I'm a member of Burlesque Cheerleading Sensations, The Cock-Ts and 2good4u, the world's first all-girl boy band. I don't usually talk about myself in the third person, but I am far too lazy to write anything original at this moment, so my funnybitches.com bio will have to do...
"Eileen grew up on the mean streets of Brooklyn. She had her first big break during Herricks High School's production of Grease when she was almost cast as Rizzo ... until the director discovered she couldn't sing along with the out-of-tune piano and pianist who couldn't decide in which key to play. Being a plucky gal with a "never say die" attitude, she set out to prove the director wrong. She supported herself by writing teleplays for 21 Jump Street, Remington Steele, and Head of the Class. After years of training at all the finest karaoke schools on the East Coast... and The Dublin Pub, Eileen packed her bags and headed west to fulfill her dream. She is currently hosting the best night of Karaoke on the West Coast at Annie's Social Club. All Eileen can say to her childhood tormentors is this: "If it wasn't for your total lack of faith in me, I'd probably be a soccer mom on Long Island, fantasizing about an affair with the gardener, pool man, tennis pro ..."
Turn-ons: almost anything with cherries or red chinese dragons on it, halter tops, rhinestones, glitter, vintage glass martini shakers, cool cocktail glasses, torch songs, funky platform shoes, the color red, karaoke, nerdy guys...
Turn-offs: pretentious hipsters, paying seven bucks for a shitty and weak cocktail, long-sleeved turtlenecks, flat shoes, the color beige