Onyx of DarkLite - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am at a point in my life where I do not know where I belong. No matter how hard I try to be ignorant to what people think of me, I always come back to that. What does he think? What does she think? Am I "cool" enough for people in general? How many people find me irritating or unintelligent after a few days of chatting with me or reading my forum posts.
I wonder many times about who I really am. I'm not afraid to look at myself from an outsider's point of view and say, "You've done some really screwed up things in your life!" I know, though, that many people who know those things look at me and say I'm a bad person for them. Why do I care? Why does anyone care?
I'll never be like you. I'll always have a slightly more juvenile mentality towards life. Sure, I can be serious when the need calls for it, but I tend to attack with a sense of humor. I tend to hide behind that sense of humor when I get nervous.
And people make me nervous. I am comfortable chatting with people online more than I am in person because here, they cannot see my flaws, my weaknesses, my failures. I will always feel inferior to those around me. But why is that? Why should I feel as though I'm not as good as you, or her, or him? When I figure that out, perhaps then my view on life shall have changed.
I am not as eloquent as you. I may be female, but I don't consider myself a lady. Most ladies have more class, are better educated, and have the ability to present themselves with a confidence that I cannot exhibit for myself.
Much like the people that I so admire. I will never truly be one of them. Not in my eyes, not in most of their eyes. I admire the culture and absorb the knowledge of their beautiful ways to an extent that I have never before done with anyone or anything. I cannot be a part of that beauty, but I will certainly make it known that I fully embrace the Divinity and Grace that they are.
I close this with tearful eyes while I wonder just who I really am. I know who I want to be, but I lack the understanding of how to fully portray that to society. Fear, perhaps is the x-factor that blocks that creativity.
Little, by little, I learn more about myself. Perhaps one day, I'll finally know who I am....

My Interests

I ought to just call this section:
MY SHAMELESS PROMOTIONS FOR PEOPLE I'VE NEVER MET!

Events by Eventful

I'd like to meet:

center Andrew Fletcher of Depeche Mode, Ronin Harris of VNV Nation, and Stephen King.
And, lately, I've had an inner desire to seek out people that I went to school with. I don't know why, exactly. Mostly, I was treated like shit all through my early education. But, life moves on, and so do people. If you have found me through a shool search, don't be afraid to say hi. I'll probably be thankful for that.

If you feel the need to contact me use...
Yahoo - onyxofdarklite

Music:

My Pandora Radio

Movies:

My two most favorite people ever!

Television:

I truly don't watch much tv, but I do like to watch movies on dvd...

Books:

Stephen King, Anne Rice, Dean Koontz, and early V.C. Andrews...

Heroes:

My heroine is Maleficent.
She may be tormented for the wrong reasons, but at least she is happy in her own way.

My Blog

I guess I’m just a simple person...

I have come to determine that I really hate my job. I can't seem to get anything right. I don't dress right for them, I don't do things right for them. I can't remember enough t...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:24:00 PST

Sinking in...(mindless babble)

I will be so very glad when this week of school is over. This unit of math has been particularly difficult. I abhore word problems that make no sense whatsoever. Honestly, I couldn't...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Sun, 08 Jun 2008 10:44:00 PST

Wannabe, poseur, human

Hmmm... no. I don't think I fall into any of the above categories except for human. I really don't try to do anything except for what I like. Wear what I like, listen to the music th...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Fri, 06 Jun 2008 05:25:00 PST

One of those days

I've been in a funk for the last few weeks. I'm not quite sure what's been going on, but I do know that I'm not quite happy with life. There's nothing terribly wrong with it, but there is ...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Mon, 02 Jun 2008 02:49:00 PST

Randomness from the mind of chaos

We've finally gotten a repreve from all of the rain and gloom. Not that gloom isn't bad, but when it chills the skin, I must remain inside. The sun was shining, and I was warmed by its ray...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Fri, 30 May 2008 03:27:00 PST

One year!

Yep, it's tough to believe, but it has been one year since Jacob and I got together. I'm not going to lie and say that it's been glorious, and that everything has gone wonderfully. It hasn...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Tue, 27 May 2008 05:49:00 PST

School update - mostly for my mother.. lol

By now, most of you know that I am back in college, and taking my classes online. This term, I am taking three classes which we are now past the halfway point of a ten week term. I must sa...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Sat, 24 May 2008 03:19:00 PST

Check out this video: Spooner Lake 5-20-08

Spooner Lake is very beautiful. The smell of the pine trees, the breeze, the lake. Everything about it was perfect. The trail was 2.1 miles in total, about 1 mile more than Erika could handle. She...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Wed, 21 May 2008 08:18:00 PST

A first for everything...

They say that there's always a first for everything. Children go through many firsts that we as parents sometimes forget that we were there once, too. Not last night. Last night was ...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Sun, 18 May 2008 10:49:00 PST

It's still rock and roll to me!

Yesterday was one of the best days that I've had in a long time. The two hour trip to Placerville to hang out with my oldest and dearest friend, Lauren, was worth it! I'm not going to take a whole l...
Posted by Onyx of DarkLite on Thu, 15 May 2008 12:14:00 PST