ginavagina

Sobered....so bored. But it could be worse. So about me... most people either love me or hate me, there's not much in-between. I'm loud and opinionated and I'm not scared to voice those opinions... and I must admit at times I even enjoy alienating people. I figure anyone who's easily alienated wouldn't last long in my world anyway, so it's better to just weed em out early and get it over with. But once you're in my circle of friends you have an ally for life. To me, the most important thing in my life are the people in it. My friends have always been my family- especially the amazing people who I've known from when I was a kid. The people who have seen me at my best and at my worst and have always had my back and been there for me regardless. These are the people I would do anything for, and be glad to do it. Basically I'm nice to everyone right out of the gate, and everyone starts out on a good note in my book. The only times I'm not nice to people are when they're not nice to me (or my friends) first. And once that happens, it's on. As my favorite astrological book says, "Anyone who purposefully angers a Scorpio is either insane or a masocist." The way I see it, you fuck with the bull, you get the horns. I won't start it, but if you do then I guarantee I'll finish it. Above all else I value LOYALTY. Unfortunately this seems like a foreign concept to a lot of people. I consider myself a giver, and I will give unselfishly and unendingly to the people who I love and who deserve it. But I'm not a sucker- I beleive in give and take. If it seems to be that I'm always the one giving and the other person is always the one taking and there's no effort on their part to have my back when I'm down and out or in need of support, I will quickly end that relationship and never look back. That's the thing about me (and other Scorpios in general..)- I never forget a kindness OR a slight... and I pay back both tenfold. Because, to reiterate, it's all about LOYALTY. I cannot, will not, and never will tolerate disloyalty. I invest a lot of emotion into the people in my life- which makes it awesomely beautiful if they reciprocate, and horribly painful when it goes unrequited. So painful that I just can't deal with it. In those situations I'd rather just cut and run than stay and get trampled. In conlusion, there's a thin line between love and hate, especially in my world- the harder I love you the stronger I'll hate you if you break my heart. So why even take chances? Why not just close myself off and deaden my emotions and not ever give anyone the chance to hurt me? Because there's no greater feeling than love, nothing as special as kindredness, closeness, and familiarity with others. The highs are high and the lows are low (oh yea, I'm bipolar) and when you put yourself out there there's a chance of being hurt- but if you don't take that chance then you never reap the rewards that can come of those feelings. And so my life goes. I put it all out there and let the chips fall where they may. I've loved and been loved, hurt and been hurt, laughed and been laughed at, cried and been cried over. This is my life in all its beautiful, strange and fucked-up glory... and you're welcome to be a part of it. If you're strong enough.