About Me
I play in a band.I am married to a real cool lady. (9 years now)My daughter is a bad-ass.She is a tiny, female version of me, complete with an unusually large head.I have a twin brother. We look nothing alike.I am an incredibly fast runner, but I choose not to prove it.I have exceptionally long toes.I am afraid of dead animals.I liked the Transformers movie a lot. A LOT.I don't really like U2 or Led Zeppelin.I like shitty beer and expensive bourbon.I truly believe you ain't a baller 'til you gots your neck tattooed.Actually, I hate Led Zeppelin.I was at the Guns N Roses concert in 1991 that ended up in a riot. The St. Louis one. I have the stub to prove it.Up until age 16, I was a pretty good golfer.I haven't played golf since I was 16.I don't intend to pick it back up again.I can do lots of yo yo tricks, and at one time owned 100's of yo yo's.Fuck you, yo yo's ain't stupid.OK, maybe a little, but it ain't like I collected Hummels or Precious Moments or something.As a youngster, I had several teeth knocked out by a Terry Pendelton foul ball at a St. Louis Cardinals baseball game.I have a degree from a culinary school, and I hardly ever cook.I do not intend on ever growing more emotionally mature than I am right now, and I have been this way since at least 23. Farts are always gonna be funny in this boy's book.I don't like crowds or blue foods.Paradoxically, I prefer to play music in front of large crowds and my favorite pie is blueberry.Me and my wife went to Europe and ate McDonald's and KFC and blew threw the Louvre in like an hour.We also blew off mass with the Pope (midnight mass on Christmas Eve right before he freakin' died) because it was cold and rainy and the Nicholas Cage version of "Gone in 60 Seconds" was on TV dubbed into French.I've never seen that movie in English, and I don't intend to.I don't like honey.I am really allergic to cats.I have a long haired cat named "Butters."I sneeze a lot at home.I love lamp.I was recently told by a doctor that my triglyceride level was at "Holy Shit!" level, so I'm off the dollar menu (for now bitches, for now).I chew Orbitz gums exclusively.I mean it, don't offer me your fucking Extra or Dentyne Ice or I will punch you in the throat.I own one pair of tennis shoes and they have had the tags on them for almost 18 months. (see triglyceride levels above)I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.I (obviously) know all the words to the Humpty Dance by heart.I can tell you where the best corn dog in the world is to be obtained.I have never seen the movie Gone With The Wind, nor do I intend to.I have, however, seen Tommy Boy like 500 times.I have inexplicably seen Skid Row in concert 3 times.I religiously have watched every season of American Idol.I don't like hot liquids or soup. (Except The Colonel's potato-leek soup...my Colonel, not the chicken magnate)I once ate 3 live cicadas for $60. (tastes like asparagus...thanks Smouse!)I once at a live lightning bug for $10. (DOES NOT taste like asparagus...fuck you Smouse!)I have NO sense of direction.I think the monkey (Whiplash) riding the dog in the Taco John's commercials is the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen.I have 25 pairs of the exact same kind of socks. They are black Hanes crew socks and I wear them inside out.I have one pair of white socks.I have not worn the white socks in at least 18 months.I have had more car wrecks than some of you have had birthdays.I hate flying and driving and boats, but I am always ready to go somewhere.I have 20 of the exact same black T shirt. I wear one every day.I fear change.Especially pennies.The government makes me say that I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4, but really I used a pointed stick and this masking tape that I found.I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4
