Hi! My name is Dan. I was conceived on the pill. My Dad was chief pharmacist at the Georgia Retardation Center. My mom worked there too. They claimed they found me there, but I look too much like my mom to have believed them. My third day in kindergarten, I got in trouble for showing my boyhood to some little tattletale girls hanging around the merry-go-round. In the fourth grade I got kicked out of the gifted program for doing monkey rolls down some sort of sacred Native American mounds. In the fifth grade I won a bicycle, an essay contest, and the Solid Gold dance championship. Sixth grade I lost my virginity in a freak diving-board accident and the very next week had a tractor turn over on top of me; damn near ruined my summer. While in the hospital, I terrorized the late night nurses with water guns and fake spiders. Seventh grade I won a bottle of rum doing the limbo in the Bahamas. When I was 15 I found two twenty dollar bills in the parking lot of a McDonalds ( at the same exact moment, my Dad found two more on the other side of our Astro van). Seven years ago I graduated with honors from a cow college, and before that I was whoring for tips as a bartender on a deserted island. R.I.P. Huc-A-Poo's Tybee. One morning, on my way to work, I saw Jesus walking along the side of the road and then I won twelve dollars on a scratch-off ticket. I wish I would have thought to pick him up, I could use that kind of luck. I like long walks on the beach, the smell of mountain rain, good beer, good books, good music and spooning with chicas I hardly know. Somehow everything works out for ole Dan. I wonder if it is because I always look at the sunny side of life or that I am truly charmed. Either way, I like serendipitous living.If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities.----Maya Angelou-----But,Trust in the rabbit's foot if you so choose, but remember he is the one who lost it in the first place.
