2336785

first off: don't get the wrong idea... I PROBABLY HATE YOU. i hate pretty much everything except for pizza. if i do find something i like, i'd say 90% of the time, i actually hate it but haven't figured it out yet. (that thing about my dog and the popcorn bag used to be here, but due to the protests of animal rights activists, i've taken it down) i say good afternoon no matter what time it is, except for at noon, since that's the only time that isn't afternoon (another theory for this phenomenon is the fact that i rarely ever used to be awake in the morning). i'm a soft spoken person for the most part, but i'm very easily riled. i don't take losing well at all (and some would say i don't take winning well either, but they'd be lying). i don't make eye contact most of the time cause eye contact is weird and makes me feel like running away for some reason. i do tend to stare, though. i'm apparently anti-social, but i'm ok with that because society sucks anyway. when has society ever done anything good for you before? exactly. i've currently in my possession a guitar, a computer, a cell phone, and a few dollars, but no longer do i have a ford probe style automobile (r.i.p.: frosty, 1988-2004). i don't smoke, and i don't do drugs. i just don't feel the need to do so. however, i've recently taken up alcoholic beverage consumption. it's not that bad. i think i act more wasted than i actually am when i drink, and i act pretty weird sober, so people don't exactly get it most of the time, but apparently i'm pretty awesome drunk, so i figure i'll keep it up for a while. at one point in the last few years, i'm pretty sure that i signed an online petition to have the word queef put in the dictionary. it might have been a dream, who knows. one time i had a dream that cheech marin was the voice of a sock puppet of sonic the hedgehog. so... i don't know where i was going with that, but it was a really weird dream. i write in very plain terms so as to connect with everyone, but in reality, i'm just about the wittiest motherfucker you'll ever meet. and yes, i can be ridiculously arrogant, but don't worry, some day you might be as awesome as i am. just keep drinking your milk. i despise improper grammar, spelling and word usage. i usually give the finger to people who abbreviate. on that note, when used in moderation, CAPS FUCKING RULES (and so do parentheses). to give you an example of how furious i can become, how bad i am at waking up, and how much i hate things that wake me up in two tidy stories: in high school, i got really pissed off at my alarm clock for not waking me up in time to catch the bus, so while i was waiting for my mom to drive me to school, i ripped my clock out of the wall and beat the fuck out of it with a fireplace poker. a few years later during my ill fated attempt at college, my grandmother woke me up by pouring water on me... my instinctual reaction was to throttle her. luckily (for her at least), i am also severely disoriented when i wake up, so i only managed to make a lot of angry noises and flail my arms around at her. never in my life have i been as angry as i was then, except for maybe when they cancelled arrested development or this one time someone called me a dilettante. bad moves on both counts. this next part is really serious... it's something that i've been struggling with for a while now. i feel the need to beat those flash ads where you have to click it like a million times to win the tug of war or punch out george w. bush... i just... i don't know what comes over me. i have been hit by a car on multiple occasions, both walking and riding my bike. it's not that i don't pay attention, it's just that i expect people to not be fucking idiots, something that i'm proven wrong about over upon over.i currently while most of my time away serving ingrates shitty microwaved food at a faux italian restaurant. please don't come visit me on a friday or saturday, i need to make money on those days. when it comes to doing things that aren't borne out of necessity, i prefer viewing films, attending music shows, dancing, playing nintendo from time to time. i like swearing as well, swearing is fun. if you buy me a pizza i'll be your best friend. and i might even kiss you (yes, even if you are a dude, so watch out). if you'd like to instant message me [aim=nintendoxtapes], know that i have a warped sense of humor (that only i get apparently) and i'm almost certainly going to make fun of the way you type. anyway. enough about me.