HELLO!!! I am Jake, but my online name is Stromstedt. I like doing a lot of random shit, seriously. I also make a lot of sexual innuendos and say a lot of disgusting things. Once you get past that fact about me, we will be together like stink on shit. I have a lot of weird quotes, and I have an odd, sexual sense of humor. A lot of people find it disgusting, but seriously don't take it offensively. I love myself. I love myself so much that if I weren't me, I'd fuck myself. I love the Philippines a lot! That was like the coolest place I have ever been in my life aside from the drama it stirred up. I want to go back one day and see the Eraserheads and Cueshé because those are my favorite Filipino bands!
God, I'm so hot... Sometimes, I just look in the mirror at myself and think, "You know what? You're just so fucking sexy." A lot of people call me fat, but I'm not really fat... It's just an illusion, I promise. Have I scared you off yet? There is only one mother fucker I can't just scare away, his name is Zach, and he is an idiot. Sometimes we get really drunk and purposely abuse each other. No, not sexually abusive... I'm not gay and neither is he, but god... I can't get rid of him. He has a face only a mother could love and if he was a stranger I would probably kick him the nuts just for fun.
I just recently switched majors AGAIN! I am now going to Indiana University-Purdue University of Indianapolis. My major is "Teaching English as a Second Language" and it sounds really fucking fun! I want to travel the world and be places most mother fuckers will probably never go. I need $2,000 to go back so please feel free to donate if you're rich. Even if you're not rich, I'll still accept it with a smile and pay you back with a big fucking kiss. I like going to car accidents and eating sandwiches like it is picnic time. Have you ever thought of yourself as one stunning son of a bitch? I have. I am a pretty fucking optimistic person and I try not to let anybody get me down. I haven't mastered this practice yet, but I'm still working on it. If you can only drink 2 beers and you're a male, I'll probably laugh at you and call you pussy.
Personally, one of my favorite fantasies of myself is to masturbate with scissors. Something about cutting the dorsal vein of my peter just sounds exciting. OK... Not really, I'm just joking... Seriously... Cutting your peter just doesn't sound fun. I was just giving you sample at my crude sense of humor. Don't try that unless you really want to never play with yourself or have kids.
I work at FedEx. I have a pretty fucking cool job title. I wish the pay was as cool as the title. I mean, who can go to work and say, "I'm a Dangerous Goods Agent!" That is a pretty fucking cool title. My friends at work just call me either "Dangerous" or "Mr. Dangerous", and I have to admit that it's an orgasmic experience being "Mr. Dangerous"! My job is to mainly do paperwork and keep everything legal with FedEx and the FAA.
My favorite beer is Heineken. I only really like imported beers, but if I have to I'll drink Busch or Bud Select. I don't drink light beer because I'm not a fucking pussy. Yeah, I'll get fat but I can at least laugh at you being gay. Some of my other favorite beers are Newcastle (England), Peroni (Italy), Tsingtao (Hong Kong), Red Horse (Philippines), San Miguel (Philippines), Mickey's (Wisconsin), Becks (Germany), Paulaner (Germany), Oktoberfest (Germany, not that fucking Sam Adams shit... I'm talking about the real stuff), St. Pauli Girl (Germany), Guinness (Ireland), Grolsch (Holland), Sam Adams Winter Lager (I don't even fucking where that's from and I don't care), Hefeweizen (Germany), and I can't really think of anything else. I like a lot more, but I can't fucking remember. I personally like to buy the 5 liter Heineken DraughtKegs. I'm working on a pyramid of Heineken kegs... I wish they were all full again, but I know this dream will never true. I drink so much Heineken, I even called it Keineken once from drinking too much Heineken. I like to get really blitzed and fuck with peoples' mind and emotions.
I'm straight, not a fag. Girls are so hot. I don't know what it is about them. Maybe it is their Bohemian Medicine Balls, or maybe it is their caboose. I have no clue and I can't really pick or choose one over the other. Japanese women are hot and they definitely know how to party, that's why I'm going to Japan to teach English before I go anywhere else to teach. I want to try this "Potato liquor/beer" they have. I heard it has a little bit of a sweet taste. If that is true, it sounds fucking disgusting, but I need to experience it for myself to believe it. I consider myself as a true connoisseur of alcohol.
I love you.
