*~* That about sums it up*~*
*~* BLOOD it sets my teeth on edge other times it controls the chaos*~*
*~* My name is ApRiL* I am one big walking chemical reaction
a buzzing hive of cell synapsis and nacent self perception
I am just a blinking neon roadside attraction
I sow future wrinkles and I’m told I’m untapped potential..
I'm 30/Femme Lesbian/ with Sanguinarian Vampyre & Wiccan beliefs and practices/ I'm living in Beechview,Pa. I just recently(Dec. 26th) lost my last girlfriend of 9 years to suicide. It's been a tough road but i'm taking it day by day. I couldn't be getting through this time without a very special woman at my side now ' Crystal' ...She has been here for me through good and bad and has never done anything but try and build my self confidence up.I'm pretty much a loner, i spend a lot of my time in my own head, a dreamer and a thinker,sleep deprived,insomniac..I'm obsessed with the sky and space. I don't believe in time. I try to find the beauty in everything good and bad. Daydream much too often...might bother you, doesn't bother me. If you sink past my first few layers and uncover the depths of me, you'll be pleasantly surprised ... I kinda have a phobia of the public, I usually just like relaxing at my house or with friends...
I'm on a journey to find out how the world works and what is ACTUAL reality. I'm looking to "cleanse my doors of perception." I want to see things how they ought to be seen. I want to be on the same level as whatever it is I am looking at or touching or feeling and I want it to be on my level. I am that and it is me. I want to make the connection between myself and life and nature and the universe tangible. I want to touch, taste, inhale, inject, and understand the spirit of all the things that we overlook in our selfish, ignorant, overly influenced ways. Most likely, you see the world how you have been taught to see it. I want to break free of what I have been taught to see and to think and I want to see and think how I am supposed to, before humankind, materialism, emotion, education, and politics clouded my view of things. I am nothing and I am everything, and all that matters is that I understand that..I do to my body as i will, sometimes i destroy other times through disaster comes new and higher levels of consciousness...
I tend to have a small group of friends because honestly i don't trust many people with anything involving my life so it's hard for people to know the real me in a way, to many layers to little time..
I can have a personality at times if you don't like it shove off! And always be sure what personality you are talking to i tend to have many * Evil Grin* I can be an emotional cripple lacking in mirror neurons due to childhood trama but i truely am a sweetheart deep down but with homicidal tendencies if put in the wrong mood...BEWARE! ohhh i bet youre scared now! :)
My passion for photography gets me out,Photography is another addiction of mine i see anything that catches my eye and i have to shoot :)... One of my favorite things is i love driving around aimlessly from place to place just stopping to take pics and getting lost in deep woods feeling like im the only person alive, the world seems so overpopulated at times..i need to get AWAY i need to get AWAY!!!!!
I tend to get in the mood for adventure and break free..I'm a walking contradiction! Damn Libras! I do have my faults but dont we all.. I have strengths as well so like everything its balanced.. I don't smoke cigs anymore but i have been an herbalist for many years now,i love to light some of my fav incense (Superhit,Natural,or Nag)Inhale,Exhale,Swallow,Sniff,Inject my silent suffering away and it puts me in that mellow, trance like mood and state of mind im addicted to and need to get through my life so it's worth it, deep down i'm still a good person just dealing with demons...I'm a collector of horror movies cant get enough of them...i also collect weapons of all sorts as well as ritual tools....And yes i actually know how to use them not just stare at them hung on my wall... I have an obsession with storms of all types but especially Lightning Storms.
I have OCD when it comes to cleaning gets kinda crazy at times but at least i accomplish something while being neurotic...I love the feeling of being under the needle (AKA Ink) i have 7 tats now and hopefully one day i would like to have at least one full arm sleeve...Getting ink is like a ritual experience to me i love the feeling of total calmness and relaxation your mind and body gets set it when your natural painkillers kick in gotta love endorphins...Meditation is the cure that saves me now without it i am not myself. And of course music, listening and playing always calms the stress levels :) I like to sing, play drums, guitar, bass, keyboard, etc. pretty much anything that can jam :) I have many interest as you can see but i can only say so much on here and i think ive said to much already so if you'd like to know more just send me a message and i'll get back to you.
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