About Me
Secret #12 [05/29/09]
I realize everyone deserves a second chance and I do give them out, but when you become a really close friend of mine, break through my walls, and get me to truly trust you...then you break it, I want to be just normal friends. I'm sick of those close, almost "best", friends who end up getting caught up in their own lives or making stupid choices to the point where I feel like I've lost the friend I thought they were. They're different and yes, I still love the person, but I miss who they used to be. For awhile, I don't need a best friend or someone to say they care but dont show it, I have a few people who still are true and they're what I need...but I'm giving up for now. I'm done with trying to gain friendships that are not worth the effort because frankly, I'm moving away in a year to a far away city where I can start over fresh and make friends with people who'll stay with me for a lifetime. I love the people Ive told that I love, but it's in the past now. I'm living in the present and working for a future. I know I'm nice and people take advantage, I know I try to keep things together when maybe...in the end, it's meant to fall apart. Because sometimes when things fall apart, it just means better things fall together.
Secret #11 [2/18/09]
I always thought remembering my past, would help me not make the same mistakes in the present/future and learning from the past would save me from a lot of the hurt I used to feel. People come and go in your life; friends who you think you’ll be tight with forever change and end up leaving you. Lately, Ive figured out though that always remembering your past isn’t the best choice, sure it’s safe, but then you’re missing out on a lot. Life is all about taking risks, falling, trust, and betrayal. At the end, you learn who has your back and who just talks the talk but never intended to walk the walk with you. In life, you get these feelings where everything in your body is telling you to stay back and not to trust someone, but maybe it’s better to take the plunge. Maybe most people are the same, but someone is bound to prove you wrong…so don’t miss your chance. You have one life, laugh too much, dance like no ones watching, capture as many memories as you can because a minute of not having fun, is a full 60 seconds you just lost. I think I’m ready to start taking the plunge more. This is my secret.
Secret #10 [2/2/09]
I change a lot, not because I don't know who I am, but the people I come across in life help shape me to the way I am at the present. Sometimes I love the person I'm becoming and other times I see myself disliking the changed person I am...but sometimes I will still follow the path because I want to see just where it could possibly take me. I don't make all the great choices and other people have these high expectations of me where if I don't meet them or I turn out to be someone different than the person they pictured in their own mind...I disappoint them. People have told me I'm their hope, a living example of a person who hasn't conformed to society and the nature of our generation...but sometimes I feel like I'm not any different in certain areas. I may not do drugs, drink, smoke, etc. but I don't necessarily think it's all wrong. It's a choice, I just dont think my body needs it and it's a waste of my money..but if I started to try some of the stuff, people will tell me they're disappointed. I'm not perfect, I never tried to be. I only live the life I live because of what I believe, I'm not trying to live up to the images you see. I'm not trying to be someone higher than the rest. I'm just a person who chooses her words and choices carefully. This my secret.
Secret #9 [12/30/08]
The person that scares me the most, the one that can hurt me the most, is myself. You can't blame other people for the way you feel and you can choose to accept to believe the world or believe in yourself. Sometimes I dont let myself think too hard because what I see in my mind and think, frightens me. I dont block out everything I dont want to hear or see in the world; I block out the monster that lays in my mind, only letting it out every so often. Few people see the way I really think because Ive learned that if I show most people inside the way I think at times, they change the way they think about me as a person. Im still that same loving kid towards everyone else. Im not close to understanding myself still, but I dont hate the part of what Ive discovered anymore. Life is more fun questioning your surroundings, life is more interesting having a mystery in your hands that no one may ever solve. A monster that no one will be able to capture. This is my secret.
Secret #8 [12/15/08]
Just like most of this world I yearn for love and acceptance and I used to be different than most teens, I believed in love and I believed in trust. I understood that love itself can be the most amazing feeling in the world, while losing that feeling can be one of the worst. It can leave you feeling empty and alone more than you can imagine. Sometimes I'd let myself fall little by little and even if they didn't work out, the moments I did share with someone while it lasted was worth it I think. I learned from the past so I can make the future better. Now, I'm not so sure if I want to let myself fall for someone in awhile because I dont know if I want to let myself depend on someone again. I dont want to need someone to hold me, to protect me, to make me happy. I want to be strong enough to survive on my own...and I know I can't do that forever. But I think for awhile, I'm stepping away. Maybe I'm not having the right train of thoughts, prove me wrong if you want...but don't make false promises you can't keep. This is my secret.
Secret #7 [12/06/08]
If you know me and have had a decent conversation with me, you'll know that I dream big. Most people settle for what they know they can achieve, the average. I dream to the point that others don't believe in me. To the point where they think I'll just waste my time trying and I should settle for something that's more secure. I have faith in myself yes, I believe I can do anything I put my mind too...but sometimes it helps to have some support instead of everyone doubting me. Once in awhile, it's nice to hear that someone is behind me 110% of the way and to those friends, I have a lot to thank for because sometimes I do lose hope in myself and I start to believe everyone else...but when I lose my own hope, they have always kept theirs for me :] This is my secret.
Secret #6 [11/20/08]
I may care about you more than you think. When I ask/say, "what's wrong and how're you doing today or know that Im always there for a shoulder to lean on" I mean every word of that. I DO care even if we're not close. I may also relate and understand more than you can imagine, I don't let on that I have problems really, but I do. I realize that maybe you're problems may not be that big, but to the one person it's happening to, it means the world to them. It can feel like your world's crashing down and you just need someone to talk to and trust. I understand and I care. =] This is my secret.
Secret #5 [11/09/08]:
When I say I love you, I mean it every time although it's usually in a close friendship/family kind of way. It means that you've made a big difference in my life, it means I care about you a lot more than you probably even think. So many people say "I love you" to me, I wonder how many mean it? The phrase has become overused and overrated. I know there are different forms of love though, which I understand. Luckily I rarely believe people, but to a typical kid, you could be breaking their heart. Watch your words, mean what you say. Life is too short for anything really but happiness and love. This is my secret.
Secret #4 [11/03/08]
Sometimes I feel like I grew up faster than a lot of the kids my age. They're still screwing around, laughing at lame perverted jokes, experimenting with substances, and creating drama or being dramatic for fun. Sometimes I feel left out because if I tried playing along, I feel like a total misfit. While at the same time, I'm comfortable with the way I am and who I have. I'm ok with waiting for the others to catch up and start putting together their life, at the same time...still having fun with it=] This is my secret.
Secret #3 [11/02/08]:
I don't have many fears because I feel like they make me weaker. I overcome most of them. I still kind of fear dying alone though and never finding that special person in my life. I still sort of fear that I'm wasting my time here on Earth and not making a difference. I dont want to just be another dead corpse in the ground, I want my memory to live on through generations. I want to make an impact. I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with who shares the same passion for change and people that I do. Someone who hungers God just as much as me and puts him before our relationship. I want someone to put God first and me second. This is my secret.
Secret #2 [11/01/08]
I sound like a negative person sometimes, my outlook of the world when in reality, I think I just see the world as it is. The world isnt such a positive place, but we can make it be. I believe I can make a difference, I believe in myself, I believe in our generation. If we saw the world as it really is now, not all that positive, we can get the motivation to make it a better place. This is my secret.
Secret #1 [10/30/08]:
I'm not as put together and as strong as I appear. I may just be as broken as you are, but I try keeping my head held up high. I say Im indestructible, but those that make me strongest, are actually my weaknesses. Those that are suppose to matter most in my life, are the ones that hurt me the worst. I'm not perfect. I can't reach people's high expectations. This is my secret.
UNDER CONSTRUCTION:
I will redo this section...eventually
I’m a girl; complicated, loving, open, confusing, and frustrating.
I’m not any better than the next person, but I try in life.
I’m open minded, intellectual, and I love debates.
I can be stubborn if I want to, but don’t take it personally.
I’m usually sweet, friendly, and nice on my usual days
and on my bad days, I still try putting on a smile
because I’ve learned that a smile can change someone’s day and brighten it up.
I’m only a girl, but I’ve got big dreams for this world.
You can tell me I won’t amount to anything in life,
I have fake friends, and I’m wasting my potential
It’s ok, I’ve heard it all…and I’ve lost hope in myself before because of it
but then I had those few friends in my life who kept believing in me
and telling me to hold onto my dreams because I’m amazing and I’m going places
Then I started to believe in myself again. I found new hope.
Christianity to me isn’t about a religion, it’s an intimate relationship.
I don’t shove my beliefs down your throat
but I’m really open minded about my faith and morals.
You live your life, you have your own choices…I understand.
I have friends of all types. If I like your personality, then you’re cool to me
No matter what background you have.
This is me in a sort of nutshell, but it’s not even 1 % of who I really am
because frankly, I’m not tiny enough to fit in a nutshell yet
So just get to know me for your self.
You can only feel love, if you’ve been hurt. You can only feel happy, if you’ve been discontent. You can only see the light, if you've been in darkness. You can only have success, if you've failed. You can only learn, if you've made mistakes. You can only feel hope if you’ve been in despair and you can only feel strong, if you’ve been weak.
-Lily Pie
