I’ve been living out in Chapel Hill for three years now, and in that time I’ve become acquainted with most of the conventions that accompany life here in Dixie. I am slowly learning to appreciate the south. I can say that I now enjoy a little sugar in my ice tea, as well as humping livestock. So if you own a goat, that's a plus! I'm also developing a love for Wal-Mart, NASCAR, and moonshine.
I'm affable, stoic, vaguely enigmatic, and into using big words. But if you catch me while I'm on, you'll find me dancing on tables, and playing my air guitar like the 80's never ended.
I usually laugh at inappropriate times. I'm 26 and I still like to chase lizards when I see them, and not much else has changed for me since the 3rd grade. I still punch girls in the arm, then snicker and run away if I like them. I don't like cats. I used to have a snake but it bit the shit out of me and I debated making it into stew. I gave it to my sister instead; it bit her too.
I often have delusions of grandeur, and regularly fantasize about being a tennis-star/entrepreneur/comedian/philanthropist/hit man for the mob/pro snowboarder/musician/writer/man of leisure. I'm constantly day dreaming and I live in my own head; I’m the only tenant allowed, I like it quiet, and I usually walk around naked.
I think that being twenty something, you're basically a walking contradiction. Everyone's trying to finish college, or launch their career, or find the perfect relationship. One month you're vegan and doing yoga, the next month you're going to Vegas and pulling a three day bender with a stripper named Josephine and a paraplegic midget. There's a lot of inherent uncertainty, and it seems like everyone I know is going through some kind of emotional turmoil or anxiety regarding their future at this point. They're always kicking themselves for not being where they want to be, or for taking a cash advance on their credit card to buy more pot (the latter probably warrants some concern).
The point is, regardless of how together I may think someone has got their shit the truth is that we're all just scared little bitches who feel disconnected from each other, and want something substantial. This is not the case for me personally. I don't really worry too much, and the only subtance I need comes from my butthole. Now, before you go getting all Dr. Phil on me, I realize that I'm contradicting myself, but I have already conceded that point in the last paragraph, so it's basically moot. Besides, worrying makes you look old, and I’ve always been of the mindset that if things don’t work out for me, I'll just move to the San Fernando valley and make porn. That or drug Japanese tourists and sell their organs on the black market. Either one of those works for me. My guidance counselor said that they both have pretty good 401k plans and paid vacations. As for younger persons reading this, my advice to you is this: aim low, you’ll be less likely to get depressed and become a burden on your friends and the health care system.
I'm studying business because I like to exploit the indigenous peoples of third world countries and force them to work long hours with no light for less than the cost of a stamp. But I'd call that more of my hobby because what I really want to do is dance, as in the Lambada. Eventually I'd like to make it big and then take my act to the white house where I get to perform for the president and inspire him to create world peace through the enchanting poetry of my torso and legs.
I'm also painfully shy, and I only like to play with with my gi joes, we have tea parties.
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