Elm Yawns

To: Mr. William Harvey Green of Green Freelance ExterminatorsFrom: Giotto G. Monotreme III Esq.Bill, I am writing concerning the exterminators you sent me for that job at the cottage outside of Plain City; the one with the “peculiar and possibly dangerous” infestation in the basement. I’m afraid I must express my acute dissatisfaction with your employees Steven Anderson, Thomas Clark, Garrett Marshall, and Nicholas Story. I have evidence that these gentleman have not only failed to complete their contractual obligations to remove the pests, but have actually exacerbated the situation by feeding, living with and indeed playing “indie-rock” with the infestation. My sources tell me that upon the exterminators’ arrival, the masked creatures began playing strange music from a makeshift recording device; apparently constructed out of old 4-tracks and car parts. This music must have had a strong affect on your employees because right after the song was over, they decided to forswear their old lives as exterminators and form a band then and there. The masked creatures provided them with instruments: Mr. Anderson was given an old paint bucket and two sticks and was bade to play percussion, to Mr. Clark a Fisher-Price toy piano with fading, multi-color keys, and Mr. Marshall and Mr. Story were bequeathed two tree-bark and garbage guitars with frayed electrical wire strings. They are currently living in the basement and have written some sort of E.P. in the style of the raccoon music; though my sources tell me it is not as good as the raccoon music. These developments are very distressing to me and to my organization. As you know, we require these pests removed before we can begin Operation: Terror Fang, so we would like you to send over another team of exterminators, preferably competent ones, to complete the job and remove the raccoons as soon as possible. I am going to contact a gentleman at another, though less socially acceptable, agency to deal with the human problem.Sincerely, Mr. Monotreme