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I walked by the snack machine a while back and wondered, "Why the hell is there a greasy forehead print on the plexiglass?" I thought maybe someone bent over to get something and hit their head. Maybe it was a freak accident and someone tripped on a candy bar wrapper, to meet the plastic front of snack machine doom. Someone could have possibly jumped in line in front of another co-worker and purchased the only remaining pack of twinkies, and received a massive wedgie that threw them head-first into the window. Either way things went, it just wouldn't make sense.Today was another story. The snack fairy had delivered a cornucopia of refreshment goodness. Windows were cleaned, stickers from disgruntled workers demanding their change back were removed. Sodas and candies from planets far and near were smiling at me, begging me to indulge myself.Without singles, I was left to get change for a 5 dollar bill in quarters. Seconds later I found myself in a position that every junkie has been in before. "Hmm... twix.. no, too chocolatey... Doritos... no... too salty. no candy bars... no chips.." and there it was, the perfect collection of junk food happiness... The last bag of strawberry shortbread cookies. Semi-soft cookie with a spot of chewy strawberry filling. "Yes, this is what I want," I thought, throwing in my quarters and making sure to hit the right buttons... E.... and my fingers trembling with anticipation.... 7... The coil spins pushing out my bag of sweet...... "Goddamnit." *thud* This is the part where I realize how a grease spot forms on the front of a snack machine, peeling my forehead from the glass. Held on by a 5 millimeter piece of plastic, the bag stares back at me KNOWING that I have more than one choice to make. I take a look around to see if anyone's near and knee the bastard. He only mocks me. I tilt the machine back as much as I can and realize that snacks must weigh a metric ton. It doesn't budge.Suddenly I'm left with a decision to flee or fight. I'm somewhat hungry.. I need a little sugar, so I have to decide what the factor will be. 1 level up lies the twinkies. A direct fall down to the bag of shortcakes should definately hit it, even a slight tragectory miscalculation would still have enough velocity to knock the bag from it's grip on survival. Up 3 levels is the mother of all snacks... The Sticky Honey Bun. Arteries cringe and diabetics convulse at the sight of these monsters. Weighing in at over a pound... slimey and sticky, it would definately hit the asshole, but who wants to walk down a hallway with a bag of cookies and a sticky bun the size of your face. Lord knows it won't fit in your pocket, and everyone will wonder what the hell is wrong with you as you walk by... "Look at that dumbass, why doesn't he go to the cafeteria and buy a sandwich?"Nonetheless, I'm left with the twinkies. D...7.. spins... spins... the corkscrew spins the twinky off camber to the left and misses it completely. "Screw it".. I walk down the hall with a V8 and bag of twinkies feeling pissed at the world and incomplete because of the cards I had been dealt. I turned the corner and asked if anyone wanted twinkies, thinking that someone actually would and I would have the excuse to go retrieve that bastard of a bag. At the last second, a co-worker told me he would take them, as he walked out the door for the day. He ripped the bag open, I walked down the hall to my cubicle and put down my drink. I take the lone walk back to the evil snack machine, change in hand, to hear "Hungry are ya?"As I round the corner I see a man with full smile.. walking out the door with a sticky bun and bag of shortbread cookies yelling, "It's two for one day!"F..$k you, snack fairy.