Are you tired of sitting in school listening to your teacher drone on and on about stuff you can't even see? Are you tired of the fat kid behind you burping up his lunch and then exclaiming "whew. that sure tasted better the first time!"? Are you tired of that girl beside you who's always chomping her gum as if it's trying to jump out of her mouth? Are you tired of that ditzy cheerleader talking about some girl's big butt or how some other girl wore the exact same skirt two weeks ago while using "like" to describe everything? Well, we may have the answer to your problem! The "Sockmuff" is a new type of earmuff that fits to the contours of your ear. By incorporating top secret, inovative technologies, the sockmuff allows you to block out virtually everything! Nagging mother? no ploblem! Pesky little brother? Easy! Annoying construction workers? say goodnight! You'll sleep well tonight. The sockmuff's soft body and tube-sock like shape fits comfortable around your head and serves as a built-in pillow. You can sleep anywhere! The sockmuff works by using "suction action" to attach itself to your ears. The air in your ear is then slowly pumped out while some of the sockmuff material fills your ear canal until there is absolutely no way you can hear!* Order now and receive TWO FREE fingercuffs. you're index fingers will never be cold again (nor will they come apart). So call now! and for only 19.95** you could never hear again!
This infomerical is brought to you, in part, by socks. wear them. they keep your legs warm.
*there's a 50% chance that you will go deaf. In two cases the ears had to be removed in order to remove the sockmuff. Illegal everywhere except select parts in California and Louisiana.
**per day for 2 years.
