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Hi there, my name is Chastin and I was an atheist for about 7 years…. Until recently. I feel like I must explain why, and I think to start off my story it would have to be when I was four. My dad passed away from a rare form of cancer, I hardly remember it much less remember him. Now, I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness, practically my whole family was.So every time I screwed up, which became more and more often as I got older, I was reminded that I would never see my daddy if I didn't do what was right (which was pretty strict). Not only that, but I was pressured in ministry and to pursue baptism. The older I got and still not being baptized the less accepted I became. I was looked upon as a bad association, so no matter how friendly I tried to be to them they made no effort to accept me. Parents began to push their kids away from me, and eventually the kids began to look at me as someone they didn't need to hang w/. This whole time I was trying so hard to be accepted, but I still felt no push in myself to pursue baptism…. I never felt good enough. So, at about 16 I told everyone I was no longer a witness. Man, that was so hard! My family was so upset, some even somewhat disowned me. They also began to look at my mom differently, as if it was her fault or something.I was taught that all other religions were of the world, so I had this fear of other churches instilled in me. I even had a panic attack going into my grandparents church (it wasn't even in service! ... I know I'm a freak J ). So begins my journey to atheism.Well, of course after turning 18 I quickly found a way to move out of my parents' house. My heart had been broken in numerous ways (life, love, religion, etc.). I moved into an apt. full of drug abuse and found myself right in the middle of it. I lived there for about 6 months, using to my fullest. After that I decided I was going nowhere, so my parents let me move back. I never realized how badly I had hurt my mom during all this, I was so selfish. So I worked on cleaning up my act, quit my drug use, found a decent job, and during the process found a good boyfriend. This of course was another good escape. I moved in w/ him quickly. Unfortunately, I broke is heart repeatedly. We were together off and on for about 4 years, then I became pregnant. When I found out, I had just broken up w/ him for the 3rd time. After I told him about the pregnancy he took me back (upon my moms advice I took him back). We were pushed and pressured to get married, we finally did after our daughter was 6 months old. And things quickly went down hill from there. His mother passed away shortly after, so he and my daughter were with his family the majority of the time while I stayed home for work. The stress and loneliness built up inside of me so I found access to marijuana through my ex-boyfriend (which was of course a bad idea, I still wasn't over him). So I started secretly smoking pot to calm my nerves and being back in contact w/ my ex. I'm guessing you're seeing where this is going, and yes I again cheated. And after guilt built up I told my husband, so we split. I moved back in w/ my parents, and this time I was not clean. I found more contacts to get pot, and quickly began to use them. And when I say use, it's more than just pot, it's people too. I wound up breaking another heart in the process. I didn't want love n-e more, so I used this young man for sex and free drugs (I'm so sorry!). I spent the majority of my extra time w/ him and his family in order to get high……n-e ways, I eventually left that mess after I met ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Chad. I was beginning to head in the same direction as I had always done, except I was actually falling in love w/ him. He told me he use to be a pastor, which didn't bother me, I was actually curious, especially for him to be interested in ME! So I began to question. Before, I never agreed w/ n-e answers that were given to me, I always had come backs and questions never truly answered. But this time each question was answered and made sense, which had NEVER happened before. I was quite taken by this and actually began to pray, I asked for belief. A couple of weeks later it all hit me, I truly believed for the first time in my life!! And for the first time in my life, on Easter Sunday, I gave myself to Jesus in baptism! JNow, there is A LOT more in between the lines (I still struggle w/ my addictions), and there's still A LOT more to come, I've learned SO MUCH in just a matter of months, Jesus has shown me love, friendship, compassion, and so much more! So I ask, pray for my strength, I've got the heart and I wish to do so much for Him. I am also very much imperfect and sinful. Ya know, that's one thing that really grabbed me, how realistic Jesus' story really is and how much I can relate to those in the bible. They were just like me! J..  ..my baby girl :).. ..

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Jesus, all the people i've been reading about in the bible, Steve Brown (he'z awsome), the memberz of DC Talk, and my dad.

My Blog

surgeon general’z warning:

okie~dokie....so yesterday was pretty eventfull! i clean a house on saturdayz for a lady w/ like 20 sumodd catz, which alwayz beginz my day. my mom was movin outta the house & i told'er i'd help. ...
Posted by on Sun, 19 Oct 2008 14:40:00 GMT

hurt.....

ya know....it REALLY hurtz when i know, w/out a doubt in all my heart, soul, & mind, the truth of Jesus, the truth of this world, the truth of life itself, and the onez i love refuse to see it. i ...
Posted by on Sat, 16 Aug 2008 17:07:00 GMT

just stuff....

hey, tiz been awhile! well, i got alot goin on lately...... surprised i actually have the time to write :P  if u don't know by now....... CHAD & I R GETTIN MARRIED!!!! and if you're reading t...
Posted by on Tue, 01 Jul 2008 04:23:00 GMT

wedding and such

yay! i got my wedding dress and my engagement ring is being sized, we plan on getting a jacket specialty made for it, yay!!! (kyle! i would love for u to be my photagrapher) the wedding is more than l...
Posted by on Sun, 18 May 2008 01:45:00 GMT

yay!

i finally got a doc apt. w/ a "room-a-tall-a-gist" (i can't spell :p) HE GAVE IT TO ME FREE!!!!! i knew we were gonna work somethin out payment wise, but i didn't know he was gonna let me see him for ...
Posted by on Thu, 08 May 2008 04:13:00 GMT

job

hey everybody....so yeah, i've been in A LOT of pain, and have been EXTREAMLY depressed, i haven't been this bad in a LONG TIME. n-e wayz, i got a doc apt. hopefully i can get some help, just got...
Posted by on Tue, 06 May 2008 05:36:00 GMT

job

hey everybody....so yeah, i've been in A LOT of pain, and have been EXTREAMLY depressed, i haven't been this bad in a LONG TIME. n-e wayz, i got a doc apt. hopefully i can get some help, just got...
Posted by on Tue, 06 May 2008 05:36:00 GMT

this life sux....

well, tiz been awhile.... i just have a hard time getting up the nerve to type everythin down. so much has been goin on lately, i feel like i've been being stretched and torn apart in every ...
Posted by on Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:37:00 GMT

messenger

ok, for those of you who keep asking i know have msn messenger. my sn is of course artismebbydl. not much in the mood for talkin, so tha'z it.
Posted by on Sun, 09 Mar 2008 07:04:00 GMT

phone

just wanted to let everbody know that i lost my phone and all my 'z. i got a new one (same ) but i need pplz in my addy book :( so it would be great if ya'll could send my u'r z. other than that thing...
Posted by on Thu, 06 Mar 2008 04:53:00 GMT