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bitchez jones.

I am here for Friends

About Me


-First things first. My name is Jon. Chances are you'll either find me ridiculously amusing or annoying as hell. Chances also are that you've already formulated your opinion of me based off of these first three sentences.
-These whole bullet things seem to have gained popularity, so I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. I'm determined to make mine longer than anyone else's.
-Much of this "About Me" was written when I was seventeen but I'm simply too lazy to change a lot of the information because it still holds true. If there's poor sentence structure or awkward phrasing, please don't judge me- I was merely a child when I created this Myspace.
- I'm nineteen years old (the age of infinite wisdom) and currently go to school at Michigan State University (one of the best things to have ever happenned to me) studying secondary education; that's if my tentative music career doesn't work out. Emphasis on the word "tentative."
-I went to highschool at Detroit Catholic Central. As an educational institution, I loved it. A lot of my classmates were close minded douche bags, however. Despite this, I somehow managed to surround myself with a vast circle of glorious friends.
-Even though I had a blast in highschool, nothing will ever top going to school at Michigan State. It's ridiculous.
- It's been drawn to my attention that my profile looks mildly emo. I am not emo. I repeat, I am NOT emo.
-Speaking of this profile...it was actually featured on a Detroit news story concerning the dangers Myspace can pose to teenagers. TWICE. In April of 2006 and once again in April of 2007. Pretty cool, eh? Eh?
-One of my life goals is to have sex with the person who is inside the Sparty mascot costume.
-...Or just the costume itself. I'm not too picky.
-Yes, my father did invent poptarts. Yes, he did sell the right's to Kellog's. Yes, I do stand to inherit a $54 million fortune. Yes, it'd be safe to call me one of the heirs to the poptart fortune. No, I'm not giving you free pop tarts or lending you money.
-Okay, that was a lie. But a lot of people believe it when I tell them that. So sue me, it's a good conversation starter.
-So I have this amazing best friend named Stephanie Black...
-I somehow became a RENT-head at one point in time.
-Vocabulary and language are of great intrique to me. If you think that's boring, I'll insult you with a barrage of words you don't understand.
-Common misconception: I'm not arrogant. In the slightest. I can come across as arrogant occasionally, because I'm confident about my abilities in a few certain areas. And possibly because I have a very acerbic sense of humor. There is nothing more unattractive than someone with an over blown ego. Honestly, most of the time my fluctuating self esteem doesn't allow me to have arrogance.
- My biggest character flaw is that I have the capacity to be pretty self absorbed sometimes. Evidently this makes me a terrible person. But I'm working on it
-I'm not hesitant, I'm very honest about my past, and I lack impulse control; this has led to the consistent abuse of various substances.
-To say I'm odd would possibly be an understatement.
-I hit on my friends' mothers pretty regularly. It's not unusual for them to be mildly receptive.
-Music is my life, it's my means of expression. A lot of people say on their myspace that music is their life. Okay that's cute, but I actually mean it.
-Seriously, music IS my life. I'm not one of those near-sighted whores out there who likes one genre of music and alienates all the rest. I appreciate everything Stravinsky to Tchaikovsky, Aerosmith to Dashboard, Smashing Pumpkins to Black Eyed Peas... you get the picture.
-I enjoy stupid music in addition to the more thought provoking stuff, as you can see. Nothing is completely off limits.
- People who are convinced that they're musical elitists drive me insane. Unless you're channeling the spirit of someone like Mozart or Bach, I highly doubt you have that right.
- Come to think of it, elitists in general drive me insane.
-I sing incessantly. I'm good at it too, which is an added perk.
- I also have capabilities in the whistle register. If you don't know what that means, I suggest you type it in on wikipedia.
-I play piano and trombone. I still haven't learned how to play the guitar very well. This makes me frown.
-At the ripe age of nineteen, I've become so jaded that nothing disturbs me, so I'm willing to try anything at least once.
-For some unknown, strange reason, I'm extremely defensive of Katie Couric. So don't insult her in my presence, or I'll be all over your ass.
-Taking myself too seriously or taking myself not seriously enough are sometimes problems of mine.
-I have a propensity to bring the craziness out of most people I know. Strangers often fall victim to this tendency.
- Random myspace friend requests from strangers excite me to no end. They make me feel like I might actually be an interesting person.
-I'm a band fag and a drama fag, and I'd have it no other way.
-Movie quoting, driving aimlessly, laughing to tears, and having dance parties in abandoned parking lots are common pastimes of my friends and mine.
-I drive a black on tan 2006 Eddie Bauer Explorer named Jacquese that my parents paid for.
-My previous vehicle was a white 2004 F-150 named Frank that my parents also bestowed upon me. No bones about it, Frank was a boss. However, his lease expired in July of 2006, so we were forced to give him up.
-I simply feel pity for the next person to own him for the reason that there is not one square inch of him that I have failed to taint with my licentious antics.
-My personality can be mildly obsessive at times. But in a completely good natured, non-creepy way.
-I'd take brunettes over blondes any day.
-Especially brunettes with blue eyes. Oh man.
-I'm oftentimes attracted to people of descent from the Mediterranean region. Go figure.
-When I'm in public, I can't blow my nose because it's offensively loud.
-I'm quite the fan of trashy, big- budget, Hollywood disaster epics. But I like other types of movies as well. You, know. The good stuff.
-You will never meet someone who blushes as easily as I do.
-Usually I'll end up making friends with AT LEAST one randomer when I'm out and about.
-I don't take criticism well and can be a misanthrope when I put my mind to it.
-Sometimes I'll go out of my way to befriend prostitutes.
-There's this unsatisfactory habit I have of making marriage pacts with multiple people.
-I generally lack inhibitions.
-My diet consists mainly of chapstick, diet pepsi, and the occasional piece of orbit gum.
-I tend to like animals more than I do people.
-My friends, my surrogate family, are the best. I love them boundlessly and would take a bullet for each and every one of them without batting an eyelash.
-At any given moment, I will be eagerly anticipating the release of a new movie.
-I have two cats named Bonnie and Clyde. They're ridiculously awesome- You say you're not a cat person? You've obviously never met Bonnie and Clyde.
- You'll probably never understand the degree of obsession I have for cheese and crackers. It's the best snack food in the history of mankind. Seriously, the most influential inventions of written history were probably movable type and cheese and crackers. I LOVE them.
-I have a very fluid sexuality. And I don't have qualms about expressing it. With many people.
-Regardless of my occasionally permissive behavior, I maintain that kissing is the most intimate sexual act one can perform.
-If you tell me that swimming is not a sport, I will be forced to hurt you.
-I regularly go through periods of time in which I really like myself as person...which are then soon followed by time periods in which I find myself loathsome.
-You may not have heard yet, but Mariah Carey and I are engaged to be married.
-I'll befriend anyone as long as they don't mortally offend me, which is a pretty hard task to accomplish.
-Sometimes I get loud. Really loud. Incredibly, annoyingly loud.
-I hate discussing politics with friends. They just lead to fights. So let's not fight. However, I will say that I'm not the biggest fan of George W.
-Although his daughters seem like they'd be fun to get tanked with.
-I become rather irritated when myspace randomers ask me to be in threesomes.
-I don't see the point of underwear...
-Call me crazy, but I think Ashlee Simpson is hotter than Jessica.
-I'm pretty damn liberal on many issues.
-That doesn't mean I'm an extremist God-hater, nor does it mean that I think anyone's opposing views are of less importance or significance than mine.
-And it certainly doesn't mean that I use any ideology as a foundation for my entire belief system.
-I'm one of the more open-minded individuals you'll meet.
-I enjoy using complex adjectives because they confuse people. And simply because I can.
-I've made a sport out of poking fun at the scene whores in Plymouth and the aspiring Bohemians of Birmingham.
-Approximately 87% of the time, I develop crushes on people who aren't attainable, so naturally that makes them a little more fun to pursue than those who are.
-And consequently entirely more painful to get over.
-I love to hear myself talk, and this "About Me" section is basically a testament to that.
-I AM starved for attention (I attribute this to Middle Child Syndrome), and will resort to almost anything to draw everyone's focus on to myself.
-In case you've failed to notice so far, I'm a bit of a lush.
-I'm cool with it.
-My creativity, large vocabulary, and bitterness tend to lead people to the misconception that I'm more intelligent than I really am.
-It's more appropriate to view me as a fountain overflowing with useless information.
-It's been suggested by many that I may actually be immortal.
-Enjoy this myspace.
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My Interests

MUSIC, movies, family, friends, MSU, animals, Starbucks, the underside of the bridge behind the Kellogg Center, getting shitty while looking pretty, piercings, swimming, diet pepsi, chapstick, vintage belts, hippie lettuce, plaid patterns, reading, playing instruments such as the piano, trombone, and guitar (although feebly), the English language, movie quoting, literature/poetry, being annoyingly pessimistic, being annoyingly optimistic, contradictory statements, not taking myself seriously 94% of the time, Rx, vague obsessions, driving aimlessly, vocabulary, writing, singing, singing some more, displaying multiple personalties in cases of severe boredom/inebriation, being frivolous and indulgent, singing simple melodies from top 40 radio songs and overcomplicating them by adding unnecessary melismas and notes in the whistle register, British accents, ethnic people, crossword puzzles, thought provoking and/or petty conversations, insecurity, narcissism, metropolises, skyscrapers, arguing, over priced sunglasses, complex sentences, Cedar Point, rising to my feet in applause at inappropriate moments, yeah self, desperate pleas for attention, exposing to subtle ridicule and disdain those who don't share the ways of me or my friends, Harry Potter and co., Marlboro Menthol Smooths/ the random pack of Dijarum Blacks, lewd sexual activity, those surreal-ass Jimmy John's commercials, YMCA drama, "slash" signs, looking back scornfully at my past, etc.

I'd like to meet:

Bono, Mick Jagger, Naomi Watts, Jake Gyllenhaal, Britney Spears, Oscar Wilde, Fergie, Keira Knightly, Ernest Hemingway, Janis Joplin, Brandon Flowers, Tina Fey, Tchaikovsky, Mariah Carey, Steven Spielburg-
wait.... you mean in real life????

ohhh....

Anyone who captivates my interest. So basically, I mean anyone. I'm easy going and pretty much get along with everyone.

Music:

45 Minutes, The Killers, Coldplay, Dashboard Confessional, Acceptance, Fall Out Boy, Our Lady Peace, My Chemical Romance, Keane, Death Cab for Cutie, Mariah Carey, Umbrellas, Johnny Cash, Black Eyed Peas, Janis Joplin, Fleetwood Mac, Brand New, Harry and the Potters, Fiona Apple, Phaser, Regina Spektor, Damien Rice, The Crystal Method, I've been known to sporadically break it down to the odd Britney Spears/ Ciara/ Pussycat Dolls dance song, Maritime, Earlimart, New Order, Aerosmith, the Gorillaz, Franz Ferdinand, Tears for Fears, Taking Back Sunday, The Who, Enya, Goo Goo Dolls, Air, The Rentals, Prince, Sheryl Crow, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Garbage, All American Rejects, Smashing Pumpkins, Bjork, Something Corporate, Jack's Mannequin, Beach Boys, Missy Elliot, Jet, R.E.M., Oasis, Sarah McLachlan, U2, Counting Crows, Skunk Anansie, Cary Brothers, Verve, Bruce Springsteen, The Shins, Shakira, Rolling Stones, Kings of Leon, Bush, Korn, Yellowcard, Gwen Stefani, Dressy Bessy, Iron and Wine, Grandaddy, Rufus Wainwright, Alicia Keys, Panic! at the Disco, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Linkin Park, Radiohead, Journey, Kate Bush, Norah Jones, Eric Clapton, Jimmy Eat World, Alanis Morisette, Paul Oakenfold, Third Eye Blind, Broken Social Scene, Snow Patrol, Michelle Featherstone, +44, Gary Jules, Cartel, Cute Is What We Aim For, Nelly Furtado, The Smiths, Amy Winehouse, Matt Kearney, Timbaland, Fergie, Paramore, John Williams, Dvorak, Tchaikovsky, Wagner, Eric Whitacre, just to name a few.

Movies:

Donnie Darko, Requiem for a Dream, American Beauty, Independence Day, The Ring, The Virgin Suicides, the entire Harry Potter series, Secretary, V for Vendetta, The Exorcist, Boogie Nights, The Day After Tomorrow, Twister, The Nightmare Before Christmas, War of the Worlds (2005), I Heart Huckabees, Kill Bill vol. 1 and 2, Mean Girls, Blow, Monster's Ball, Chicago, Cruel Intentions, Mr. Holland's Opus, Garden State, Mystic River, Finding Nemo, Shrek, Schindler's List, Goodfellas, Mulholland Drive, Silence of the Lambs, Finding Neverland, Closer, We Don't Live Here Anymore, King Kong (2005), Saving Private Ryan, The 40 Year Old Virgin, E.T., Gladiator, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, A Beautiful Mind, It's A Wonderful Life, Glory, Heathers, Basic Instinct, Girl Interrupted, Unfaithful, A Christmas Story, The Rules of Attraction, A Home At The End of The World, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Monster, Spiderman 2, Elizabethtown, RENT, Crash, 21 Grams, Eyes Wide Shut, Brokeback Mountain, Jurassic Park, X-Men 1-3, The Sixth Sense, The Breakfast Club, The Fox and the Hound, Sleepy Hollow, The Cider House Rules, Jarhead, Mars Attacks!, Edward Scissorhands, St. Elmo's Fire, Prozac Nation, TRANSFORMERS, and many more...

Television:

SNL, ER, the OC, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Boston Legal, the Real World, Brothers and Sisters, Invader Zim, Family Guy, Robot Chicken, the Simpsons, South Park, Flavor of Love and any subsequent spin offs, Malcom in the Middle, Degrassi: The Next Generation, Friends, the Office, the Twilight Zone, Best Week Ever, Pee Wee's Playhouse, Jeopardy, the Tonight Show, Conan, Frasier, Boy Meets World, Intervention, My Life on the D-List, the X-Files, terrible VH1 countdown specials. I swear I don't watch/like Sex and the City/Will and Grace.

Books:

Rowling's "Harry Potter" series

Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises," "A Farewell to Arms," and "The Old Man and the Sea"

Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby"

Steinbeck's "Of Mice and Men" and "East of Eden"

Hughes' "Not Without Laughter"

King's "Carrie" and "Firestarter"

Guest's "Ordinary People"

Golding's "Lord of the Flies"

Kesey's "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"

Thompson's "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"

Orwell's "1984"

Peck's "A Day No Pigs Would Die"

Ellis' "The Rules of Attraction"

Choderlos de Laclos' "Les Liasions Dangerueses"

McBride's "The Color of Water"

Palahniuk's "Invisible Monsters" and "Choke"

Wells' "War of the Worlds"

O'Connor's "Wise Blood"

Lee's "To Kill A Mockingbird"

Bronte's "Wuthering Heights"

Eugenides' "The Virgin Suicides"
Chbosky's "The Perks of Being A Wallflower
Burroughs's "Running With Scissors"
etc...

Heroes:

Amy Winehouse and Keith Richards. Aside from that, I don't know if it's wise to have heroes. Let's dictate our own futures instead of aspiring to mold our lives after someone else's past.

My Blog

21st century version of "my humps" vs. 19th century version

In case none of you viewed the lovely bulletin I posted last night, I decided to dedicate a blog to this subject naterial. My friend Erin rephrased the lyrics of "My Humps" into a dialect that would b...
Posted by bitchez jones. on Mon, 23 Jan 2006 07:21:00 PST