Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Ruby Gloom
i've been in denial of my cuteness for years but i'm embracing it and twisting into my own special thing... not your run-of-the-mill fluffy cute, more sinister than that. I believe in love and I believe that it grows in the most unexpected places, when you're not looking and it creeps in somehow, even if you don't think you're ready for it. love is perhaps like mushrooms (which i don't like) it can grow somewhere, when a person shits on you and makes you feel like hell, sometimes new love grows in it. :) **** update **** love is not a human feeling, humans are incapable of it. one must transcend humanity to feel true true love, not the obligatory affection one feels for certain people, but the real deep fucking kind that funnels through the body, burrowing deep into the pysche, into the unembodied heart. I don't know if I'll ever love again, not in the inhuman way. affection I feel, fondness for other people in my life, i love my family in that special family way, but to love another person, a stranger I meet and become close to, is the scariest thing in the world. My Walls are back up and stronger than ever, and I don't mean to be rude or cold, but it's going to take a lot to bring them down again. My Walls are my Defence Mechanism. no cracks. no top-of-wall to climb over. Only time can heal this, self-enforced solitude, self-discovery, re-evaluating myself and the world I live in, taking a fucking stand for what I believe in and being pro-active in changing those things that I can affect.***new update*** alrighty i not gonna be so dirgy. i got love again, really really good love. feelin' stronger, happier, been able to rediscover joy in life and pursuing things that i liked doing, that fell by the wayside for many years. creativity is back, passion in general is back and i am very thankful to my man for reminding me that life is excellent and there is no shortage of ways to get the most out of it.