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I'd like to meet:

HO HO HO-WORDS WE HAVE GROWN accustomed to around a certain time of year. But in Southern Cali it's a word that is far too familiar year round. "Pro Hoes," as we like to call them, have been around for years. They have graced any and all professional sporting events from MMA Fighting to Moto X in their scanty attire, luring the Pros back to their box vans in pathetic hopes of coming Mrs. Pro. The definition of a Pro Hoe is "any female attending a sporting event with the intention of hooking up with an athlete." They come in many shapes, sizes and races, and can be any age. "Pro Moto Hoes" can be found at any event, from Supercross to Arenacross, but in the past years have staked their claim in Freestyle Motocross. There are three classifications of the Pro Hoe, the first one being the "Straggler." This girl doesn't even know she is a hoe yet, she is clueless. She is usually dragged to event by her girlfriend (see the "Hoe-in-Training") wearing her friend's scandalous gear and thinks that every Pro is a really cute "nice guy." She laughs at their jokes, buys them cocktails, and by the end of the night is the last girl that hasn't hooked up because she was just there to have a good time. But with her wingman gone, you can be sure that she will be bouncing on any Superstar of the sport like a low rider in a Dr. Dre video- they can be very persuasive. The next morning, she can't figure out why she is alone in the room and why he doesn't remember her name when she sees him again. Was it something she said? Our next hoe is the "Hoe-in-Training." This one has graduated from Straggler, she has been with a few Pros now and knows the ropes. She gets to the events early, to stalk her prey, flirting with anyone from the photographers, trainers, or mechanics in-order to get all access or pit pass. She is normally accompanied by a Straggler and will pawn her off as early as possible. The Hoe-in-Training sets her sights higher now, usually clinging to someone who has a few fights or placed in the top 5, after the event. She now obtains phone numbers and posts useless messages on her MySpace message board about how she hung out with the guys one night in some random town. Although still clueless, the Hoe-in-Training may just get her big break, a background shot in the next party page in SKINNIE Magazine. A girl can only dream. Our final hoe is the Expert, a specialist whose track record is better than Bruce Jenner's: the "Pro" Pro Hoe. She is only interested in winners and is well-known throughout the industry. She is at every Ultimate Fighting Challenge, King of the Cage, FMX contest, video premiere or demo, and will habitually frequent any night club a Pro may have been spotted or is making a guest appearance. This girl has fighters and riders calling her, they know that she’s an easy target, a sure thing. But she doesn't care. That's what she's there for. She doesn't liger around the next day, she is out of the room before the sun comes up, making it hard to pin point where she was the night before. She is as elusive as a jungle cat, but when the camera is around will jump in any picture to pose for a magazine shot. To get a glimpse of Pro Hoes at work, hang around the hotel lobby between the hours of 8 a.m. and checkout. These are the girls with old makeup and wearing club gear, walking out with shoes in hand. As a rule, you won't catch the "Pro" Pro Hoe here, she is known to pack a bag before coming to these events so as to blend in the next morning with others who are checking out. I told you she is an expert. Where there are MMA Fighters and Moto X there will always be hoes, and I guess if there is any perk to being a Professional Extreme Sport Superstar this is one of them. On behalf of all the guys, I thank you girls for keeping us entertained and satisfied. By Eric www.myspace.com/951drama