derek profile picture

derek

I am here for Friends

About Me

I hate listening to peoples dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care.
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

My Interests

I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule

I'd like to meet:

Johnny Cash and Big Bird

Music:

classic rock(the doors, led zepplin, pink floyd, the who, etc.),punk rock(the ramones, the sex pistols, NOFX, rancid, etc.),rockabilly(the reverend horton heat, tiger army, the southerners, the scotchgreens, etc.)indie rock(murder city devils, franz ferdinand, etc.),johnny cash(johnny cash),not rap(not rap)

Movies:

The Simpsons MovieDirty Work, The Big Lebowski, Saving Private Ryan, Patton, Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Bob Roberts, Men with Brooms, Suicide Kings, Se7en, Salton Sea, We Were Soldiers, 12 Monkys, The Patriot, Cannibal! The Musical,Gladiator, The Boondock Saints, Fight Club, The Dirty Dozen(the one with Lee Marvin), Platoon, Get Shorty, American History X, SLC Punk, Bubba Ho-Tep,Indiana Jones, X Men, Black Hawk Down, Full Metal Jacket, Resivour Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Braveheart, The Good The Bad and The Ugly, Saw,

Batman BeginsTombstone, Office Space, Oceans 11, Death to Smoochy,Clerks,The Longest Yard,4 Brothers,

Jarhead,

Walk The Line

Television:

The Simpsons, Connan O'Brien, King of the Hill, Comedy Central Presents, My Name is Earl, Boston Legal, Ed vs. Spencer

Books:

Novels: Fight Club One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest Thank You for Smoking Geek Love Jurassic Park Pet Semetary White Fang Oroonoko Alice in Wonderland Let the Dogs Drive Of Mice and MenShort Stories: The Man in the Black Suit The Lottery The Man who Corrupted Hadleyburg Souls Belated Benito Cereno The Tell-Tale Heart The Black Cat Young Goodman Brown The Outcast of Poker Flat The Blue Hotel Under the Lion's Paw Schrodinger's Cat A Rose for Emily Winter Dreams Babylon Revisited Hills like White Elephants Heart of Darkness Poetry: The Raven "Success is counted sweetest..." The Rape of the Lock The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd I, too

Heroes:

heros are nice, but i perfer hoggies and grinders

My Blog

Last Will and Testi-ment

To the following people i bequith, through horrible grammar and bad spelling, the following things (by the way i totally stole this idea from jason monday) Patrick Batchelder - My truck, that way you...
Posted by derek on Wed, 24 Oct 2007 12:07:00 PST

alone

Alone I am a lost child.My sun blond hair shines on my shoulders.I can see in my own eyes reflected in the mirror.A girl should see blue eyes and...
Posted by derek on Fri, 18 May 2007 10:51:00 PST

waiting room

Waiting RoomAcross from me is a girl.Green apple eyes ripen,Red hair like autumn leaves,Orange freckles of ember.The way her legs cross each other,Under her loose, white skirt,Make me want her.The way...
Posted by derek on Thu, 17 May 2007 12:06:00 PST

epic drinking night

Epic Drinking Night  Lick, sip, suckAye Dios mio!RepeatMy insides burn like a Jalisco afternoon Rum splashes in the glassCaribbean waves drink the sunsetThe room moves like a ...
Posted by derek on Thu, 17 May 2007 12:00:00 PST

reach! the lecture musical

As seen on Break.com...
Posted by derek on Fri, 28 Apr 2006 02:18:00 PST

my version of the aristocrats joke (it is not for the weak of heart, youve been warned!)

so there is this talent agent. he is finishing a long days work and there is one more act he has to see. hes pretty tired and a little annoyed that he had one more act to see. well none the less he h...
Posted by derek on Wed, 16 Nov 2005 05:27:00 PST

ranting and raving about birthday cards

hey im just throwing this out there. i was thinking about my birthday, november 29th. *hint hint* and was thinking... i hate birthday cards. soo much. birthday cards are worthless. realy. truly fucki...
Posted by derek on Mon, 07 Nov 2005 01:46:00 PST

my dick is so big.....

Pat Magroin311: my penis is so big it was on friends Pat Magroin311: my penis is so big that it got its own sitcom, penis of 5 Pat Magroin311: my penis is so big that woman every where cryed when it...
Posted by derek on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

night of the bayonet

The night was filled with dark and cold, When Sergeant Talbot the story is told, Pulled out his poncho and headed out, To check the lines dressed like a Krout, Upon a trooper our hero came, F...
Posted by derek on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

100 worst porno names.. EVER!!

these porno names are catagorized into five groups: gross, groan, stupid, what the hell, and the porn store clerk laughed at me. i wish i was smart enough to think of these myself. or have the pati...
Posted by derek on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST