A group of five disgruntled ancestors of heroic Republicans, who could no longer endure the oppressive views of the ultra-liberal punk scene, decided to do something about it. Formed in 1977, during an attempted rebound in the midst of Jimmy Carter's disastrous Presidency, this subsidiary of the United States Department of Defense would write punk rock musical staples when they had time off from planning to manage the economic surplus and keeping hippies away from Presidential hopeful Ronald Reagan. However, those historic anthems would be stolen by dirty liberals, re-written, and sold to bands in an effort to silence and destroy Republican views from the scene. Songs like "Democracy in the UK" and "JFK Took My Baby Away" would later go on to help other artists in achieving legendary punk status.Under orders from the tyrannical Carter, this group of the Department of Defense would be imprisoned in a hellhole on the shores of the U.S. Virgin Islands. There, they were forced to play volleyball four hours a day in the grueling 74 degree heat. On the isle of St. John, they survived on a diet of chicken cooked with only 9 different herbs and spices, as well as a beverage concocted of coconuts and tropical fruits. Life was hell.All seemed lost until Commander-in-Chief George W. Bush came upon his party's former musical motivators on one of his non-frequent vacations oversea in early 2007. He recognized them by their tattered red Republican Party blazers and 1970's ID tags, and brought them home via Air Force One. Upon their arrival, they found the United States a long lost haul away from the formerly GOP-friendly view of life they embraced and promoted. Aggravated with the whiny liberal rantings of out-of-touch celebrities and idiotic New Age hippies, they vowed to make the country pay for abandoning the RIGHT way of life."We will never stop until America sees its' fault and wakes up from the proverbial left-wing pot smoke", vows bassist Joey Reagan. "We write and fight for Truth, Justice, and the Right Way, and nothing is going to change that", proclaims lead singer Michael M. Nixon. Percussionist Edward Lincoln simply states, "Hippies suck".Keeping this country safe from the stupid, the Department of Defense is:
Michael M. Nixon
Joseph W. Reagan
David D. Eisenhower
Edward Lincoln
Alexander Van Taft
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Department of Defense
