25202876 - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Blog warning! If you decide to read my blogs - keep in mind that I have a very dark sense of humor - some of it is not for the easily offended - You've been warned... Now back to our regularly scheduled pigeonholing. I like seeing bands, hiking, travelling, theater, cooking, reading, discussing the nature of existance over a good beer, throwing darts (only at a dartboard - breathe for chrissakes!), playing guitar/piano, going out in thunderstorms and blizzards, kidnapping babies from pediatric wards and trading them for snickers bars (Snickers is a licenced trademark of M@M Mars - damn legalistas!) Oh and by the way - I put down that my hair is brown - which it is, but I shave my head so I'm also bald and I'm also not as blurry as my picture, unless you've been drinking - god this is getting complicated. I have toured with U2 and Michael Jackson, free climbed mount everest, flew around the world with a helium balloon I stole from a circus clown, beat the tar out of Mike Tyson in a bar brawl, won the indy 500 in a '75 dodge dart, ghostwrote most of Princes "controversy" album, did a few "favors" for the CIA which I am not at liberty to talk about (except to say that it concerned Bill Gates and Vanilla Ice), I have won 5 grammys, 2 obies, 3 oscars and 7 Betty Crocker bake-off trophies, I taught Mike Richter everything he knows about goaltending, I have made millions in tripe futures and donated it all to charity, reproduced the Mona Lisa (if you are ever at the Louvre check it out it's one of my better ones),single handedly won 3 world series and 2 stanley cups, designed the Delorean, built a skyscraper out of spam (shouldn't have built it on the waterfront - the seagulls ate it), and have discovered the cures for the common cold, clinical depression, and general ennui.

My Blog

Texas Teenage Virgins

So I saw this movie the other day called "Texas Teenage Virgins" Calm Down - it was a documentary... It's about these teens in Lubbock, Texas, who take vows of sexual purity... Which is apparently ...
Posted by on Thu, 16 Nov 2006 22:00:00 GMT

Absolut Insanity

So the Absolut vodka company just opened this bar in London called Absolut Icebar, which, oddly enough, is made entirely of ice. The bar, the glassware, the artwork on the walls, all made of ice, and...
Posted by on Tue, 03 Oct 2006 15:47:00 GMT

Dog Adoption

So I'm trying to adopt a dog. I go online to petfinders.org - they have pictures and bios of the dogs. I find one I like alot. Except for the name... Princess... What kind of jackass names a germ...
Posted by on Fri, 18 Aug 2006 20:30:00 GMT

NYC Public Schools

I'm a product of the New York City public School system. Explains a lot I know... When I was in junior high, a lot of kids wore a bandanna in their back pocket or tied around their leg. Hey it was ...
Posted by on Sun, 30 Oct 2005 12:33:00 GMT

Rockstar INXS

I'll be honest - I hate reality TV. That said, Rockstar INXS makes "The Simple Life" look like a triple feature of "The Godfather", "Citizen Kane", and "Life is Beautiful" First off - the title is m...
Posted by on Mon, 19 Sep 2005 01:47:00 GMT

Other species

I think in society, men definitely have it a little better than women... But women don't have it that bad compared to females of some other species... No woman would want to trade places with a fema...
Posted by on Sat, 27 Aug 2005 11:32:00 GMT

Grow up

The world's a scary place man. But I found a way to make it less scary. It's really simple - you should try it. Tomorrow, go to work... go up to your boss... and say "Fuckface, I quit." Then go ...
Posted by on Sat, 20 Aug 2005 15:12:00 GMT

Smirnoff Ad

I saw this TV ad for Smirnoff vodka. Which is the most popular vodka in the country... among people with Parkinsons They're shooting for a younger crowd now. Since most of their target market died...
Posted by on Tue, 16 Aug 2005 12:15:00 GMT

Food

We have so many different varieties of food. All different varieties of fruits and vegetables and meats and nuts and beans and cheeses and cereals and shit that we can choose from every day And...
Posted by on Sun, 14 Aug 2005 15:36:00 GMT