Gregor Samsa; I'd feed him properly, take him for walks (on a leash) and play music to him. Perhaps I'd have a mini suit and hat tailor-made for him so he could go back to work.
THE SMITHS
MORRISSEY
PATRICK WOLF
PSAPP
THE CURE
SCHUBERT
PARIS MOTEL
BELLE AND SEBASTIAN
ELGAR
DEGURUECHIENIE
RACHMANINOFF
CHERUBS
PROKOFIEV
NEIL'S CHILDREN
Barry Lyndon
The West Wing
Monty Python
Ian Hislop
Stephen Daedalus
Morrissey
Orson Welles
Bertrand Russell