Celmer Tested, Mother Approved

About Me

I'm your not-so-typical upbeat, crowd-pleasing, go with the flow, seasoned SO-Cal guy who's lived in every county of San Diego from north to south. From there moved to west side Maui, Hawai'i in a little town called LaHaina. Enjoyed the beaches, brew, and beautiful women before getting some more travel under my belt. After tropical paradise I had a brief stint in San Antonio, Texas where I learned country music isn't as bad as I thought it was, and even learned a little two-step. Leaving the US behind, I bounced to action-packed Korea for a little snowboarding and New Years partying, and hit some Thailand for some soul searching and awesome mysticism. After that Oriental excursion I headed across the globe to Spain; where I'm currently staying near Sevilla, checking out Portugal, and definately partying like a rockstar across Europe in general.
Interest-wise: To say I'm an avid reader would be a gross understatement. My tastes aren't restricted by genre or fictional status and my personal library is beginning to rival that of Alexandria's. Adrenaline is my 6th food group and I can't help but frequently put myself in situations that afterwards require extended periods of recuperation. I wouldn't really say I can dance, as much as "rock the floor" to anything with rhythm. Lastly, I'm a bit of a reclusive extrovert, which Merriam-Webster says isn't possible, but I have a habit of disobeying the laws of thermodynamics, physics, and reason.
Right now I'm at the stage of my life that could be considered "in the trenches". Meaning I'm currently busying myself with all the work that'll pay off years down the line, getting my hands dirty, and pulling long hours. I'm not expecting the woman of my dreams to come bounding out of nowhere, considering the only things I have to offer right now are persistance and integrity. What I appreciate this site for is its motivation; that the majority of the women I've seen here are both beautiful and successful, and just how much more sweat I have to shed to meet some high expectations. I'm in it for the long haul, and have few qualms about a long standing single life to finally hit pay-dirt in the end. I don't plan on being a bajillionaire, or obscenely famous/popular, but I despise not being the best, and the word "quit" isn't even in my vocabulary. Or in the words of some famous dead General (who is my hero actually): "I do not fear failure. I only fear the 'slowing up' of the machine inside of me which is pounding, saying 'Keep going, someone must be on top, why not you?'"
And if you really want to get in my head, there's six pictures to the left that'll help you out with that. They're click-tastic.
I've also added a riddle somewhere in my profile. If you follow the clues, you win a treat. X's may be involved. ;) Good Luck.
::Future Excursions::
England
Germany
Greece
Australia
South Africa
United Arab Emirates
Canada
Brazil

My Interests

TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
That is what I am interested in. Random facts about random people.

I'd like to meet:

-- UNIQUE --

1. Nervous Habits? Tap my foot and touretteSHITFUCKCUNT.
2. Are you double jointed? No, but I can drop it like it's hot.
3. Can you roll your tongue? It's why I get laid.
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time?
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? No, I just spit. Like a camel.
6. Can you cross your eyes? No. I shoot lasers from them.
7. Tattoos? Covered in Tribal and barbedwire. Popularxcore.
8. Piercings and where? I like my flesh intact.
9. Do you make your bed daily? Can't, I sleep hanging from the ceiling like a bat.

-- CLOTHES --

10. Which shoe goes on first? Right. That's my ass kicking foot.
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? I tie the laces together and make shoe-chucks.
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet? The only money I carry is my phat Bling Bling.
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? I do not need accoutrements.
14. Favorite piece of clothing? Condom.

-- FOOD --

15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Throw it against the wall.
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? Spam McMuffin. Yum.
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? I just like to lick it off hott chixx.
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? I make sweet love to captain crunch.
19. What's your favourite beverage? Water. And by that I mean beer.
20. What's your favorite restaurant? Any 24 hour mexican place that speaks NO ENGLISH.
21. Do you cook? Children.

-- GROOMING --

22. How often do you brush your teeth? I just gurgle with bleach
23. Hair drying method? Shake it like a polaroid picture.
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? It's where I wipe my boogers, the color is an added bonus.

-- MANNERS --

25. Do you swear? LIKE A SAILOR
26. Do you ever spit? LIKE A SAILOR

-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --

27. Animal? Steak.
28. Food? SEX
29. Month? WTF. Who has a favorite month? Retards.
30. Day? Thanksgiving. Food + football = me hot and bothered.
31. Cartoon? Samurai. Jack.
32. Shoe Brand? Adidas, minus laces for that 80s hotness.
33. Subject in school? SEX ED
34. Color? Monochrome.
35. Sport? Seal clubbing.
36. TV show? I do not fall prey to the media. Except for Scrubs. That's pretty funny.
37. Thing to do in the spring? sex
38. Thing to do in the summer? sex
39. Thing to do in the fall? microwave popcorn.
40. Thing to do in the winter? sex indoors.

-- IN AND AROUND --

41. The CD player? I accidently dropped that thing along time back. I just beatbox ALL my own music.
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? Those 900 numbers never give you a real name.
43. Ever taken a cab? I'm carried everywhere piggyback style by my chaffeur.
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? I mealt hearts and souls.
45. What color is your bedroom? Dirty clothes. THAT IS A COLOR.
46. Do you use an alarm clock? If it's that evil machine next to my bed that awakes me from my dreamworlds then no, I destroyed it long ago.
47. Window seat or aisle? Window, so I can make funny faces at birds.

-- ZZZZzzzz --

48. What's your sleeping position? Fetal.
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? Butt Nekkid.
50. Do you snore? You tell me.
51. Do you sleepwalk? I sleepbreakdance.
52. Do you talk in your sleep? Just kinda moan and stuff.
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Taxidermy is a hobby of mine.
54. How about with the light on? I scare the boogyman.
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? Always to Sesame Street!
56. last interesting person you met? I have them stuffed in an Eggo box in my freezer. Well, part of them at least.

Music:

Koombaya!

Movies:

I try to make my own porn movies in the bathroom. Sadly it just ends with me lip-syncing to Ron Jeremy.

Television:

"Television is the explanation for this. You see this in bad television. Little assault guys creeping through the vents, coming in through the ceiling - that James Bond shit never happens in real life, professionals don't do that." Exactly.

Books:

I started Hooked on Phonix, but after boredom set in moved onto Playboy. The articles are AMAZING.

Heroes:

My Blog

Holiday time

Eh, it's been awhile without an update.Blame sleeping 11 hours a day, working 12, and spending the last one taking a leak at various points in time.Well, drinking's involved in there somehow too. I th...
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Wed, 27 Dec 2006 04:08:00 PST

Kids are only cute so we don't eat them.

There's a sponsor an orphan thing going on right now on base where you pitch in a few bucks to help buy presents for kids at a nearby orphanage. I figure since I just got some phat cash from that TDY ...
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Sat, 09 Dec 2006 02:14:00 PST

Hello Holidays!

Damnit. I've been fighting off this sickness for about a week and a half now, and I wake up the this morning and blammo, there it is like some stalker chick whose been waiting for the right moment for...
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Fri, 08 Dec 2006 06:09:00 PST

Damn work.

So Tuesday was a flag-football game that I wanted to go to, so I coerced one of the guys I work with to cover my shift. In return, I told him I would cover his shift tonight (a Saturday night) as kind...
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Sat, 25 Nov 2006 03:33:00 PST

T-day.

For tomorrow, my roommate alone bought about 50 lbs of turkey, not including the other copious amounts of fowl that other people will be bringing. And of his 50, we will be deep frying 40 of it.Oh yea...
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Wed, 22 Nov 2006 01:09:00 PST

PSA

Someone keeps trying to send me messages...But they're a deleted profile.So this is confusing me.
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Tue, 21 Nov 2006 02:11:00 PST

Drinkoslavakia

Well, it's looking like all systems are GO for Prague.Just got my plane ticket tonight, and apparently the hostel rooms are already booked, which means all I have to do is fill out the leave paperwork...
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Mon, 20 Nov 2006 01:39:00 PST

Wedursday afternoon-ight-ish

Score. I've got New Year's off.Well, New Years + some.I'll be working 12 hour shifts the 6 days around Christmas, but then get the 6 days around New Years off. And it's looking like I may be joining a...
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Thu, 16 Nov 2006 08:18:00 PST

El Profesor

I like to teach.A lot.The fact I like to teach is especially apparent when I am drunk, and I am completely willing to teach people the "tricks of the trade" for cops when it comes to ground combat ski...
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Wed, 15 Nov 2006 04:18:00 PST

Not much.

Went out Friday night.It was awesome, and I didn't even drink.I really can't sum it up more than that.Wait, yes I can.Awesome x10.:) And This is pretty much on spot about "platonic relationships....
Posted by Celmer Tested, Mother Approved on Sun, 12 Nov 2006 08:56:00 PST