To say the least... "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."I can't seem to fall out of love. I've tried everything, but it's starting to seem hopeless. I have a past that I don't exactly like or respect, but it's livable for the moment. I appear way more confident than I actually am. I am just recently getting over my shyness and I really like where that's going. I can't see myself with any type of future. Some might say I am in denial about growing up. I would have to agree. I use the word love way too losely and wish I could stop. Same for the word hate. I take the Lord's name in vain and I don't like that much either. I am very passionate about a couple of things but wish i could find that one thing that drives me. I have many things about myself that I want to change but very little motivation to get up and do it. I fear change. I fear being alone. I get the sense that I will somehow end up alone and unmarried without anyone to love me and no one will know I exist. Not many people know who I am anyways. I really love the stars, I am fascinated by them. They remind me of one specific thing, which is a downer, but they're still beautiful. I also love the rain. Anyone who kisses me in the rain will probably have my heart forever, and extra points to the guy who can find a rainy night where you can still see the stars. I am a mix between a country girl and a big city girl and hate anywhere inbetween. I am very picky about everything, not in a bratty way, I just know what I like. I tend to fight very hard for what I believe in and think that this is a very good quality. I love listening to what people have to say and have been told im good for cheering people up and offering advise. And if I can't fix your situation or make you feel better about it, than at least ill be right there by your side as you go through it. I really wish i could sing well. I try to sing, but that usually doesn't work out so well. Ive considered the life of a stripper for my career path. Not as a joke either. The good ones make a lot of money. Plus, I think it'd be fun. There are few people in my life who I know I would not be able to live without. I thought there were more, but I've proved that I can surivive with minimal contact. Not that I'm surviving happily at all, because it actually hurts a lot, but I'm surviving none the less. I don't trust people easily but love when people trust me. It makes me feel like they're safe and that comforts me. I'm a weird person and most people like that. I am random and loud and while i can be obnoxious at times I am pretty fun. I have a lot of crushes but tend to get bored unless I like someone a lot. I also tend to want what I can't have. That either goes into me getting what i want and then getting bored or not getting what i want and losing a tiny bit of self esteem. I fell in love a long time ago and it spoiled me. I hate the idea of someone not caring about me. I hate the idea of anyone not being cared about. I hate a lot of things. I love a lot of things too. I miss more things than both of those catagories combined. I wish I could live one day in the life of the boy from Perks of Being a Wallflower. Really."“I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why.â€"Then I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be.""If I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that are people starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they are upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't change the fact that you have what you have."I guess all I really want is someone to want me. And I mean to really really crave, desire, and live for me. I want to be seen as beautiful instead of hot. Witty instead of funny. Sweet instead of nice. Cute instead of pretty. Memorable. Worth the fight. Worth everything. Loved. I guess I'm asking for a lot, and its not that I have high standards, its that love is worth it in the end.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Jayne
Birthday: November 30th
Birthplace: Austin, Tejas
Current Location: Austin, Tejas
Eye Color: Blue blue/ Green blue/ Gray
Hair Color: RED
Height: oh about 5'8" but I want sooo bad to be 5'10"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right handed, but left handed is cuter.
Your Heritage: Ohh somewhere on that island in Europe. Irish. English. Who really knows.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Brown reefs
Your Weakness: Well, cute smiles, ice cream, backs, tight hugs, and stacey's "sad face"
Your Fears: Being alone, being forgotten, growing up, forgetting, what comes after death (not death itself).
Your Perfect Pizza: Veggie.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Happiness.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "haha oh man" or "oh well..."
Thoughts First Waking Up: gross gross gross
Your Best Physical Feature: umm... I like my shoulders.
Your Bedtime: Whenever I want.
Your Most Missed Memory: Hmm. Being young, and not knowing it.
Pepsi or Coke: Neither.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Neither if I could choose.
Single or Group Dates: Single dates. Groups with friends.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Sweet Leaf. Duh.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla. (mexican vanilla specifically).
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Do I smoke what?, is the real question.
Do you Swear: Unfortunately.
Do you Sing: In the shower and at church.
Do you Shower Daily: Yes.
Have you Been in Love:
Do you want to go to College: I think so.
Do you want to get Married: Eventually, yes.
Do you belive in yourself: Not as much as I'd like.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Not usually.
Do you think you are Attractive: Not really. Not in comparison to most people.
Are you a Health Freak: No, but I wish I were.
Do you get along with your Parents: I get along with my dad.
Do you like Thunderstorms: I live for thunderstorms.
Do you play an Instrument: Nope.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I needed it.
In the past month have you Smoked: Umm.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Umm.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Nope.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I actually don't think I have.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nope, haven't had an oreo in forever.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Nope.
In the past month have you been on Stage: No, I don't think I have.
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nope.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Yes I have. With LARA heeh. I love Jesus Camp.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Yepp. I have. With LARA. Again, it was at Jesus Camp.
Ever been Drunk: Yes
Ever been called a Tease: Yes
Ever been Beaten up: Yes, but it was unfair. I had on a skirt, and Hannah had on spandex pants.
Ever Shoplifted: Yes, at Jesus Camp with LARA.
How do you want to Die: At the age of 96, jumping out of a plane naked without a parachute while on a very high dosage of extacy.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Im never growing up.
What country would you most like to Visit: Costa Rica.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Green/brown and blue blue.
Favourite Hair Color: brown.
Short or Long Hair: whatever looks good
Height: taller than me. 6ft or so is very very good.
Weight: hah more than me.
Best Clothing Style: I guess whatever works.
Number of Drugs I have taken: uno
Number of CDs I own: a bajillion
Number of Piercings: one, belly button only.
Number of Tattoos: none yet.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: oh let me count... (we'd be here all day).
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!"DUM SPIRO, SPERO"... "WHILE I BREATH, I HOPE"
