After graduating chestnuts and letting the handbrake off the playbus resulting in the injuries of 8 toddlers, 2 oaps, one lesbian, and the writing off of one said converted double decker bus, I moved on to attend the greatest primary school in the history of man- Hawthorns Primary School, which to this day still boasts an ABC computer system. At Hawthorns Primary School it is illegal to; play on the grassy bank, play on the monkey bars without plimsoles, or throw stones at the old bat next door. After just missing out on the ‘best smile’ award in two class photos (I was robbed), six years of hard study, and one cracking right arm lob at the now deceased old bat next door (it was a shot and a half), It was time for me to move on to bigger and better things- Forest Secondary school, slightly down the road from Woosehill in the even chavver?? town of Winnersh. At Forest Secondary school it is illegal to; deface your tie, go up the fire escape outside the foreign languages block, or stab someone in the hand with a fork for stealing chips from your plate in the cafeteria (he was warned!). I attended Forest for 3 years before being informed by the folks that father dearest had a new job in the lone star state which couldn’t have come at a better time for two reasons:
1.A load of Pikeys had just moved in at the top of Chestnut Avenue in Woosehill and I don’t care how chav you are, noone, and I mean NOONE, is lower than a Pikey.
and2.Daddyo had been spending a lot of time in the land of the free prior to the announcement of us moving which had led to rumours at school of him leading a double life. These rumours were subsequently quashed, and anyone participating in this idol gossip fittingly labeled as a ‘gaylord’.
It was then, in 1997 when I moved to the great state of Texas and discovered that, to the people of Texas; chav means nothing as if you have more than three teeth or your house is not on wheels, then you are in fact, considered middle class. It was in Texas where I attended James E. Taylor High School in Katy Independent School District where it is illegal to; wear tshirts with swear words or alcohol on, weld a drawing of a penis onto another students work in ‘shop class’, or switch a dildo on and leave it on the ‘true love waits’ clubs’ lunch table during lunch. After graduating high School in 2001 with a ‘B’ average (not bad for me I must point out) I went on a week long piss up with an American friend (it was a very cheap piss up) and ended up in Liverpool where I have been for the past six years.
When I originally came to Liverpool, I registered at Liverpool John Moores University where it is illegal to; plagiarise on ANY coursework, remove and set off a fire extinguisher from any halls of residence, or steal a computer from the computer lab on the second floor at Byrom street (even if you were gonna bring it back, ‘promise’). It is these places in which I have lived and the experiences I gained whilst living in them which have given me my sick and twisted sense of humour which I endevour to bring to a stage near you. I hope to see you soon, looking up at me whilst a spurt out a bunch of shit which hopefully will make you laugh. Check out my calendar for dates I am playing in the future, and I hope to see you soon
Love, Scooby xx ( I dont know why I put kisses there but girls do it on their profiles all the time and i figured hey, guys can do it too- I'm bridging the gap people!)