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Brenna

I am here for Friends

About Me

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"Fast and slow alternating hard and soft pressing and receiving seeking and being sought.
Loved and being loved."
-A Million Little Pieces

I'm Brenna.
I love my life and I think too much.

"Everybody here is living life in fear
of falling out of line.
Tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hearts
just to pass the time.
And the eyes get red in the back of your head,
this place will make you blind.
Put it all behind me and I'll
be just fine."

My Interests

"Just please, don't keep me guessing.
Just please, don't leave me waiting."

"Yeah we're all too busy working, entertaining ourselves.
40 hours, television, and prescription pills.
Well I take two a day, to make my brain behave...
it never does, but who's to say?
At least my doctor gets paid.
Well that is fine, yeah come on by,
we'll take the afternoon off.
We can kiss and undress and if you want just talk.
'Cause I've got nothing real, just empty space to fill...
imagine all the time we could kill."

"But we'll ignore the general warning
And keep going til we feel nothing
With anything to keep us high,
Anything to watch thoughts die
Cause no one cares about the end result
When it's the only way to get by
."
-Paul

helping those who need it most.
making a difference.
changing a life for the better.
loving.
laughing.
living.
writing.
art.
poetry.
reading.
falling in love.
humanity.
vegetarianism.
perfection.
nature.
everything that makes life beautiful.
kindness & understanding.
trying.
failure.
Unirondack.
everyone from camp & cons, they are the shit.
peace.
unforgettable memories.
holding onto these memories and replaying them over and over in my mind.
Unitarianism.
happiness.
dancing.
thift store shopping =].
music.
rainbows.
sunrises.
stars.
boys with nice eyes.
smiles.
cuddling.
kissing.
breathing in someone's scent.
never regretting anything.
making mistakes and learning from them.
making mistakes and NOT learning from them.
both hating and loving change.
breaking stereotypes.
pain.
trying to give up the past.
friends who are there when you need them the most.
holding on.
letting go.
losing control.
remaining in control.
thinness to the point of sickness.
skin stretched over bone.
psychology.
photography.
colors.
DRUGS & getting fucked up!
fucking chain smoking.
coffee and cigarettes every morning.
trying to figure out everything and everyone.
people who understand what's important in life.
people who are beautiful WITHOUT pounds of make-up.
loving the imperfections of others but hating my own.
analyzing.
not caring.
caring with all my heart.
rejection.
boys who care about more than sex.
getting hurt and getting back up.
meeting people i'll never forget.

"God is something people use to avoid reality. Faith allows people to reject what is right in front of our eyes, which is that this thing, this life, this existence, this consciousness, or whatever word you want to use for it, is all we have, and all we'll ever have. People have faith because they want and need to believe in something, whatever that something is, because life can be hard and depressing and brutal if you don't."

I'd like to meet:

"And from the sidelines,
I see you run.
Until you're out of breath.
And all those white lines,
that sped us up
.
We hurry to our death...
Well I lagged behind.
So you got ahead."
[R.I.P. Justin.]

"What I really need, what I'm really looking for, is not something I can articulate. It's nonverbal: I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on."

I don't want to meet people who will judge me, who are shallow, or place too much value on wealth and material possessions. It's lame and it gets old. I want to meet people who are thoughtful and contemplative and care about things in life that matter.

"We made love on the living room floor.
With the noise in the background from a televised war,
and in that deafening pleasure, I thought I heard someone say,
'If we walk away they walk away.'"

Music:



"In the morning when you puke up water,
and your skin turns a pale, pale yellow,
well every day you lose more color."

"As we paint the foil with a flame,
smear the soda, taste butane,
for every fear that can't be named,
to calm you down
.
Your heart starts skipping steps,
so you're farther gone,
then you might expect
.
If your thoughts should turn to death,
gotta stomp 'em out
like a cigarette.

"Lately I've been wishing I had one desire
something that would make me never want another
something that would make it so that nothing matters
all would be clear then.
But I guess i'll have to settle for a few brief moments,
and watch it all dissolve into a single second
try to write it down into a perfect sonnet
or one foolish line.
'Cause that's all that you'll get,
so you'll have to accept.
You are here then you're gone..."

-Bright Eyes.

"There's a memory of a window,
looking through I see you
Searching for something I could never give you
Meant someone who understands you more than I do,
A sadness I can't erase,
all alone on your face."

"I believe in the sand beneath my toes.
The beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows...
And the four right chords can make me cry!
When I'm with you I feel like I could die,
and that would be all right,
all right
..."

-Third Eye Blind.

Movies:

REQUIEM FOR A DREAM
The Illusionist
Donnie Darko
Blow
Fight Club
The Butterfly Effect
Rent
Seven
Crash
The Notebook

Edward Scissorhands
Pay It Forward
Shawshank Redemption
Thirteen
The Breakfast Club
Schindler's List
Save The Last Dance
A Beautiful Mind
10 Things I Hate About You
Disney movies!

Books:

"I am in the middle of a hurricane. Thunder is cymbal-crashing above and beneath me...I won't even be in this hemisphere tomorrow. This storm could set me down anywhere.
You don't know where I'll end up.
The good news is that you may have created my past and screwed up my present but you have know control over my future .
You don't know me at all."

- You don't Know Me.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven.

The Catcher in the Rye.

Animal Farm.

Hard Love.

We Need to Talk About Kevin.

Smashed.

Pillars of the Earth.

More, Now, Again.

"You can never get to a person's mind. You cannot know the different deeds and missions of happiness; you can't tell a scream of pleasure from one of pain. Sometimes, we can barely read pain. Neither a barometer nor a guide, pain can mislead us."
- Skinny.

Heroes:

I take you where you want to go
I give you all you need to know
I drag you down I use you up
Mr. Self-destruct.

My Blog

perfection.

Starving away the tears and the pain. I'm fading to nothing, words unspoken and erased. Black with decay, but I'm getting closer each day to bones white and pure. Nothing better, nothing worse than th...
Posted by Brenna on Thu, 06 Mar 2008 03:52:00 PST

fuck you.

The most amazing girl you'd ever met, you said. Could that have been me? Now I'm broken and dead, fucked up in the head. And with everything that's happened I should learn to expect, try and plan for ...
Posted by Brenna on Tue, 16 Oct 2007 03:52:00 PST

i hate

when this shit happens. and i have to start over. and i hate how i post blogs when i'm sad. because this'll be really depressing when i look back on it. and it will suck. but i don't know what to do....
Posted by Brenna on Mon, 15 Oct 2007 07:00:00 PST

shit happens.

My head it won't stop working replaying memories in my mind. Sleeping next to you at 3 AM when everything was fine. A few nights of wasted time, too many drugs and cigarettes and now you're nothing mo...
Posted by Brenna on Fri, 20 Jul 2007 01:31:00 PST

...is dead.

so the guinea pig i was so happy about died today. and it's making me really sad. i mean, it's just a guinea pig. so what, right? but i just feel like it's my fault. and i'm not just having a guilt tr...
Posted by Brenna on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 02:35:00 PST

my guinea pig!

I got a guinea pig today :D! He's so cute I love him. And I need a name, any suggestions? Yayyyy :)
Posted by Brenna on Sat, 10 Feb 2007 03:11:00 PST

people.

Sometimes I wonder why you can be the nicest person, and try so hard to be so nice to everyone, and all people ever do is walk all over you and treat you like shit. It doesn't matter how much anyone s...
Posted by Brenna on Sun, 24 Dec 2006 01:37:00 PST

UGH

All I really want to do, Is tear straight into you. EXPLODE. Unload a hail of insults, Until you finally get it. I'm sick to death. But I'll keep it simple for obvious reasons, And I'll say what I sho...
Posted by Brenna on Mon, 13 Nov 2006 04:19:00 PST

philosophies?

I've been thinking a LOT lately. Life is just so weird sometimes, and not bad weird, just weird in general. It's so strange to try to think about everything and come to all these crazy conclusions and...
Posted by Brenna on Tue, 10 Oct 2006 06:20:00 PST

breaking.

Inside out and upside down, torn apart and pushed around. Not knowing what to say or do, like before, I'm giving in to you.  I can't forget, I can't escape, I can't take this, I chose my fate. I ...
Posted by Brenna on Thu, 21 Sep 2006 04:54:00 PST