BaD.AsHcY.AngEL

i was once faced with soooo much anticipation in all aspects.... mahirap kasi i-accept na you're like that and soooo much like that.... people will judge you soooo quickly "na akala mo YOU never done something good in your whole life, but to admit the truth.... pays a lot.... minsan may mabuting naidulot pero theres more negative views that you'll get than the good ones.... ??YOU??KNOW??WHAT?? i hate being WHO i am right now....!! and i just can't hide the fact that its hurting me always to realize what will happen "if i'll just SET the truth free" -- maraming masasaktan.... magagalit....manghihinayang....and most of all i'm thinking of my family.. -- their reaction, thinkin' of what will they say (if im gonna admit it), their inner emotions, over-all feelings (im afraid of what will they say 'bout me, towards WHO really am i) and MOST of all their JUDGEMENT.... Pero as i keep the truth more secretly, "it definitely hurts...."YOU guys are somehow, maybe, CONFUSED on what am i saying right now.... all i can say IS "so am i...."BASICALLY, after you read what i've just wrote.... some of you will think that i have this HUGE secret that as LONG as i keep it (won't make me happy) will make my whole life ahead UGLY.... some of you is thinking and asking what IS THAT?? (can't say right now) "but all i know that theres a time for that to say, like everyone says that theres no SECRET that you can hide for life...." all i know RIGHT this very moment of my life -- "the season of my life, where i get soooo much confused everyday...." -- all i know -- is i'm trying TO AVOID it.... coping to live a normal life.... i always say this to myself "i need to be normal" -- i wanted though its really really tough.... and to be NORMAL i need to be bonded with NORMAL as well.??WHY??AM??I??LIKE??THIS?? If GOD created each one of US according to HIS desire and own will.... Why Am I Like This? Does it mean that GOD accepts me for who really am i "in HIS eyes"? i know that GOD can see me INSIDE and OUT, that i can't hide anything from HIM.... HE can even read my mind.... and feel what i'm feeling right now.... but i also doubt if GOD can accept me too.... I had any proof that GOD only created what HE did.... no more....no less.... and its a sin if i decided to take the path i've always dreamt.... I could burn in HELL, if thats the case....Pero paano ako ngayon.... HOW 'bout this thing INSIDE me.... that i've always wanna shout to people JUST to free myself....I guess I just have to deal everyday with the same CRISIS...."I Do Not Need A Reason To Be Angry With GOD...."pag-pasensiyahan NIYO na 'ko.... kung naging SENTI ako ngayon.... PANGAKO 'd na mauulit.... "i just have to""Theres Always A Time For Everyting...."