EDIT; Once you've lost your mind, you never forget how it feels. The slipping away of your sanity isn't a sensation easy to forget. You will ALWAYS be able to recognize random thoughts as thoughts you would have had back when you were gone. For the rest of your life. You are branded. And you'll always be on the look out for signs that it's coming back, whatever was wrong with you.
You want to know what it's like to know you're losing your mind? Again?
It's like being locked in a cage for years on end, watching beautiful colors and sounds waft by out of reach, everything is drenched in nostalgia, the entire world seems to be making itself as bittersweet as possible. Then one day, one of the colors finally gets close enough for you to touch, feel, taste again. Nostalgia intensifies, of course, but only for a short time. Because soon, all those colors? Those sounds? They'll be everywhere again. Everything just like the first time. Gorgeous.
But this time, you finally realize that insanity is a gift.
So
What if no one really exists, and we're all complete fabrications that can't really think for ourselves and the only reason we can interact is because we don't know that we don't exist, and the moment someone actually realizes this for themselves, they completely disappear and leave the rest of us in the dark?
Why is it a bad thing to be left alone in the dark? Why does fear have to exist? Is there really anything that's so horrible that it justifies being scared? Who decided that spoken language had visual counterparts? Why did they think they were important enough to design the alphabets that millions of people would use for thousands of years?
Is it possible for anything to really be new in this world? The planet only has a certain, unchangeable amount of mass, right? So the same mass is formed into new things all the time. So is anything truly new when technically, everything has been around since the dawn of the planet?
Can anyone really understand anyone else? Or do we just think we understand? Go along with it to make things easier? Is it even possible to understand yourself? Is there a reason for anything that happens? Can everything truly be up to chance? Is there such a thing as control?
Are miscarriages a baby's form of suicide? Is it possible to bail on the world before you even enter it? And why would you want to force anyone else onto the planet when EVERYTHING is a mess?
With thoughts like these, it's not hard to see why peaceful sleep is so hard to have. Really now.
The idea of infinity used to scare me, because I was young and stupid and thought I could be lost in it.
Now.......well, now I wish I could get lost in anything and everything just to get away from the sound of my own mind.
Turn the music up a little louder. A heart of gold is just what I need right now.
sometimes i think i'd be prettier if i put every cigarette i smoked out with my skin
