Channel 4 News Team

Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen....................................................CA NNONBALL!
The following is based on actual events. Only the names, locations and events have been changed.
There was a time, a time before cable. When the local anchorman reigned supreme. When people believed everythingthey heard on TV. This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news. And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man then the rest. His name was Ron Burgundy. He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits so fine they made Sinatra look like a hobo. In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls.

Ron Burgundy

"I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deal. People know me. I'm very important, uh...I have many leather bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I'm friends with Merlin Olsen too. He comes over, on occasion".

Now meet the rest of the team.

Brian Fantana:

"People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang."

Brick Tamland:

"Hi! I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded."

Champ Kind:

"Champ here, I'm all about havin fun! Get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someones kitchen, maybe go to sea world and take my pants off, anyway I've become kinda famous for my signature catch frase WHAMMMY!"

Veroncia Corningstone:

"Women ask me how I put up with it. Well truth is, I don't really have a choice. This is definitely a man's world. But while they're laughing and grab-assing, I'm chasing down leads and practicing my non-regional diction. Cause the only way to win, is to be the best...the Very best."