zachary

"The face is not to be used again."
-Christopher

"I got in your pants. "
-Zachary

Chris : I'm trying to get in your pants.
Me : But.....I'm not wearing pants!

Rob : Did I fail?
Mr. Duffy : Unfortunately, no.
Rob : Fuck! Oh wait, that's good!

"Triste, not cheese steak!"
-Amber

Amber : He's like, wicked hot. But he has a girlfriend.
Spoon : Most hot guys have equally hot girlfriends.
Amber : Haha, shut up.
Spoon : I mean, look at Scott. His girlfriend is WICKED hot!
Amber : Haha, yea she is!
Spoon : I'd bang her.
Amber : You do every night!

"I like people who hurt people that hurt people I like."
-Spoon

"I feel like idiot."
-Scott

"I love how Spoon has balls even though she's a girl."
-Dave

"We should go to bed. I mean...aw crap."
-The love of my life
My ketchup's so good you're gonna eat it everyday!
-Bartus

I don't want syphalitis!!
-Trich

Gonasyphaherpaidsamydia.
-Amber and Spoon

Scott: Can I use the pass?
Teacher: Why? Scott: I have to masturbate..I mean...aw damnit.
-Dave

I found a hidden talent. I can flip through a hundred channels in three seconds.
-Andrew

It's the rich people's dollar store.
-Spoon

Mr Duffy: It's was the Heimlich Maneuver!!
Bobby: ....they were NAKED!

Have you ever accidentally licked a chalkboard?
-John

I broke up with myself over the internet.
-Spoon

I HEART COCKTAIL WEENIE!!
-Spoon

You know what would be hilarious? If the cat came from like Japan or something, and it takes offense to being called China. You would never know of course cuz you cant understand cat.
-Matt

She REEKS of field hockey. That slut.
-Spoon

Lesbian vampire zombie pirate ninjas in kitty suits!!
-Claire and Spoon

Mom, where do the pedophiles?
-Erin

I'm gonna get a head bang.
-Spoon

I'm still in my mom.
-Brittney

"IT HURTS LIKE A MOTHER FUDGEPOPPER!!!"
-Scott

"Me, you, abby, and morgan are touch buddies."
-Brittney

"Yes, I'll have a large coffee with extra sex, thanks."
-Spoon

"SEX FOAM!"
-Abby

"The guy I like has a girlfriend too. But I'm not too too upset, she IS pretty hot."
-Spoon

"I actually corralled this spider earlier- it hates white paper, watch!"
-Mr. Ellis

"You probably just wanted to watch all the sluts in bikinis eat like pig scrotum"
-Spoon

MAY I TASTE YOUR TONSILS PLEASE? Would you have that with red or white wine?
-Spoon

How much crack did you put in your wheaties this morning?
-The Naboo Crew

I use the term 'made out' loosely. It was more like 'was slobbered upon'.
-Spoon

Not even Fall Out Boy likes Fall Out Boy.
-Spoon

Maybe your vagina is broken.
-Brittney

Holy SHIT! I'm a vibrator!!
-Spoon

I'm gonna go punch Ryan in the head.
-Gweni

ecks dee less than three thousand three hundred thirty three
-Dave

Okay, if God exists, who would win in a fight, me or him?
-Kelly

Kelly: You know how I know I'm God?
Spoon: 'Cuz that's what it says on the elastic of your underwear?

Biting hurt is a hurt that people who like biting like.
-Brittney

My hair is longer than yours. And that's weird.
-Brittney

Then we can play Spin-The-Baby!!
-Spoon

I think I subconsciously influenced the lack of pants.
-Kelly

It's like watching a thinner, older, Jewish me.
-Spoon

Always be wary of someone who brings a spoon to a knife fight. That means they're either crazy or really good at killing people with spoons, both of which you usually want to avoid.
-John Gephart

I ate salad with a spoon once.
-Jess

If you like dykish girls, then why are you gay?
-Jess

I'm scared. He's all sweaty and chanting.
-Spoon

Vickie: Yeah and then for the rest of my life people would remember my breasts instead of my vows.
Spoon: You do have very memorable breasts.

Are you planning on taking MY daughter out to play putt putt golf, young man??
-Zach

Jess: You're a douche.
Spoon: But not one you can buy at the dollar store!!

Word, my milkshake really does bring all the boys to the yard.
-Matt

I'm secretly a mother of 5. And they're all twins.
-Lea

Pool's closed! Enjoy your AIDS!
-Jordan

Deer, deer, MOOSE!
-Manda and Brittney

I had to punch my grandma in the chest to get her off me!
-Zach (or Dane Cook, whichever way you wanna look at it)

WELCOME TO THE PLANE!
-Brittney, Bill, Zach, Little Zach, Haley, and Spoon

It should be called a spointy, not a spork.
-Spoon

You're a swenious.
-Derek

I didn't ask for much, I just asked you to take off your pants so I can try them on!
-The kid from my ex-math class

I'll be my own lab rat.
-Corey's brother

I think that's the best piss I've taken all day.
-Jodie

You can fire a gun but you can't kill a spider??
-My Daddy

My boyfriend is my anti-drug.
-Mr Mazzone

I'm a unimoose!
-Spoon and Beth

I before E, except in Keith!!
-Keith

Oh my gosh, fucking Nazis!
-Sascha

The KKK? Seriously. Who would join a group that made you dress like that!
-Tom

Don't shank daddy!
-Ray and Spoon

Tom: You're in my seat.
Spoon: You can sit on me if you like!!

If they made an emo Lord of the Rings, you'd be Ar-wahhh!
-Spoon

Oh no! Not the butt stud!!
-Spoon

Sith penis.
-Spoon

Timmy get AIDS from a hooker- Go back 7 spaces.
-Our game in Parenting

I'M THE ENERGIZER BUNNY!
-That freak from homecoming at Fermi :)

Daddy: I'm full.
Mom: I see your 'full' and raise you a 'I'm gonna puke'
Daddy: I raise you a 'I just crapped my pants'.
Mom: I fold.
Spoon: I fold.
Daddy: I win!

Brittney: I spilled milk on me!
Spoon: Don't cry over spilled milk!
Zach: Hey! It's her party and she'll cry if she wants to!

Spoon: Brett, I had a dream about you last night. You were a fireman.
Brett: Was I putting out a fire?
Spoon: No, you were just a fireman.
Brett: Why am I a fireman?
Kat: 'Cuz you're smokin' hot!
Spoon: And you know how to handle a house.

Josh: You just made that up!
Ellen: Yes I did!

Douche knocker.
-Abby

I hate that broad.
-Tre

Dad: Broad. As in woman.
Mom: Ahem?
Dad: Sorry, as in dame.
Mom: Excuse you!
Me: Broad. As in your hips.

SPOON! Do you mean to tell me you and Scotty do the BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!?

-Nikki

Like vagina muscles or something.
-Beth

Maybe you can get like a low-suction nose vacuum.
-Amber

Amber : I wouldn't want them to just stuff me in the oven.
Spoon : Well what if they ate you raw?
Amber: Well then they'd get like food poisoning.

Spoon: Oh yea? Well you're mom's amish!
Beth: I thought she was Catholic?

If I had mad cow disease, I wouldn't hate lesbian porn, I'd think I WAS lesbian porn!!
-Spoon

It looks like a watermelon with an infection.
-Beth

I just threw away the baby Jesus! I'm going to hell.
-Spoon

But I dun wanna lose my figure!!
-Jess

"I'll fight any mofo who disagrees, unless you're bigger than me, or a dude; in which case, um, Scotty will fight you!"
-Drew

"Who jacked off my folder?"
-Ms. O'Reilly

"She looks like I hate her."
-Spoon

"HI IM SPOON AND I LIKE MY BOYFRIEND SCOTT WHO IS MY BOYFRIEND DID YOU KNOW THAT WE'RE DATING?!"
-Claire

"He's a pacifist - he has to take it in the ass."
-Claire

"If she kept trying to be near me, I'd probably call Terminix."
-Spoon

"His knobs look like pies!"
-Claire

"I'm like Ghandi only cooler."
-Spoon

"Spoon is like Jesus, except she has boobs."
-Abby

Hilary: It means to HAVE SEX!
John: Yea, you'd know all about that.
Adam: Yea, but you wouldn't.
John: Well, that's why I asked.

"I'm physically incapable of saying 'Bill' without 'Washburn'"
-Spoon

"So yes. But no."
-Bill Washburn (loves Brittney)

"All they have to do is stick out their chest and people pay attention to them. If I do it, I look like a fucking retard."
-Matt

"Arr, Shakira me timbers!"
-Spoon

"If I'm in special classes, it's you!"
-Bethany

"Sharting is for over-acheivers."
-Abby

"Are cats exotic? What if it ate a pineapple once?"
-Matt

"But the baby will be the biggest badass this side of Sesame Street."
-Spoon

"Dave damn it.."
-Scott

"Just put a bag over your head or something."
-Spoon

"They poke stuff and it hurts and then they got that nasty toothpaste and my dentist is weird lookin'. Like, if he turned out to be a serial killer, I wouldn't be surprised. "
-Matt

"As if I wasn't self-conscious already, now I'm worried that my penis might be too small..."
-Spoon

"I can't get my hair to do that flippy thing."
-Scott

"Whenever I see a guy ride a motorcycle by my street and he's wearing a helmet, I imagine his head exploding into popcorn."
- pete nute (I have NO idea who that is, but that made me laugh so hard, so I stole it from Bill Washburn's quote section. He's copying me anyway, so I can.)

"That's another thing I like about Bill - He has hygeine!"
-Brittney

"We're defective."
-Spoon

"Gross, you smell clean!"
-Eric

"Do you like Cake: Typically, yes, like a fat kid loves....oh wait..."
-Spoon

"But don't think the tongue isn't coming back. Because it probably is."
-Brittney

"Jesus Christ! That's really immature!"
-Claire

" 'Lets talk about whats gonna happen when we make out!'
'Why don't we just do it?'
'No I wanna talk about it! Can't you understand my needs?' "
-Brittney

"My pajamas have ice creams on them and they are hardcore!"
-Bethany

"Hey, Brittney! Remember your morals!"
-Brittney

"All boobs are pretty."
-Spoon

"You're like my idol when it comes to confusion."
-Brittney

"I am a great ninja."
-Scott

"And you kind of sound like a business woman on the phone."
-Brittney

"God, if somebody jumped on me like that, they'd break my pelvis."
-Amber

"I got punched with a 400 dollar ring."