Abbie profile picture

Abbie

Much appreciated.

About Me

I think I have been put on this planet to rid the world of bad grammar and spelling errors. I can turn almost anything into a Mitch Hedberg joke. I identify with Holden Caulfield, even more so as I get older. I'd wear sweatpants every day if it were socially acceptable. I wake myself up in the middle of the night with the answers to crossword puzzle clues that plague me throughout the day. I prefer animals to people. I am too damn accountable. I am a believer in luck, coincidence, science, and R S T L N E. If you want to know anything else, just ask.

My Interests

Things I like: alphabetizing, astronomy, autonomy, avocados, bioethics, books, bowling, bubble tea, celebrity gossip, CNN.com, competitive eating, cosmology, couches, crossword puzzles, Diet Peach Snapple, ellipticals, Erotic Photo Hunt, fake meat (specifically, vegetarian pepperoni), flossing, gay rights, Google, grammar, irony, jukeboxes, karaoke, kittens, Kroger, laughing, live music, lola, Mac users, martinis with blue cheese-stuffed olives, MICHELLE (hi!!!!!), office supplies, palindromes, parentheses, people watching, portmanteaus, processed cheese, procrastination, psychopathology, puppies, relaxing, semicolons, sociology, sweatpants, symmetry, tattoos, tetris, traveling, trivia, upright bass, VH1, vodka, word games, women's rights, working out.

Things I do not like: abbreviations, Chevrolets, cigarette smoke, conservativism, cooking, debt, folding laundry, Fox News, hiccups, law school, misspellings, mushrooms, pretentiousness, raw onions, smell of rain, spontaneous capitalizations, tequila, traffic, vanity plates, verbosity, wind (even worse when combined with sun), worms.

I'd like to meet:

Career counselors. Cat lovers. Columbus residents that are as apathetic about football as I am. Grammarians. Holden Caulfield sympathizers. Lawyers who are happy. People in the throes of existential crises. Photo Hunt partners. Questioners. Trivia buffs.

NOT BANDS. Seriously. If I don't know you in real life or haven't been a member at some point, don't even try.

And, Ben Wallace. Just so I could touch his arms.

Create your own visitor map!

Music:


The 6ths, The Arcade Fire, Beastie Boys, Beck, Belly, Bishop Allen, Eels, Erasure, The Magnetic Fields, Operation Ivy, The Pixies, Radiohead, The Rolling Stones, Elliott Smith, The Violent Femmes, Weezer, World Party.

I am intentionally omitting from this list any mention of my love for cheesy 70s and 80s crap and early 90s love songs.

Movies:

American Beauty, The Breakfast Club, Clerks, Dazed and Confused, Dirty Dancing, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Fight Club, Flashdance, Funny Ha Ha, The Ice Storm, Laurel Canyon, Mallrats, Muriel's Wedding, Office Space, Old Joy, Reality Bites, Singles, The Slums of Beverly Hills, Wet Hot American Summer, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Zoolander.

Television:

The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Da Ali G Show, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Jeopardy!, The L-Word, My So-Called Life, The Office (though I've really only seen the BBC version), Peep Show, Saved By the Bell, Scrubs, Seinfeld, Sex and the City, Six Feet Under.

Despite these "favorites" of mine, I spend a ridiculous amount of time watching whatever crap MTV puts out, as well as the entire "CelebReality" lineup on VH1.

Books:

Atlas Shrugged, The Catcher in the Rye, East of Eden, Einstein's Dreams, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Franny and Zooey, The Fountainhead, Lolita, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Naked, Nine Stories, The Second Shift, Skinny Legs and All, The World According to Garp, There Are No Children Here, Valley of the Dolls.

Heroes:

Kim Deal, Albert Einstein, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Hawking, Takeru Kobayashi.

And, Nora, the piano-playing cat.

My Blog

A triad of firsts.

'Twas a weekend of firsts for me:1. My first time at a strip club2. My first time at the Ohio State Fair3. My first time eating a deep-fried pickleUpon extensive reflection, I have to say, I think the...
Posted by Abbie on Mon, 06 Aug 2007 07:33:00 PST

The creepiest place on earth.

Last Wednesday night, around 11:30, en route to North Carolina, PJ and I decided it was about time to stop driving for the night.  We found ourselves in the small town of Fancy Gap, Virginia, whe...
Posted by Abbie on Mon, 30 Jul 2007 11:04:00 PST

Pony girl.

Tonight I went to see The Ponys. Watching their female bass player writhe around the stage, while fingering some exceedingly simply bass lines, it hit me: there is absolutely no reason why I could no...
Posted by Abbie on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 09:28:00 PST

Sooweet!

Why would you go and ruin a perfectly nice-looking black BMW by adding a vanity license plate that says "SOOWEET"? I will never understand people.
Posted by Abbie on Thu, 05 Jul 2007 01:37:00 PST

Three times thwarted.

Ever since I saw Tommy Womack's live cover of Cheap Trick's "Surrender" last week, I have known: that would be my next karaoke performance. Last night some friends and I found ourselves at a karaoke ...
Posted by Abbie on Sat, 26 May 2007 11:58:00 PST

Ow, my balls.

A few months ago, I watched the movie Idiocracy.  Starring Luke Wilson, it's the futuristic tale of what happens to the world as a result of stupid people breeding - people water crops with Gator...
Posted by Abbie on Wed, 16 May 2007 09:26:00 PST

I know this isn't really funny...

...but in my over-studied, brain-fried state of mind, it is!From my Wills, Trusts, and Estates textbook, in the chapter on reforming the Rule Against Perpetuities (if you don't know, don't ask, becaus...
Posted by Abbie on Wed, 02 May 2007 12:33:00 PST

Personal growth

Before bed last night, I padded downstairs in my bare feet to turn off the lights and turn on my alarm system. So, imagine my surprise when my eyes fell upon a small, black wiggly creature, about an ...
Posted by Abbie on Tue, 01 May 2007 05:27:00 PST

This is your brain. This is your brain on Text Twist...

After staying away for nearly a year, I have been playing the Yahoo! game Text Twist like a maniac these past few days, following a conversation I had with a friend on Friday night.  Text Tw...
Posted by Abbie on Wed, 18 Apr 2007 11:42:00 PST

Isn't it ironic?

At work, I park in a pre-pay lot that costs $5, so I always need exact change. Yesterday, all I had were $20 bills, so I borrowed money from some friends at school and went on my merry way, armed wit...
Posted by Abbie on Thu, 05 Apr 2007 06:02:00 PST