Paul J <('-'<) - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Be yourself. Be anyone but me.
Today is the day i draw lines across my skin. map out my fate very carefully. then execute accordingly. The day i draw your names in my blood. the people that stole from my body, and stole from my mind. none of you can stop me. none of you can reach me. i'm out of control. and out of my mind. laying there you will have not the power to save me. just like you never could before. Words are just words, but it doesn't end there. i'll make sure i'll give you something to talk about for a very long time. because i've given you the benefit of the doubt that i've always been stable. and that i've always been okay. when deep down inside me youve been letting my hatred grow. my inability to stop loving, and feeling rationally, and my ability to ever amount up to anything, in any of your lives. respect for me, is something you can all say you've lost. i'm a pretty face. a conveniant car ride. a pack of cigarettes, and some liquor for your pleasure. maybe if youre lucky i was a good fuck for a while. My depression, my self-loathing has always welcomed me. i look across your faces, and all i see is the shame and pain that i've always given out, recieved. so many negative memories. nobody will ever understand what my mind has done to me. what it's convinced me and what it's always told me to do. this isn't real. none of it is. youre not real. the things you say, the way you feel. the way you've convinced yourself, youre absolutely sure of it. it doesnt even matter. because in the end i'll be gone, you'll all be gone. all out of each others lives, and i will be alone. dead to the world. and dead to myself. i'm running. always running from my pain. my problems. from my own life. i'm always 2 steps ahead of my own happines, by destroying it before it occurs. i will never learn to conquer my own fears or dreams. and it was never your responsibility to do it for me. i'm at the bottom. i'm over my neck. i'm in too deep. i'm walking on thin ice. i'm cutting it way too close. i wont stop, and nobody will make me.i'm such a worn down destroyed waste of a human, that no matter how many people claim they care about me, and love me.nothing will ever change.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

My cure-for-pain
The words "hopeless" and "romantic" sting tonight like ice on warm skin. I refuse to use them together. I refuse to admit the obvious. To compound them would to admit to the charges and I havent even faced the jury. Im tired of standing in line and waiting for you (the one) when mypatients have long since evaded me. I feel hollow. Imcomplete and longing. Angry. Violent. So much so that just hearing you scream my name pleading would be enough to get me off. But isnt that what you came here for? To watch me writhe beneath your eyes like a frightened child? To torment and agonize?

I believe you. I believe you like this too much. Im afraid that I do to. Sick, isnt it? That weve come this far? Frightened of the karma that chases us in our dreams and still reeling from the beck-&-call. I stay up all hours of the night waiting for you. Seething over your presence. Waiting, angrily in the shadows until your one wrong step before I make a bigger mistake than falling in love with you in the first place. I wish I could commit. In more ways than one. If your kiss could kill, your mouth would be my savior and I would drown in your tears. No fears of tomorrow. -KMD-

VIEW BLOGS

leave me a comment. ;O

Music:

music.

I mainly like:

Big Band/Swing,
Blues, Classical, Jazz,
Metal (Dark), Oldies,
Opera, Rap/Hip Hop,
Reggae, Punk, Acoustic

Now, some bands... let's see
Against Me!
American Nightmare
Good Clean Fun
Dead to fall
Darkest hour
Black Eyes
Metric
MIA
The Locust
As The Sun Sets
Daughters
Adult
Fortitude
The Postal Service
With Honor
On Broken Wings
Comeback Kid
Unearth
Every Time I Die
Bane
Terror
Matchbook Romance
Remembering Never
Rufio
Falloutboy
Walls of Jericho
Smashing Pumpkins
Underoath
Minor Threat
Bleeding Through
Avenged Sevenfold
Lamb of God
God Forbid
HANSON
Dashboard Confessional
Death Cab for a Cutie
Poison the Well
Norma Jean
The Autumn Offering
TOMORROWS ASHES
Um.. old skool Slipknot
Old school Korn
SUBLIME
RX Bandits
Glassjaw
AFI
Thursday
TakingBackSunday
Marilyn Manson
APC
Tool
NIN
FINGER ELEVEN!
Casey Jones
Mad Caddies

Movies:

My Blog

ATTENTION HUMANS. PLEASE READ. <-------------------------

i'm going offline for a while. you wont be able to talk to me, reach me. nothing. i'm gone. a ghost. a phantom. i can't handle relationships properly and i can't handle friendships properly. i'm go...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Wed, 17 May 2006 04:36:00 PST

Path Of Destruction

forewarning: dont assume this is about you. i feel as though nothing i do is right anymore. i cant even make a single choice without feeling like i somehow made something worse, or do something wrong...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Thu, 27 Apr 2006 02:03:00 PST

the pressure is on.

i like watching my life play out like a movie. with it's ups and downs. as the plot thickens and thins out. highs. lows. ups down. over. and over. it's like a constant rollercoaster. reality is so tri...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Thu, 20 Apr 2006 01:11:00 PST

advice, evaluations, and theory of life. (please read)

i've been through alot. alot of relationships. alot of interests. alot of scenarios. i've been through more than you think i have. i've been all over florida. i've been out of the state, i've been th...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Tue, 04 Apr 2006 12:52:00 PST

Time and distance is a liar.

walking in the woods... you find the most beautiful.. flower you've ever come across in your entire life. you decide to take it. keep it. so you pick it. and you take it home. sitting in a vase of wat...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Mon, 20 Mar 2006 04:16:00 PST

strange, ive come this far.

but i feel like i haven't gotten anywhere really, at all. mostly in circles, back and forth to the same mentality level, leaving me broke, lonely, hungry, and starved for nicotine. i let my self get s...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Tue, 14 Mar 2006 11:39:00 PST

remember me?

let's talk emotions for a minute. regret. pain. anger. depression.no matter how sick of them you get, you never quite escape them. even if everyone is convinced you have, you haven't. sometimes it's e...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Mon, 13 Mar 2006 02:07:00 PST

ATTENTION ALL OF THE FEMALE PERSUASION

Please do not act interested in me, if you: still like your ex.if youre sexually active with another humanlike another guy more.if youre DATING ANOTHER GUYif youre in any way shape or form being disho...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Wed, 08 Mar 2006 10:43:00 PST

The Game Of Love

i'm worthless, but i'm happy.i have my own hidden agenda always going on in my head.i'm always working things out. constantly, compuslively.i'm obsessed with knowing the time, knowing everything.i hav...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Sun, 05 Mar 2006 01:42:00 PST

I'm done understanding.

for the past year my life has continueously downwardly spiraled. i thought i could change things, that didn't work. i thought i could simply run away from things, that didnt work either. PAIN. has bee...
Posted by Paul J <('-'<) on Fri, 24 Feb 2006 11:32:00 PST