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Nicol Kidman, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Paul Potts, John Farnham, Keith Urban, Pink, Paris Hilton, Princess Diana (Too Late)and all my friends on Myspace
Christmas in Oz By Mark ToftIn the middle of summer you would expect no one would want a hot roast Christmas lunch, but the traditionalists still do. Many however have the colder version with all the trimmings.As the temperature rises above 35 degrees Celsius (100 Fahrenheit) and the flies gather for the festive season, the two-legged males arrive at the ‘in-laws’ with a slab (carton of 24 cans) of beer in hand.The female family members have the bits and pieces to add to the smorgasbord of food which is laid out in a meticulous order.Grandma makes a check of the meats as they are placed on the table. Ham, turkey, chicken, lamb, beef..” That should tame the hungry beasts,” she says with a smile.Salads galore are added: Coleslaw, potato salad, bean salad, rice salad, pasta salad, in fact anything with mayonnaise and is made for Christmas is now called….salad.“Grandma, where’s Grandad?” “Oh! He’s probably around somewhere dear, just go and play with the other kids.”“Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!” In walks an elderly man dressed in a Santa suit.The pillow at the front is visible and the beard and wig don’t cover granddad's dark hair.All the kids are excited as there are plenty of presents around the Christmas tree. Some have bits of paper torn from the corner.“Come on everyone gather around the Christmas tree and we will open presents now,” calls Grandma.The angel has a lean, in fact the tree has a lean, but no one cares, as all eyes are focused on the gifts at the base.Grandma makes a head count of children, but everyone waits for Uncle Bob who walks slowly into the lounge room. He struggles to open his eyes as it seems just minutes ago that he had gone to bed.Grandad (oops Santa) starts handing out presents. The paper flies high into the air as if it’s going through the paper shredder.Ooh! Ahh! Wow! Gee! Are the calls as presents are revealed from beneath the pretty Christmas paper.Once a toy is discovered by each of the children, their attention span is gone. Suddenly their name is called out again, and the ripping and tearing of paper can be heard once more.After all the presents are opened the women start the clean up as the children race off to play with their new toys.As time goes by, a call comes from the kitchen… “Lunch is ready!” There is a mad rush to the table as the little ones fight to get the seat next to Grandma or Grandad.The bon-bons crack as they reveal the fashion statement of the day….the Christmas crowns made of coloured crepe paper.There’s so much food, it’s hard to work out where to start, so the ladies start serving children while the men sit back and exchange a joke or two.After the festivities the male population adjourn outside, drag the rubbish bin (the wickets) to the middle of the backyard to play the traditional cricket game.There’s no room to swing a cat, but plenty of room for 10 fielders to huddle around the batsman as the bowler commences his approach.“How’s that!” Is the cry as the ball whizzes past the batsman head. The bowler thumps in again, to release another thunderbolt and there’s contact with the bat… catch it, catch it, but don’t spill your beer, they all scream!As the sun beats down, the men resemble lobsters in shorts and t-shirts sweating like pigs.The females finally arrive in the backyard after the huge wash up. Some join in, others sit sipping their favourite thirst quencher and watching the game.“What’s for dinner?” Comes a cry…as the evening meal is being prepared. Yes!The tradition continues.“Merry Christmas”