THINGS I'M INTO: manicures. eating brunch in the bathtub. drug buffets. honey mustard. riding horses naked. salmon-colored turtlenecks. being bodacious. pedicures. Asian men with small hands and long flowing hair. Quiche. Tony Danza's calves. being charming. Doing it big like Ricki Lake's thighs in '94. frenzied behavior. loincloths. Jewish girls from Long Island. shrimp in baskets. depression. cheap champagne. penny loafers. Tom Selleck's moustache. mango scones. buying homeless men things on ebay. watching drunk white girls at bars sing "Juicy" by Biggie. Peeing in pools. fancy in the pantry. doing the damn thing. space camp. drug buffets. teenage vampires. slicing cold cuts shirtless. spider man pajamas with feet. goon squad hooligans. Loofahs. not giving a fuck. getting my hair did. being filthy and gorgeous. transvestites. eye contact. onion bagels. being rowdy rowdy/ bout it bout it. getting dusted. movies on VHS. public access television. the gutter. flat-tops. loofahs. eye contact. Crown heights. double-dutch jump roping. Filipinos. tangerine bathrobes. reading the Post. shitty rap music. wearing colonial powdered wigs. meeting up with people to talk. pinky rings.bodacious babes. starched collars. shitty rap music. men who weep. exciting activities. tasteful floral arrangements. doing it and doing it and doing it well. The episode of 90210 featuring Color me Badd. Paintings of me naked and covered in doves, fighting a cougar with my penis shaped like a lightning bolt. white denim. black denim. inappropriately mixing denims. warm scotch. Dolly Parton. argyle everything. being more famous in Japan than Hello Kitty. girls with big sunglasses. Nine West gator pumps in banana yellow. light treason. escaping to Mexico. ice cream sandwiches. kissing cousins. a beauty queen with an M16. vomiting out of taxi windows. Jason Priestley in denim button-down shirts. being too weird to live and too rare to die.
“I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than just a sex symbol.â€-Steven Seagal
"You know models? I know models. You like fresh fruit? I like fresh fruit. I live in a skyscraper... Hi helicopter."-Lil' Wayne
I threw an Oscars partied, E! aired it. Epic.
The Fat Jew's Oscar party on E! Daily 10 from The Fat Jew on Vimeo .
Limited Edition t-shirt for sale now! 20$ for the sauciest shirt of all time. It's so hot you'll have to wear oven mitts to put it on. Available in sizes Small-XXL.
These are my rap group's music videos. They are delicious.
"Sexual Perversions"
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"Lotion In the Basket"
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The Fat Jew on Mets Weekly
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