The Secondhand Outfit

These songs are kinda old (1998-2003). New ones will be up shortly. Take care.

Baggage Claim
All major airlines have liability policies for reimbursing customers for lost, stolen, or damaged luggage. Baggage liability limitations are set by the Department Of Transportation and currently stand at $2,500 per ticketed customer. However, maximum liability is not automatic and all damage or loss value must be proven, so its a good idea to furnish receipts for any big money items you might claim. The most effective way to have your baggage stolen goes as follows: Immediately after you get off the plane have a friend meet you in a pre-arranged location, preferably the bathroom (the only place you wont be on camera). Lay your baggage claim stubs down, do not hand them directly to him/her, and go into a stall. Have your friend with their newly acquired baggage claim stubs retrieve your luggage and make the drop to another friend waiting outside in the car. The friend should then return to the bathroom, return you the stubs and leave the airport immediately with the luggage. Then go wait around baggage pick up until everything is cleared out. Go to the counter and inform them that they have stopped circulating baggage from your flight and your items were never produced. After they check the back for your stuff they will require you to fill out a claims form and then explain that your baggage was most likely misplaced and should be located and shipped shortly. You should receive a reimbursement check within a month and if you were very thorough in detailing the expensive belongings you had packed, itll be a decent size check.
Below is a standard list of items that almost all airlines will deny responsibility for compensating: Cash, camera equipment, commercial effects, computer software and equipment, electronic equipment, fragile articles, jewelry, lifesaving medication, negotiable papers, irreplaceable business documents, works of art or other similar valuable items contained in checked or unchecked baggage. Occording to most airlines policies these items should be carried by the passenger.
Points of No Return
To avoid accumulating points on your driving record as a result of traffic violations (i.e. speeding or running red light), follow these simple instructions: When you receive a ticket the issuing officer will more than likely explain the options you have to resolve the matter, then hand you an addressed envelope and your personal copy of the ticket. Your option of choice will be to mail the fine in along with your ticket. When making out your check or money order add a couple extra dollars to the total amount of the fine (i.e. if the amount you must pay is $100 send $103). The Clerk of Courts will receive your check, cash it and then issue you a return check for the difference (in this case $3). When the refund check arrives in your mailbox destroy it, do not under any circumstances cash the check. The points are not assessed to your license until all financial transactions are complete and as long as youre not stupid enough to cash that check they never will be.
Review: All local courts and motor vehicle departments use the same standard databases so this scheme is applicable through out all 50 states. Itll keep your monthly insurance payments from increasing and keep you from accruing excessive points on your record and having your license suspended or revoked. The only down side is that the state government (not local) still gets your money. With any luck TSHO will figure out a sure fire way to avoid payment all together by next issue. Hold tight. +++Speeding tickets are the church collection plate of state government. Law enforcement officials across the country hand out more than 115, 000 tickets per day, generating a multi-billion dollar influx of funds. Insurance companies cash in big as well by raising your premiums when points assess to your license. Major players like Allstate and State Farm have been known to purchase newer, more effective radar guns for traffic cops and highway patrol departments. To twist the knife deeper, they receive special tax write-offs for their generous donations.
Frozen Ink
In order to remove the ink tag anti-theft devices from articles of stolen clothing pop them in your freezer for 24 hours. Once the ink is frozen solid you have about a 10 minute window to remove the tag without getting any nasty stains on your new polo goose down.
See No Evil
Directions: See no evil is the peewee league of all postal scams, involving only the exploitation of a government service offered to the visually impaired (blind). Its simple, follow all the routine procedures you normally would for mailing a letter with one tiny exception. On the envelope space provided where you would normally place postage, write in or stamp "FREE MATTER FOR THE BLIND" making sure it is done very neatly in order not to aggravate already disgruntle postal workers. The important part of this method is that you do not under any circumstances place this letter in your mailbox or hand it to an employee at the post office, if you fail to heed this instruction you will be tied to a post in the village square and subjected to extreme genatorture and public humiliation for unsuccessfully trying to take advantage of blind people. The proper thing to do would be to take your letter or package and make an anonymous drop into a blue federal mailbox. These are not difficult to locate and can usually be found on post office property or near libraries and big business buildings. The catch is that your parcel will be sent library rate (fourth class) which could take upwards of 2 to 3 times longer to arrive at its stated destination, the upside being that you just mailed something for free
Review: Even with proper execution of the see no evil method you are still running the slight risk that the postman/woman in your area would rather wipe their ass with your letter than let blind people have free postage. My suggestion would be that you try this once or twice with less important articles before you go mailing anything of real value. How many blind people do you know who write letters anyway.