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Here's a list of shit I want to accomplish before death mercifully steps in.
Build a castle.
Accept an Academy Award using sign language.
Write at least 20 screenplays.
Produce at least 10 films.
Produce/direct at least 10 documentaries.
Perform standup comedy and perform it well.
Run a marathon without stopping.
Learn how to surf.
Climb a mountain.
Earn a six pack (abs).
Buy an RV, turn the bathroom into a darkroom, put a road map of the entire US and a set of darts in the bedroom, throw a dart, and take a trip.
Buy a lighthouse for my mother.
Give a girl 5 or more orgasms in one night without having one myself.
Visit every continent.
Record a Bangers, Mash, and Young album, and go on tour.
Run with the bulls in Spain.
Spend a summer at a nudist colony and not hook up with anyone.
Earn a Master's degree.
Not fall asleep to the television.DONE.
Have a tan.
Have breakfast, lunch, and dinner at an hour where one would actually have breakfast, lunch, and dinner.DONE.
Win a Poker tournament.
Have a book of poetry published.
Go a week without drinking.DONE.
Ride a dolphin.
Get hooked up to an insulin pump.
Date a girl for at least 1 year.
Meet Jack Nicholson.
Sew a king size quilt.
Live in Key West under an assumed name for no good reason.
Get a patent for laminated novels so that you can read while in the pool or in the bathtub. Genius!
Stop being diabetic.
Skydive.
Learn at least 3 languages.
Stop smoking.
Adopt the cutest little kitten from the Humane Society, love and nurture it every day of their life.
Life a life without acne.
Win a game of scrabble.DONE.
Get to third base on an airplane.
Become a student at IUPUI.DONE.
Cook a turkey.DONE.
Bike the entire Monon Trail.
Earn a living by blogging.
Climb an active volcano.
Drive a Ferrari in Italy.
Stay at the Ice Hotel in Alaska.
Touch an elephant.
Try the blowfish.
Go vegetarian for at least 1 year.
Try Yoga for at least a month.
Sleep in a tropical rain forest.
Eat a living thing.
Make front-page news.
Crash a snooty black-tie party.
Go 12 days without a cell phone. DONE.
Climb the Grand Teton.
Hike the Continental Divide.
Take a hamburger shot which consists of: grease from a recently cooked burger, pinch of onions, squirt of ketchup, squirt of mustard, and topped with well vodka. Down the hatch.
Go skiing in Aspen.
Attend the Sundance Film Festival.
Catch a fish.
Take the Polar Bear Plunge.
Stay in the penthouse suite at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.
Pose nude for a series of artsy black and white photography.
Leave Indiana for good.
Hit a home run.
Build an old-school darkroom.
Get a tattoo in Tahiti.
Surf in Cleveland.
Sleep in a hyperbaric chamber for 1 full year.
Vote in the 2008 United States presidential election. DONE.
Golf 18 holes with a D-List celebrity.
Go to the Super Bowl.
Ride bareback on the beach.
Be someone's alibi.
Save a life.
Sail in the Caribbean.
Get laser eye surgery.
Make my own sushi rolls.
Ride a mechanical bull.
Visit a psychic.
See the pyramids.
Participate in an authentic paper, rock, scissors tournament.
Participate in a demolition derby.
Attend a funeral.
Get diabetic tattooed across my knuckles. DONE.
Watch every single episode of "The Gilmore Girls."
Read "War and Peace."
Get Married.
Watch every single film at a film festival.
Father a child.
Travel to every continent.
Make someone laugh until they cry. DONE.
Make my parents proud.
Visit the bunny ranch.
Hang-glide.
Record a rap album.
Take the Jack the Ripper tour in London.
Smack a nurse's ass from a hospital bed.
Eat a 96 oz. steak including all the fat and gristle. The Ol' 96er!
I'm turning 30 soon and part of me wants to grow up and start taking things more seriously. The other part of me wants to pee in holy water. I don't believe too much in astrology, but I'm told I have 2 extreme varying personalities because I am a Gemini: Harmful Hansel and Harmless Hansel. Harmful Hansel's got a lot more entertaining stories than Harmless Hansel, but at the end of the day, you're crying in a high ball full of rot-gut rye whiskey. I'm told and I believe that Harmless Hansel is the better of the two.
I hope myspace changes your life.