It all started like this. After being sacked from his job at the nudie bar, for not hitting on the women, Ricardo Panties decided to form a band with his flatmate Je'sus Panties. Neither of them could play an instrument and there was a fight to see who would sing. Ricardo won. They quickly found a drummer in Peter Panties, a former panty-sniffer from way back, who was on parole for a spate of washing line incidents in Miramar. Add to the mix, alcoholic interweb hacker Si Panties and the band was complete.
After the first practice Je'sus Panties was sacked, supposedly for the reason that he was completely incompetent on the bass, but there is a bigger story there. Perhaps one day it will be told. The Panties then found an able replacement in Smokey Panties, a renegade drummer from the bushes of Wanganui.
After this The Panties gelled and tracks oozed from Ricardo like white stuff in big spurts. Mingers, Untold Trouble, Wahine (about a soon to be ex-girlfriend), Cher (about all of Ricardo's girlfriends who like Pearl Jam), Girth (a love song about a man and his penis).
With Peter Panties about to leave the country to escape a new arrest warrant for you guessed it, The Panties set out to record an EP, Do Yourselfs In, with Dan Loughnan, the producer extraordinaire behind the Fanta Baby EP, and the bass player in The Unusuals, 4 tracks were laid and 3 were finished. And then they broke up, buckling under the weight of their own greatness as New Zealand's dirtiest 'cock n roll' band.
This is what you are listening to, the lost tracks of The Panties. They have laid low in an undies drawer as The Panties have found themselves blacklisted by every media outlet in New Zealand. Until now.
So grab these tracks, wrap 'em around yourselfs, give them a good sniff and do yourselfs in. Coz rock n roll has never sounded this bad.
(taken from 'Great Rock Bands you've never heard of' by C. Guest)
