mªtthew

"I'm not EMO."
i was a songwriter/keyboardist, formerly of milwaukee/chicago based rock group, Suite 13, who you probably haven't ever heard of. i no longer have the inspiration, means, or the time to seriously compose anymore.
i used to be a multimedia designer/animator but quit that position to accept my scholarships to marquette (that didn't work out so well.) i have several college degrees but haven't really utilized them since then.
i'm currently working for the world's largest door and wall protection company as a plastics extrusion operator. what is that? the easiest way to describe what i do is that extrusion is like a gigantic pla-doh maker for adults. i manufacture the wall guards, hand rails, vinyl sheeting and corner guards that you see in every hospital, nursing home, and hotel you've been in. it's not a glamorous job by any means, but it pays alright, my day goes by quickly, and i love the fact that i work until my hands bleed everyday. i have a lot of respect for anyone who works in a blue-collar industry
if there's one way to describe myself, it would have to be that my life seems like one of slow motion. everyone around me seems to be moving so quickly and always forward. i often feel like no one notices me and i become confused, nervous and withdrawn. i don't deal well with social situations and i tend to avoid crowds and events, because of that people often mistake my insecurity and silence for arrogance.
about the mohawk. all my pics of me show me sporting my beloved black hawk. i haven't had it in over a year now. it's gone. shaved my head bald. i just became sick of it. i apologize if you liked it. i could always grow it back. nah! i'm planning on posting some more current pictures - i just need to take them first. why did i have a mohawk? idk. i'm not punk. i'm not a rocker. i guess it was a protest of sorts - a visual "f*ck you" to everyone who saw it.
i seldomly open myself up to others... mostly because i have such a problem with accepting how people see me. i know i shouldn't, but i guess i allow myself to be that insecure. time and time again, though, i'll try to open up to someone, persisting to let me in, but it usually ends up in me getting hurt...