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i am not who i was, nor am i yet who i will be, i have seen things i never wanted to see and done things i never dreamt of doing. i walk along a street and see the shadows of footsteps where i once walked a different person, i look back in saddness but not regret. there's a frozen image of the past stuck in my mind and no one can take it away and i don't want them to. people say i'm stupid, people tell me to let go but you do not know what i feel nor what i think, one day my lifes heaven, the next it's hell but that's the way it's meant to be. i read a book once and it's changed my life, i read another book and it inspired me, i am now reading a book that makes me think on what i have lost and if i cherish people enough. i let people go too easily, i don't want to love because i don't want to get hurt again; i want to be loved again though and i want to love in return but i can never see myself opening up that much ever again, hopefully though, i will. i am sick of not being good enough, i'm tired of being used, i wish i wasn't always a better friend than a girlfriend. people come, people go, some stay, i don't like people going away, no matter who they are. i can fake a smile so well you'd think it was real and i can hide the tears as if they were never there, i miss you and i miss you, nothing will ever be the same again. this is the beginning of my life, you can't take that away from me, soon the corners i turn will no longer hold pain and heartache, i will always be lonely though. who knew? i never thought what has happened would happen, everythings unexpected. i crave the past and i crave the future, the here and now means nothing to me, i am numb inside somewhere, somewhere where it matters, i even hide it from myself in the company of others, when i'm alone nothing is hidden and i think of better people, places and times and it goes away for a short while. what happend? my life will be perfect, i will make it perfect; for perfection you need a little imperfection and i know exactly where to find that, in myself and in others.
i have rather a strange view of life and the world around us, and i belive everyone should think like i do to some extent.
the deconstruction of falling stars
