The Alter Ego

My name is John, but I don't really believe in names. I think those who assign "god" a name limit the potential of what such an omnipresent force is truly capable of. They are the exact same ones trying to bend events in their favor, rigging elections , and deifying themselves while they blatantly vilify those who gave them their voice in the first place. Needless to say I plan on becoming a political serial killer once I turn 35. Note I did not say "assasin" which would imply some kind of favoritism for the left or right wing. No, I think they're all obsolete and I'm intent on making them EXACTLY that. Why 35? cuz it's the standard age for a serial killer or a president and altho I never wet the bed I AM from TX (home of Ed Gein- bless his heart) and I have no interest in becoming one of my own targets. So hey, 2 out of 3 ain't bad. Gotta give the profilers a lil something to work with.

I dream of a new dystopia every nite only to wake up and realize it's fast approaching. I'm a lucid dreamer by practice and if you read the blog "A Drastic Lack of Landing Gear" you'll see what I'm talking about.

I'm an extroverted introvert, an optimistic pessimist, a hopeless romantic and violently passionate about everything I do. Take that however you want just bear in mind I'm usually the latter of each of those more than I am the former.

I used to scare myself regularly but since I've abolished Fear from my life I'm stuck having to find other ways to pacify my overactive imagination. Lately this entails riding my bike into unfamiliar parts of the city, wandering into abandoned buildings, reading avidly, meeting random guys who drool over me (or not) and trying to hold a legitimate conversation, or just hibernating at home making half-assed attempts of keeping occupied whilst neglecting the things I really should be doing. I'm open to suggestions so by all means let me know.

I've always been obsessed with the Aurora Borealis but now Antimatter is one of my new points of interest. I'd like to go back to school some day but "structure" doesn't sit so well with me. As a result I'm pretty reliant on my own self-education and the seldom few nuggets of wisdom people I encounter are kind enough to impart to me. Too bad hardly anyone really has a clue wtf they're talking about.

I own pretty much nothing right now and it's incredibly comfortable to me. The word Necessity has lost damn near ALL of it's relevance over the past couple years. Some of the most joyous and intense tymes of my life took place when I was a vagrant. I might as well be one now except I am employed and I'm pretty sure being jobless is a requirement for that.

I avoid jealousy like the plague but I can't help envy musicians and those who have a knack for the visual arts. They are conduits and the closest thing to prophets we have these days.

I've transubstantiated multiple tymes without changing form. Dunno yet if I've actually got the hang of it but I'm learning.

It doesn't take much for me to be content altho I'm always anxious. I don't recognize the past tense and am really unconcerned about the future (figure I know where we're headed thanks to my dreams) or preventing it for that matter. Instead I focus on the present and try to discern exactly why it's SO damned evasive.

I would love to find love with someone who can be devoted but not possesive as that's what I strive to be. I want to develop a routine with said person and become a singular entity that's still able to thrive independantly of it's components. The word Symbiosis makes me quiver with delite.

I know exactly who I am and have been cozy in my skin for several years. I think it's really sad when I meet men several years my senior who are still just as lost and angsty as your average adolescent. My heart goes out to them but unfortunately only they can help themselves. I'll gladly give them a lil shove in the form of perspective however as that's one thing I still ask others to do for me when in need. There is no such thing as clarity without contrast.

And lastly, I may give the impression that I "have my shit together", "am an old soul", "got my bearings", and what have you. You may be right but for the sake of showing a wee bit of humility I offer the following disclaimer... DO NOT BE DECIEVED. One can never stop evolving but since techonology has still yet to be kind enough to enable us with a means of jacking directly into one another's psyches I'll have to assume I'm no more advanced than the next person. Afterall, I've heard crackheads say some pretty damn profound shit before.

So there you have it. Hope you're happy. If you want more visit the following link and click on the drop-down menu then the word Past to reach an archive that dates back to 2001. I'm also on AIM under Corronado333.

http://corronado333.diaryland.com

or take a quiz about me!

http://www.quizie.com/profile.php?id=435835

E Pluribus Unum.