Ant

Early years
Born Anthony Baldomir Dic Fitzer. The son of poor Filipino rubber duccy farmers, Ant always knew he was destined for greatness. Or maybe a cheese sandwhich. Probably greatness though. Grew up on the mean streets of Sesame Street. His time spent hustling in the hood led him to become a political mastermind, and quintessential renaissance villain who wrote "The Book" on political bastardry. Ant spent most of his life traveling around the world piccing up badguyisms from world leaders and throwing hotdogs at hookers.
Ant also credits himself with inventing reality. This is seen in the diary he kept while he hid in prison from Nazis for several months. Here is an excerpt: "Dear Kitty, I am the realest motherfucca ever. No, no. Let me rephrase that... I am reality. Or I invented it, or some shit like that. Bitch. Now pass the puno..." Ant was always focused on being real. His code of reality included, but was not limited to:
-Pimp-smaccing children that look at him.
-Tripping old ladies wearing the wrong colors (which, to be frank was all of them.)
-Drinking strawberry milkshakes with a real tough guy face on so people won't think he's some kind of weirdo.
-Calling people bozo's
-The stabbing of a hobo in the forehead, just cuz he asked Ant for a quarter.
-Ant once defeated an evil dragon, known as Trogdor, cuz he was trying to pimp Ant's hoes.
-Ant's constant lecturing on how real he was and how real shit is, and what reality is really real like and real realest real nigga for real and how this is the real world inspired the creation of the popular children's cartoon The Real World, and later The Mad Real World.
Ant At War
At the tender age or 18, Ant was joined the U.S. Navy during the Unicorn vs Bears conflict, working mostly in engineering, occasionally working as a sentry. During this time, he first experimented with the use of Rubber Duccys. He also tried to avoid service by faking to have Torrets Syndrome so as to be branded as insane (which, as has been all ready stated, only worked up to a marginal point, merely relegating him to a Navy Seabee Unit). The war proved to be Ant's worst time of his life: his crazy ass drank gallons of puno and he also gained the niccname "Asian Persuasion". Finally, during a guerrilla offensive by the Unicorns Ant was wounded by a stray sheet of bullets and seriously wounded. Unable to continue his military service, Ant was released from active duty.
Ant bacc at Sesame Street
Unable to find work during the 2006 gasflation, and too proud to move bacc in with his family, Ant went bacc to the streets. Wandering the alley ways of Sesame Street, Ant was eventually picced up by Ron Jeremy and entered the porn industry. Ron provided Ant with money, lodging, marijuana and penis enlargement pills in exchange for the fact that everything would be in Ant's name as to avoid both legal hassle, documentation of his whereabouts, and the sexual advances of the Kobe Tai and Mika Tan. Ant thought nothing odd of this arrangement and agreed to it. He then started making adult films under the porn name Dic Fitzwell. And robbing liquors stores just for the sole purpose of stealing condoms for his movies
Life in crime
Ant's unwitting foray into crime continued for several years, during which he and rapper Jayo Felony became notorious on the west coast for their audacious evil plans and brutal revenge slayings. Ant even sent Sponge Bob off to Los Angeles to attend the 'School of Life'. Later evidence confirmed that Ant believed this to be a prestigious public school, although in reality it was Jayo's attempt to establish an operation through all of southern California.
Ant as a Drug Dealer
When Jayo's other plans fell through, he himself fell to an all time low. Jayo and Snoop Dogg gave Ant a bag of mixed marijuana and PCP, and told him to deliver it to Big Bird. Ant, thinking it was a snacc mix, ate a little bit, and a little bit more, until he had eaten the whole thing before he had gotten to Big Bird's. When he ran bacc to his house, Jayo and Snoop made Ant smoke it mercilessly. For the next few weeks, Ant thought he was a Drug Dealer. Eventually, Chucc Norris, fellow ex Traumatizer, Roundhouse kicced Ant until he went bacc to normal.
Currently
Ant is currently wanted by the FBI for questioning as to the jail break of convicted burgler and suspected child molestor and public exbitionist Elmo (who recently passed away, allegedly by Homer Simpson, then known as Omar Samshoon, in an act of terrorism, slaying him with a lightsaber, reportedly for religious reasons). Ant is believed to be residing somewhere in California while serving on the public council at Disney's California Adventure, the most powerful and enjoyable empire in the world. Also, it's possible that he is still smoking sherm (marijuana dipped in PCP) with Jayo and Snoop.