Ryan profile picture

Ryan

About Me

I have a reputation because of my gynormas penis and it's ability to tea bag any fucker out, even in the cold. I could quite possibly be the hardest cunt alive, besides David and Chuck Norris. I'm a LEAD guitarist. I prefer the wheelbarrow over girl on top. I utilise the common courtesy of at least ten seconds of foreplay as opposed to the spit, slap, slam method. I have much respect for and am extra gentle with bitches. Reaching around is for people who can't get in the middle of the train. It is inappropriate to yell out white power while walking past charmers or the loaded hog or WINZ or MacDs or Ngaruawahia or Bakehouse or Garden Place...in fact, anywhere. It is inanely inbuilt in every man to prey on the weakest in the pack a.k.a. the drunkest girl who looks like she'll give it 110% on the night. 2 minutes 10 is my standing record (including foreplay), I challenge anyone to beat that without starting a fire.

My Interests

spit roasting. cat eating. girls. tag teaming. violating. annihilating and destroying all girls hopes and dreams. candlelight dinners. boobs. furious masturbation. clubbing baby seals.

I'd like to meet:

My real mother. A taniwha. God. Virgins. Drunk chicks. Girls with the following requirements: -massive boobs and tiny asses -less facial hair than me -minimal to no standards -no lights on in their bedrooms and easially accessible escape roots -bust size must be larger than their IQ -not easily prone to brusing -have hot friends who are into helping the needy -their own transport -terrible short term memory -a bullet belt

Music:

Melodic DEATH METAL. Soilwork. Threat Signal. In Flames. Silent Civilian.

Movies:

Midgets go wild 3. Blondes on fire. Unleashing the little spoon within. The figure eight fringe twirl and other emo faggot moves with special guests Aiden.

Television:

is for people who can't cope with the utter shitness of their own lives.

Books:

the cat in the hat. the "shut your fucking face bitch" backhand and other techniques for communicating with woman. world vision - touching young boys. rohypnol - techniques and trapping. "I knew she really meant yes" and other solid alibis. checking for id - AIDs is the least of your worries. it's only gay if you're receiving and other common misconceptions. avoiding eye contact while tag teaming and other tips to avoid those uncomfortable homosexual moments. crying to get sympathy and other guaranteed ways to score without drugs. Magic - and other sleight of hand techniques (part one includes touching young boys, secret masturbation and drink spiking)

Heroes:

My Mother. Your Mother. Spandex and David. Spiderman. Corey Beaulieu (God of the circle headbang). Herman Li (Master Shredder).3 words to say after sex (a blatent ripoff of Spandex's version) *You were shit *Please don't sue *My arse hurts *Love your work *Needed more spit *I'm your father *Nice one bitch *You got owned *I came first *Good little doggy *Don't tell Dad *Now stop struggling *This never happened *Turn into pizza! *You did well *Tag Teamed Bitch!!